Christmas - how do you cope?
Notifications OFF
I'm coming up to my first Xmas post knock. My person is my adult son who is still living with me at home.
Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year and I love the build up and present buying etc. I have a small family and host yearly. Both of my parents are elderly(they do not know my son is under investigation) and this may well be the last Xmas together as a family. I'm struggling with guilt. Is it wrong to want to have a nice time even if it is a lie? My son said he doesn't expect anything from me present wise but I just feel so awful about the whole thing.
How do you cope with the things we should be celebrating when everything is falling apart underneath?
Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year and I love the build up and present buying etc. I have a small family and host yearly. Both of my parents are elderly(they do not know my son is under investigation) and this may well be the last Xmas together as a family. I'm struggling with guilt. Is it wrong to want to have a nice time even if it is a lie? My son said he doesn't expect anything from me present wise but I just feel so awful about the whole thing.
How do you cope with the things we should be celebrating when everything is falling apart underneath?
Hi, I'm 7 years post knock but we are about to go to court for the second time. Its been a 3 year wait so far and we thought it would've been over and done with in November but it was put back until January. I can't believe I've got to get through Christmas somehow. X
Hi,
These investigations can take considerable time. I'd say do whatever you would usually do in the build up to Christmas. Allow yourself to have some joy in your life xxx
These investigations can take considerable time. I'd say do whatever you would usually do in the build up to Christmas. Allow yourself to have some joy in your life xxx
Hi, I'm also here because of my adult son who moved back home with me on the night of his arrest. Its a long, hard and heartbreaking journey so my recommendation is to do whatever you can to bring you and your son a little bit of enjoyment and happiness.
We had the knock end of July for my 16yr old son. We've no idea what exactly he's accused of. Like you our parents don't know because elderly and it would break them. It's hard because trying to act normal in front of them when inside falling apart and it puts strain on relationships.
Christmas is always a special time but this dark cloud hanging over us is making it difficult to have the usual Xmas cheer. My thoughts are on what next year will bring.
Christmas is always a special time but this dark cloud hanging over us is making it difficult to have the usual Xmas cheer. My thoughts are on what next year will bring.
After my 19 year old son was initially arrested in June 2022, he will finally be sentenced on the 20 December. I too love Christmas and we always have. However since signing the register this week everything has been overshadowed. His girlfriend, a teacher has been suspended and my daughter is unaware if she can fulfil her usual role at a school now home from university. I'm trying to not show how much I want to leave it all behind but it is incredibly difficult. So while you can, try to enjoy Christmas. The tree, the movies, the shopping and family.
I always try to make the best of Christmas but there is always the dark cloud of 'its not the same' and I miss my son dreadfully..... I try to avoid it but become quite thoughtful but I'm sure we all do.
But It is nice to gather with family and my son will phone us Christmas morning - you just have to be brave and make the most of it don't you? I bet for most people Christmas digs up lots of painful emotions.
But It is nice to gather with family and my son will phone us Christmas morning - you just have to be brave and make the most of it don't you? I bet for most people Christmas digs up lots of painful emotions.
We are dreading Christmas this end, our person is also our adult son, he was told to leave property due to having 4 minors at home, he is not allowed home or to even visit for a few hours!! It is thee most horrific thing we have even been through, I cannot make it through a 'normal' day without floods of tears so imagining Christmas without him is just the worse, I try to rationalise that this time next year (hopefully) we will have some sort of semi normality but right now it isn't helpful..... when asked where our son is by grandparents when they come visit we feel awful that a lie just rolls so easily off our tongue 'oh he's not finished work yet' I feel Christmas day is going to be a whole other story they know our son will work 364 days of the year just to have Christmas day at home (he loves Christmas so much) we are literally dreading Christmas day. We have tried fighting and reasoning with SS to no avail and their attitude is well your son can come home but we will remove 3 of your children' which again is so stressful and unhelpful x x
mummy-to-lots. /. That's so sad. I really feel for you xxxxx
Thank you all for taking the time to share your stories. So sad that there are so many of us in this awful place. Just taking things one hour at a time and trying to embrace the moments when I don't think about what has happened.
Smile.
