Gift that keeps giving
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A bad day yesterday, lots of tears and emotion. Reality of the guilty plea setting in - I'm still angry that we only got to hear the full details of the CPS charging document on the Thursday morning ready for court first thing Monday. No time to process, reflect, ask or challenge. To me the evidence feels weak, but the solicitor didn't even discuss the option of a not guilty plea. So in the eyes of the law not as weak as I think possibly, so here we are preparing for the fall-out.
My OHs friend who he works and lives with told him last night that he may have to give him notice on the room he's been renting for him. He won't kick him out but he'll likely want him out asap. Leaving him homeless. Also saying that if it all comes out he'll tell their colleagues my OH lied to him and he knew absolutely nothing about it - he said so he could cut gossip off at the pass - but I understand it's also for his own self preservation. Such is the stigma that many get scared of association and run in the other direction!
There's a chance he 'might' keep his job, someone else who works for the same company was recently charged after arranging to meet a 14 year old girl. They kept him on but on the flip side us no-one wants to speak to him or have anything to do with him. So let's see, far from ideal but I think my OH could manage that as long as he doesn't lose the job he loves. Keeping his job would give him a sense of purpose and allow him to continue funding his own rehab (rather than tax payer) and would hopefully allow him to secure another rental - although we know the obvious pitfalls with that!
Meanwhile I started training for a new job yesterday, the timing could not be worse! Xmas jumper day today so I'll have to plaster the fake cheeriness on and pretend I'm in the Xmas spirit! When I'd rather curl up in a ball. Not really sure when or how to inform my bosses, I think I'll wait until sentencing 6 Jan. One step at a time xxx
My OHs friend who he works and lives with told him last night that he may have to give him notice on the room he's been renting for him. He won't kick him out but he'll likely want him out asap. Leaving him homeless. Also saying that if it all comes out he'll tell their colleagues my OH lied to him and he knew absolutely nothing about it - he said so he could cut gossip off at the pass - but I understand it's also for his own self preservation. Such is the stigma that many get scared of association and run in the other direction!
There's a chance he 'might' keep his job, someone else who works for the same company was recently charged after arranging to meet a 14 year old girl. They kept him on but on the flip side us no-one wants to speak to him or have anything to do with him. So let's see, far from ideal but I think my OH could manage that as long as he doesn't lose the job he loves. Keeping his job would give him a sense of purpose and allow him to continue funding his own rehab (rather than tax payer) and would hopefully allow him to secure another rental - although we know the obvious pitfalls with that!
Meanwhile I started training for a new job yesterday, the timing could not be worse! Xmas jumper day today so I'll have to plaster the fake cheeriness on and pretend I'm in the Xmas spirit! When I'd rather curl up in a ball. Not really sure when or how to inform my bosses, I think I'll wait until sentencing 6 Jan. One step at a time xxx
I'm so sorry, it's a lot to process especially at this time of year. Your OH's friend is being a bit callous given that it's not in the press and even if he informs work it's supposed to remain confidential between boss and HR. With regard to your new job (congrats!) I wouldn't inform them unless you're legally or contractually obliged to.
Really helpful thank you, I agree it was a harsh conversation given there's only me and this friend who have known about what was happening and he'd been supporting him up to this point. I think the reality of the guilty plea and the SOR has unsettled his friend.
Yes my head is all over and you're right so much to process at this time of year. I've got a lot to learn for the new job and I think it's going to be stressful! I'll start on 8 Jan, 2 days after crown sentencing. Couldn't make it up could you! Xx
Yes my head is all over and you're right so much to process at this time of year. I've got a lot to learn for the new job and I think it's going to be stressful! I'll start on 8 Jan, 2 days after crown sentencing. Couldn't make it up could you! Xx
I'm so sorry, things sound really difficult for you and your OH. The stigma and shame around these type of offenses is so isolating, I hope his friend reconsiders and realises that your OH is still the same friend he always has been.
I had no idea until I was forced into this horrible situation how ridiculous the legal system can be in the UK. I also think the evidence against my OH is weak and does not show any actual intent to look out IIOC however his lawyer has also advised him to plead guilty eventually. At his initial plea date yesterday the lawyer told him to submit 'no plea' at the moment. I know you must be so anxious and worried about the upcoming court date, I will be thinking of you and keeping my fingers and toes crossed!!
