Family and Friends Forum

Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I am being put under a great deal of pressure from my social worker and I feel like I'm being crushed by the weight of it atm.

My husband hasn't been charged yet (still under investigation) but the social worker is bullying me greatly in saying that I am not a protective parent because I will not divorce my husband. We are currently seperated while she does her assessments and it looks as though we will be going to a child protection conference in the next few weeks.

I have done nothing wrong and would never let anyone hurt my daughter but the sw has forced no contact and said to me she is recommending that he will never live in the same house at the conference.

Can I ask what training you did with ss? I've completed a safeguarding course online, complied with everything they have asked of me and yet they aren't willing to see any of this.

I still want to be with my husband and I want my daughter to be able to have some contact with her father so that she can have a semblance of a normal life. SS are meant to be protecting children but all I can see is that they are harming mine!

I feel exactly the same. I feel scared by them which it shouldnt be so. I am scared they will take away my kids if I dont answer their questions correctly. Surely they must see we need to have normality for our kids. You cant just take their dad away. Kids have rights too. We should be ensuring a safe and happy childhood but ss aren't by doing this are they.

Unhappy what is your situation. Has your husband been charged?

Hi

yes you will find many partners on here who have been judged and pressured by SWs. You will find that they usually have received no training at all in IIOC and often get it very wrong. Do not be scared to stand your ground, as long as you are keeping to safety measures. What stage are you at with your partner? Is he still under investigation?

Hi Piratey12

this sounds very familiar. I too had a SW say he would always been a high risk. Turns out he hadn’t done what he was accused of and so was NFA.

Are you on mumsnet? I have supported a couple of women thro the SS nightmare so would be happy to share my experience offline.

Hi I've had a nightmare with social services as well, I've also found out that I am not seen to be a protective factor as I told my social worker about being overprotective of my daughter because losing our son during the last half of my pregnancy then being told that during delivery of my daughter that no heartbeat could be found and that she would be stillborn so after she was born kept her with me nonstop as I was so paranoid about losing her. I said I acknowledged he was a risk but didn't think he had ever harmed her as she was with me all the time. The social worker listened to all this then wrote that I'm not a protective factor as I believed my husband when he said he hadn't abused her. It's so difficult to have what you tell them twisted to fit their own agenda which as far as I can tell is less about doing what's best for our children and more about doing what's easiest for social services.

Hi Big Sigh

yeah I'm on mumsnet piraterach12. Any help/advice you could give would be fantastic as I'm a nervous wreck atm and can't seem to do right for doing wrong. The thing I am most struggling with is not being in control of my own life and not being able to see an end to this.

Thanks

Hi Piratey12

the user name you put down says it can't receive PMs

Sorry big sigh. I think I had to post on 5 threads before I can pm. Should be ok now ????????

Hi. I'm not a wife but a mum. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences which both encourage and worry me in equal measure.

I used to be an ordinary "grannie", but I suddenly had my comfortable buble burst about 3 months ago when my son was arrested for having indecent images on his PC.

It has been a horror story. Bad enough losing his house, his job, his self esteem and more . . but losing his child is literally tragic.

I've watched the tragic effect Social Services have had on my family.

Basically I have not been allowed access to my grandchildren for three monnths - mainly, I think, because I have befriended my son. My son is terrified that he will NEVER have contact with his gorgeous daughter again. We see pictures of her occasionally from friends and I have never seen her smile since the day of "the knock". He was arrested purely because his wife phoned the Police and reported that he had indecent images on his PC. The Police were not even shown any evidence. Surely this makes a mockery of "innocent till proven guilty".

We have been warned that any charge maay not be made until August next year due to the backlog of forensic work to be done. Can this be humane? To wait nearly a year before we even know what the charge is?

Alongside this there is news in the press that the numbers of people "RUI" (released under investigation) for sexual offences has escalated from 1,300 in 2016, to 27,000 last year.

I feel both sad and angry that if this is happening to our family, it is likely to be affecting all those other families throughout the land.

Something needs to change surely?

So grateful for the opportunity to offload my sadness.

I had the misfortune to get tangled up with the SS (how apt) some years ago in connection with another matter and it was like dealing with the gestapo or stasi.

Class31

Not necessary, not helpful

Please stop, you obviously have an axe to grind but we are here to give and receive support, neither of which you're doing.

If you would like us to support you then please share some or all of your story with us instead of making remarks that really aren't very nice

I'm a Mum. I'm sorry to hear your story. It shocks me also how figured have risen so drastically recently. I completely agree that children need protecting and fully support this, however, what evidence is needed before people are interviewed and no longer allowed in their children's lives. Surely that is also harming children? My ex is under investigation and cannot see my children who arnt his so it's not a huge issue in my case, but also hasn't seen his own. It's heartbreaking all round. I have no idea what the answer is and protecting children from potential harm is great, but this seems to be just destroying so many people's lives. My ex is under investigation and yet to be charged. If found NFA, all those months of not seeing his own children. I'm so sorry to hear your story xxxx

Hi Unhappy

if you want some support offline, then sign up to mumsnet and let me know your user name and I can try and share some experience of SS if you like. I have been through it all and my kids on a CP plan and I got them off a CP plan too so sort of know the system quite well. My SW too thought if I knew “the truth” I would change my position. Luckily for us, SWs are not judge, jury and executioner - we have a judicial system for a very good reason. Turns out “the truth” I got told was not the truth at all, but a one sided version of events told by people who believed my partner was guilty. I also got a solicitor. Other women have been generous with their time and experience with me in the past so happy to do the same for people in this situation.

Imamum,what your son has lost is out of all proportion to anything he may have done,I do not know how strong he is,but he could spiral into a life of crime,not saying he will,but how can anyone defend the current system which is ruining peoples' lives;not only the alleged perpetrators but also the innocents.

Class31

I don't think there is anyone much who is defending the systems, they are hugely flawed, we all know the waiting times are horrific, the way SS deal with some families is awful and the sentencing is all over the place but we are on here for support from each other, we only have enough energy to keep ourselves going not to shake banners and campaign especially when the very vast majority are keeping this all secret

Please try and sort others, saying about people going to a life of crime is terribly hurtful and I'm not quite sure what you're trying to achieve except put people off coming on here!!!

Big Sigh could I get some advice re SS? My Mumsnet name is:Vik129. Thank you x

Unhappy, I was in your position with social work. I co tinued my relationship and one day she called me in to the office. It was my 30th birthday, I was hungover after having a meltdown and drank myself into a state. I was alone and vulnerable. She took that moment to list every single image going into detail. I told her to stop and she refused. She manipulated me until I agreed to him leaving for a short period of time. I instantly regretted it but she put in an order and he didnt come home.

Do not let them bully you. Take someone with you for support if you can. You do not have to do it alone! Yes you should know the facts but let them keep there opinion to themselves x

Partner - have messaged you

Unhappy, are you in England or Scotland? If Scotland I could give you much better advice. Do you have a family court solicitor?