Supporting my children
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Hi I am new here and was advised to post here rather than family and friends so apologies for the duplication I will delete the other post.
The 'knock' happened to my ex husband 6 months ago. He was living with his partner but we have two children together. They are 14 and 12 now and lived here with me the majority of the time spending every other weekend at their dad's, dinner with him one night a week and a holiday for a week once a year. Thankfully it was my weekend the day he was arrested.
It all moved quickly he was arrested in June and has already had his first hearing where he finally decided he couldn't lie any longer and pleaded guilty to distributing a (in my opinion) large number of class A-C images. Before the police charged him I was supporting him and the children in remaining on contact with some supervised visits and phone calls. However since the charges and the guilty plea they don't want to speak with him or see him at all.
Lots happened between the arrest and now and he lost his job, his home, his parents washed their hands of him and now our children want nothing to do with him.
I am disgusted with what he has done, I feel so angry that he has done this and the impact it is having on everyone around him. He claims his probation officer is suggesting a community order but the police seem to think prison time.
I am conflicted as in a way I feel sorry for him, his whole life is upside down. My emotions are all over the place. My children seem to be coping as well as they possibly can but they have basically lost their dad.
Has anyone else been in a similar position, how can I best support the children and help them moving forward with not having him in their lives (for however long that is).
Thank you
The 'knock' happened to my ex husband 6 months ago. He was living with his partner but we have two children together. They are 14 and 12 now and lived here with me the majority of the time spending every other weekend at their dad's, dinner with him one night a week and a holiday for a week once a year. Thankfully it was my weekend the day he was arrested.
It all moved quickly he was arrested in June and has already had his first hearing where he finally decided he couldn't lie any longer and pleaded guilty to distributing a (in my opinion) large number of class A-C images. Before the police charged him I was supporting him and the children in remaining on contact with some supervised visits and phone calls. However since the charges and the guilty plea they don't want to speak with him or see him at all.
Lots happened between the arrest and now and he lost his job, his home, his parents washed their hands of him and now our children want nothing to do with him.
I am disgusted with what he has done, I feel so angry that he has done this and the impact it is having on everyone around him. He claims his probation officer is suggesting a community order but the police seem to think prison time.
I am conflicted as in a way I feel sorry for him, his whole life is upside down. My emotions are all over the place. My children seem to be coping as well as they possibly can but they have basically lost their dad.
Has anyone else been in a similar position, how can I best support the children and help them moving forward with not having him in their lives (for however long that is).
Thank you
Calypso
its hard isn't it? I want to hate my ex for doing this, but he's literally lost everything. His home, his job, a lot of his possessions (we had to sell them when he lost his job to keep a roof over our heads), he's lost me and the relationship he has with his son is hanging in the balance, it'll never be what it was, at best it'll be supervised for the foreseeable future, his mental health was already low but it's practically sub-zero now. I do feel sorry for him because he realises the harm he's done and is remorseful, and keeps apologising profusely; it's essentially ruined his life for a stupid decision and he's not even been charged yet. He just keeps saying how he's so sorry and if he knew now what he did then, he never would never have done it in a million years. He said he can't understand how anyone would ever repeat his mistakes, it's absolutely not worth it. Curiosity killed the cat.
Its just so surreal because it's not who he was at all. It's so out of character. But what's done is done, we've just got to get through it. Its a horrific mistake with (rightfully severe) consequences. It's just heartbreaking the ripple effect it has on the lives of everyone around them.
its hard isn't it? I want to hate my ex for doing this, but he's literally lost everything. His home, his job, a lot of his possessions (we had to sell them when he lost his job to keep a roof over our heads), he's lost me and the relationship he has with his son is hanging in the balance, it'll never be what it was, at best it'll be supervised for the foreseeable future, his mental health was already low but it's practically sub-zero now. I do feel sorry for him because he realises the harm he's done and is remorseful, and keeps apologising profusely; it's essentially ruined his life for a stupid decision and he's not even been charged yet. He just keeps saying how he's so sorry and if he knew now what he did then, he never would never have done it in a million years. He said he can't understand how anyone would ever repeat his mistakes, it's absolutely not worth it. Curiosity killed the cat.
Its just so surreal because it's not who he was at all. It's so out of character. But what's done is done, we've just got to get through it. Its a horrific mistake with (rightfully severe) consequences. It's just heartbreaking the ripple effect it has on the lives of everyone around them.
We have been separated for 9 years but he had a really good life that he has just destroyed! We got on very well since the split as we have children together so he didn't even have that anger to contend with!
Sadly I fear this has been an ongoing thing. There was an accusation going back to the early 2000's which at the time we all believed to be absurd and he was found not guilty however this is now in doubt I now feel that since I have known him everything has been a lie. I don't regret as I have my children but it really is so unsettling.
My ex had to sleep rough for 48 hrs to get housed, if losing his kids hasn't been enough to make him think twice, hopefully that experience was! He clearly needs some kind of help but deep down as a parent I feel he deserves prison for what he has done.
Maybe I am just still too angry. His sentencing is in January so not long to go.
My current partner is trying to be supportive he really is but on my low days he can't understand why I am low. It's just all so much some days to wrap my head around.
Thank you for responding and allowing my vent!
Sadly I fear this has been an ongoing thing. There was an accusation going back to the early 2000's which at the time we all believed to be absurd and he was found not guilty however this is now in doubt I now feel that since I have known him everything has been a lie. I don't regret as I have my children but it really is so unsettling.
My ex had to sleep rough for 48 hrs to get housed, if losing his kids hasn't been enough to make him think twice, hopefully that experience was! He clearly needs some kind of help but deep down as a parent I feel he deserves prison for what he has done.
Maybe I am just still too angry. His sentencing is in January so not long to go.
My current partner is trying to be supportive he really is but on my low days he can't understand why I am low. It's just all so much some days to wrap my head around.
Thank you for responding and allowing my vent!
Calypso
feel free to vent away....anything that helps. If there's one theme that runs through the forum it's that none of us ever expected it would happen to us. You always think that this doesn't happen to 'normal' people or those we know and love -and it hits hard.
feel free to vent away....anything that helps. If there's one theme that runs through the forum it's that none of us ever expected it would happen to us. You always think that this doesn't happen to 'normal' people or those we know and love -and it hits hard.