The longest week
Notifications OFF
it’s Been a week since ‘the knock’. I wrote a huge spiel twice about the events so far but the ether swallowed them up. In summary. Husband (of 40yrs) arrested for downloading iioc (can’t believe how quick I’ve grasped the jargon and acronyms). He completely unravelled and admitted his guilt and then went on to try and kill himself at least 4 times. My computers coming back Friday -obviously his will take months. Son was at home when this all took place but has been encouraged to go off on his world travels as originally planned before this all happened. His last words to his Dad were telling him he loved him and that he needed him to be here when he got back next year. We have accessed stop it now’s helpline and they were superb and helpful at pointing us in the right direction for resources. To read to help us both understand why this happened. My husband has realised he is basically a good man who has done a bad thing. He is determined never to go near internet porn again. I believe him and am sticking by him thru this. So are his family -100%. If it transpires he has done MORE than just click and look then I will reassess. We’ve come a huge distance in this week. My world is a vastly different place.
TutleyMutley
Welcome to the club that no one ever wanted to be members of...
I stated with my husband following his arrest for downloading indecent images via a peer to peer file sharing site. Like you it's been a baptism of hell into the world of acronyms. His family have disowned him whilst the majority of mine have supported him.
For me staying was his genuine remorse... His honesty of what, why and when he had viewed the images. Also for me the single figures found by police and the evidence I was shown that the behavior was for a few months and not entrenched over years.
Another reason I stayed were the ages... They were not prepubicement images but of teenager's... Still illegal and still victims... and I'm not trying to minimize the issue but for me it helped with my decision making.
Anyway... Keep coming back to this forum... Others do and can help as can the stop it now contact centre.. Best wishes..
Welcome to the club that no one ever wanted to be members of...
I stated with my husband following his arrest for downloading indecent images via a peer to peer file sharing site. Like you it's been a baptism of hell into the world of acronyms. His family have disowned him whilst the majority of mine have supported him.
For me staying was his genuine remorse... His honesty of what, why and when he had viewed the images. Also for me the single figures found by police and the evidence I was shown that the behavior was for a few months and not entrenched over years.
Another reason I stayed were the ages... They were not prepubicement images but of teenager's... Still illegal and still victims... and I'm not trying to minimize the issue but for me it helped with my decision making.
Anyway... Keep coming back to this forum... Others do and can help as can the stop it now contact centre.. Best wishes..
Hi TutleyMutley
Love your name, it made me smile. We are 9 months in from the knock. You must still be in shock. What a week!
Well done for posting. Sorry you have had to join this club that none of us want to be in. It will all feel very raw for some time. Your son sounds like a kind and caring person. Hoping he has a good trip away and that you manage to adapt to the 'new normal' which will have lots of ups and downs. Keep coming here. The people are marvellous and there is lots of information being shared on the processes etc. However, be aware that individual cases and situations mean there is not a definitive timeline or process. I think it all depends on the police force.
I am thinking of you and your family. If things are tough call the helpline.
Lots of hugs
Love your name, it made me smile. We are 9 months in from the knock. You must still be in shock. What a week!
Well done for posting. Sorry you have had to join this club that none of us want to be in. It will all feel very raw for some time. Your son sounds like a kind and caring person. Hoping he has a good trip away and that you manage to adapt to the 'new normal' which will have lots of ups and downs. Keep coming here. The people are marvellous and there is lots of information being shared on the processes etc. However, be aware that individual cases and situations mean there is not a definitive timeline or process. I think it all depends on the police force.
I am thinking of you and your family. If things are tough call the helpline.
Lots of hugs
Sorry that you've joined this club that none of us ever thought we would be part of. There's several of us here who have chosen to stay with their partners, I can't say it's been an easy journey for me, there's definitely lots of ups and downs but reading some of the stories of those further down the line life might be different but it doesn't have to be bad. The ladies on this forum are amazingly supportive, so please keep coming back.
Hi, I initially left my partner but have now chosen to return. I have various, personal reasons for this but in my heart I know I've made the right decision. He is yet to be charged though so once I hear more it may be a case of reassessing again. He's adamant he's not guilty so I wait and wonder.
I did try posting a reply earlier - very frustrating on this phone as half of it disappeared so I gave up. Thank you all for your replies. I’m sure I will be sharing more in the months to come. I had some good news earlier in that I have been told that I can continue volunteering for tha youth organisation I help out with -so long as I keep hq informed of developments and no meetings take place st my home (which they don’t). Phew. They are always so short of adult helpers and my partner has never been involved anyway. I am expecting a roller coaster ride - have been tired like never before after a day of adrenaline rushes and exhaustingly long conversations. Never have I talked sI much or bared my soul with quite such frequency. Telling good friends that he has had a mental breakdown (partially true) without letting out the real reason is also a strain. I am not used to dissembling. Dealing with the sympathy and ensuing discussion of depression is also hard - as it’s all so much more acute! Good friend with lots of lovely grandchildren even suggested that what he needed was to be surrounded with little ones. I nearly choked on THAT one. I’ll stop there. I’m sure I’ll be back.