Thank you, its so raw and awful but we must try and keeps things normal due to fear of ss putting further restrictions on us!! Terrible situation to be forced into x x x
Thank you, its so raw and awful but we must try and keeps things normal due to fear of ss putting further restrictions on us!! Terrible situation to be forced into x x x
Hello
i can relate to your post so much.
our case has just been reopened due to my partner due to be sentenced in jan and we have a new social worker (i wont go into details, but she has only been involved in our lives for 4 days and she has flipped it and stamped on it in that small period of time, ruining a christmas family holiday that was booked before the "knock" but has been approved by OIC, His barrister, The judge- he has no bail conditions and the judge said to him to enjoy the festive period with his family with no conditons or restirctions). PPU even approved it and he notified with the SOR of travel and they were so lovely about it. until our SW stepped in and because she didnt like the sleeping arrangements because she didnt know us properly yet so she didnt know whether we would stick to the arrangment that she was going to contact the ppu and see what they really think.
They went to see him with the SW the next day and hes not not allowed to go . In her words "from a social worker point of view, i am not permitting you to go", she then turned to PPU and said do you agree in which they just said yeah weve changed our minds, we not giving you permission to go,
This was a christmas present for our children, for 4 days with me, him and grandparents and it was to spend some time over the christmas period as we knew he wouldnt be able to spend christmas eve and christmas day with us and shes ruined it.
2nd year my children have been unable to see thier dad on chirstmas days and our children are still young so it means alot to them for dad to be part of thier christmas.
Another year doing our traditions on our own, missing our couple time on a night when the children in bed watching the christmas specials.
We going to put a complaint in with our SW due to other things and how she has made me feel mentally as shes entered our lives with personal judgments and opinions and seems to have now got ppu on her side (they were lovely and supportive him on their 1st visit).
christmas is supposed to be about family and for all of us on this horrendous journey, it is so hard, i thought last year was bad but i think i got through it as i was still a mix of emotions of where i wanted to do going foward, ive decided to stand by him after months and months of talking , seeing his remorse , him working hard on himself, ive done inform course etc and i do believe we can put this behind us once whatever sentence he gets has been spent but this time of the year can make us feel incredibly lonely and fearful for the future.
Stay strong, this wont last forever, one day things we will as normal as it can be and those lighter days and special christmases are coming, we just have to wait for them and keep the faith that it will be worth it in the end xxx
i can relate to your post so much.
our case has just been reopened due to my partner due to be sentenced in jan and we have a new social worker (i wont go into details, but she has only been involved in our lives for 4 days and she has flipped it and stamped on it in that small period of time, ruining a christmas family holiday that was booked before the "knock" but has been approved by OIC, His barrister, The judge- he has no bail conditions and the judge said to him to enjoy the festive period with his family with no conditons or restirctions). PPU even approved it and he notified with the SOR of travel and they were so lovely about it. until our SW stepped in and because she didnt like the sleeping arrangements because she didnt know us properly yet so she didnt know whether we would stick to the arrangment that she was going to contact the ppu and see what they really think.
They went to see him with the SW the next day and hes not not allowed to go . In her words "from a social worker point of view, i am not permitting you to go", she then turned to PPU and said do you agree in which they just said yeah weve changed our minds, we not giving you permission to go,
This was a christmas present for our children, for 4 days with me, him and grandparents and it was to spend some time over the christmas period as we knew he wouldnt be able to spend christmas eve and christmas day with us and shes ruined it.
2nd year my children have been unable to see thier dad on chirstmas days and our children are still young so it means alot to them for dad to be part of thier christmas.
Another year doing our traditions on our own, missing our couple time on a night when the children in bed watching the christmas specials.
We going to put a complaint in with our SW due to other things and how she has made me feel mentally as shes entered our lives with personal judgments and opinions and seems to have now got ppu on her side (they were lovely and supportive him on their 1st visit).
christmas is supposed to be about family and for all of us on this horrendous journey, it is so hard, i thought last year was bad but i think i got through it as i was still a mix of emotions of where i wanted to do going foward, ive decided to stand by him after months and months of talking , seeing his remorse , him working hard on himself, ive done inform course etc and i do believe we can put this behind us once whatever sentence he gets has been spent but this time of the year can make us feel incredibly lonely and fearful for the future.
Stay strong, this wont last forever, one day things we will as normal as it can be and those lighter days and special christmases are coming, we just have to wait for them and keep the faith that it will be worth it in the end xxx
First Christmas without our son. Going to be very hard to still make it joyous but we have to try. I still feel sorry for him being estranged & in prison. He has adjusted better than us.