Congrats on your new job btw, I hope it really helps you have something positive to focus on for yourself. If I was you, I wouldn't say anything to your employer unless you absolutely have to. Sending love x
I had no idea until I was forced into this horrible situation how ridiculous the legal system can be in the UK. I also think the evidence against my OH is weak and does not show any actual intent to look out IIOC however his lawyer has also advised him to plead guilty eventually. At his initial plea date yesterday the lawyer told him to submit 'no plea' at the moment. I know you must be so anxious and worried about the upcoming court date, I will be thinking of you and keeping my fingers and toes crossed!!
Congrats on your new job btw, I hope it really helps you have something positive to focus on for yourself. If I was you, I wouldn't say anything to your employer unless you absolutely have to. Sending love x
Thanks honey. I wonder why no plea, does your solicitor need more time to review? Ours has felt so rushed it's bothering me a lot.
I needed to tell my brother and sister in law about the SOR, really to make sure my OH would be ok at our close family gatherings. I'd seen my brother on Saturday and he was okay. Asked him not to say anything to my sister in law because the news really needed to come from me. I asked to meet with her on her own this week (which is an unusual request) and she was so concerned about what it was, my brother told her himself. Faaar from ideal, it needed to be me. She text last night to say she hadn't slept and she's anxious and confused - that she wants my brother involved in the conversation. It's mums birthday on Sunday, we were all meant to go but I can tell my OH isn't going to be welcome. I tried to explain briefly what had happened on text last night to put her mind at rest, and it seemed to calm her a bit, but people just react with complete fear don't they! I'd really rather not be discussing this at my mums birthday either - it's supposed to be her day so I'll try see them both before if I can.
I definitely feel the fear from others and the isolation creeping in. I know my OH inside out and would have hoped my nearest family would support me with that, but as we well know everyone reacts differently. I've had the usual inner dialogue that I know appears on this forum every day - am I doing the right thing, what's life going to look like, will people understand, will my boys be affected, everyone's now been put in an awful position because of my decision to be with him.
Spoke to mum & dad last night too on video call as they're away and could tell they seem slightly unhappier about it all - they didn't say anything directly but I know them well enough to know they're frightened and concerned for me. All valid. I've had 15 months to get used to this, so know too well how long it takes to get your head round it. I appreciate this is going to take time, but on top of everything else I'm trying to deal with, it's an awful place to be.
My overriding sense is now there goes my happy ever after with my boy. Our life together has been amazing up to this point (apart from this looming over us) and we love each other so much ....heartbroken! All at Christmas too.
Probation meeting on 23rd December so I'm going with him to that. His ADHD and autism makes him terrible at explaining things about himself and he clams up, so I want to help give him the best shot in his PSR that I can.
xxxx
I needed to tell my brother and sister in law about the SOR, really to make sure my OH would be ok at our close family gatherings. I'd seen my brother on Saturday and he was okay. Asked him not to say anything to my sister in law because the news really needed to come from me. I asked to meet with her on her own this week (which is an unusual request) and she was so concerned about what it was, my brother told her himself. Faaar from ideal, it needed to be me. She text last night to say she hadn't slept and she's anxious and confused - that she wants my brother involved in the conversation. It's mums birthday on Sunday, we were all meant to go but I can tell my OH isn't going to be welcome. I tried to explain briefly what had happened on text last night to put her mind at rest, and it seemed to calm her a bit, but people just react with complete fear don't they! I'd really rather not be discussing this at my mums birthday either - it's supposed to be her day so I'll try see them both before if I can.
I definitely feel the fear from others and the isolation creeping in. I know my OH inside out and would have hoped my nearest family would support me with that, but as we well know everyone reacts differently. I've had the usual inner dialogue that I know appears on this forum every day - am I doing the right thing, what's life going to look like, will people understand, will my boys be affected, everyone's now been put in an awful position because of my decision to be with him.
Spoke to mum & dad last night too on video call as they're away and could tell they seem slightly unhappier about it all - they didn't say anything directly but I know them well enough to know they're frightened and concerned for me. All valid. I've had 15 months to get used to this, so know too well how long it takes to get your head round it. I appreciate this is going to take time, but on top of everything else I'm trying to deal with, it's an awful place to be.
My overriding sense is now there goes my happy ever after with my boy. Our life together has been amazing up to this point (apart from this looming over us) and we love each other so much ....heartbroken! All at Christmas too.
Probation meeting on 23rd December so I'm going with him to that. His ADHD and autism makes him terrible at explaining things about himself and he clams up, so I want to help give him the best shot in his PSR that I can.
xxxx
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