Christmas Day disappointment
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Why are pre-charge bail conditions so harsh?
We are 4 months into an iioc investigation and my husband's conditions mean he is not allowed to live with us, he can have supervised contact with his 14 yr old daughter, which I supervise regularly. He can also access our outside buildings Monday-Friday for work purposes between the hours of 9am and 3pm.
Because of this last condition, I asked the OIC if he could come over on Christmas Day (which is a Wednesday after all) to exchange gifts with myself and his daughter in our garden bar room (which he is usually allowed to access).
I've just heard back today that the OIC's sergeant will not allow this and so now we will have to exchange gifts elsewhere. This is so frustrating and upsetting for all of us.
What is everyone else doing over Christmas meeting up with their people? Are you all finding it difficult to navigate like us?
I really don't feel like celebrating this year and don't even want to put up the decorations, which we usually do as a family. I am going to for the sake of our stepdaughter, but it's making me upset just thinking about it.
It's usually such a happy time of year, I'm just struggling to get into the mood this year.
Bah humbug!
We are 4 months into an iioc investigation and my husband's conditions mean he is not allowed to live with us, he can have supervised contact with his 14 yr old daughter, which I supervise regularly. He can also access our outside buildings Monday-Friday for work purposes between the hours of 9am and 3pm.
Because of this last condition, I asked the OIC if he could come over on Christmas Day (which is a Wednesday after all) to exchange gifts with myself and his daughter in our garden bar room (which he is usually allowed to access).
I've just heard back today that the OIC's sergeant will not allow this and so now we will have to exchange gifts elsewhere. This is so frustrating and upsetting for all of us.
What is everyone else doing over Christmas meeting up with their people? Are you all finding it difficult to navigate like us?
I really don't feel like celebrating this year and don't even want to put up the decorations, which we usually do as a family. I am going to for the sake of our stepdaughter, but it's making me upset just thinking about it.
It's usually such a happy time of year, I'm just struggling to get into the mood this year.
Bah humbug!
We've already exchanged presents, under professional supervision.
Christmas is important but not enough to by pass child protection - if that makes sense.
I am taking myself and the children to a sunny part of the world and pretending Christmas doesn't exist this year.
Christmas is important but not enough to by pass child protection - if that makes sense.
I am taking myself and the children to a sunny part of the world and pretending Christmas doesn't exist this year.
Hi Flower,
Absolutely agree that child protection is more important than Christmas, we are sticking to the rules 100% - was just a bit disappointed that's all. We are going to go out for Christmas dinner which will be lovely.
i know that we will make the most of it, no matter how we spend it, at least we will be able to see each other... there will be others that can't, so we are lucky.
Going away somewhere hot sounds amazing! I hope you and your kids enjoy it.
x
Absolutely agree that child protection is more important than Christmas, we are sticking to the rules 100% - was just a bit disappointed that's all. We are going to go out for Christmas dinner which will be lovely.
i know that we will make the most of it, no matter how we spend it, at least we will be able to see each other... there will be others that can't, so we are lucky.
Going away somewhere hot sounds amazing! I hope you and your kids enjoy it.
x
In my case it's mum guilt - I think my poor children aren't having an ordinary Christmas, while that's true, we've had a few covid/home alone Christmas dinner and that was fine. As long as the presents are there!
Hope you enjoy your dinner. Plus side, no dishes.
Hope you enjoy your dinner. Plus side, no dishes.
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Why can't you supervise contact on Christmas Day?
are the supervised times set?
are the supervised times set?
I won't be seeing my Grandchildren sadly due to my son now residing with us. Bail conditions are harsh and the police won't back down even when I have put forward that my son will leave the home for the days/nights whilst they visit. They regularly visited prior to the knock 6 months ago. He had to leave his home, has had no contact whatsoever in almost 6 months. Divorce is now imminent. My eldest grandchild regularly requesting to visit, has now started with the idea I don't care about any of them and this is the reason. It's breaking my heart.
@T2021 I think the OP's problem is it being at home, I might be mistaken but I think he's allowed supervised contact off the property and only normally allowed access to the outbuilding when the child is at school?
I know she's disappointed but being allowed to supervise contact at all is quite an advantage. I have been told no contact until after court.
@Deanna58 why don't you arrange to see them outside of the home, you could try a park, pub or cafe for a few hours. The police would have to inform SS to do an assessment if they were to visit your home whether he was on the premises or not, plus I'm assuming he has to be at his bail address every night to make sure that they know where he is?
I have been told no contact otherwise they will issue proceedings to take custody of the children. They would also have to perform weekly visits, invasive parenting assessments involve the schools, doctors, police etc. and have a huge conference at school Which is a huge upheaval and alot of stress when I haven't done anything wrong. I wouldn't ever potentially put my children at risk of being removed for someone else's benefit, although some choose to and that is their choice.
They found 1000s of images from category A, B and C that he had been downloading secretly for years of children as young as 3, he also admitted in the interview that he's sexually attracted to children aged 7, so maybe it's the very serious nature of the case that's the issue for me. Has your son disclosed what he's facing to you?
I guess that's the other side of the coin for why his ex wife may not be able to give contact.
I know she's disappointed but being allowed to supervise contact at all is quite an advantage. I have been told no contact until after court.
@Deanna58 why don't you arrange to see them outside of the home, you could try a park, pub or cafe for a few hours. The police would have to inform SS to do an assessment if they were to visit your home whether he was on the premises or not, plus I'm assuming he has to be at his bail address every night to make sure that they know where he is?
I have been told no contact otherwise they will issue proceedings to take custody of the children. They would also have to perform weekly visits, invasive parenting assessments involve the schools, doctors, police etc. and have a huge conference at school Which is a huge upheaval and alot of stress when I haven't done anything wrong. I wouldn't ever potentially put my children at risk of being removed for someone else's benefit, although some choose to and that is their choice.
They found 1000s of images from category A, B and C that he had been downloading secretly for years of children as young as 3, he also admitted in the interview that he's sexually attracted to children aged 7, so maybe it's the very serious nature of the case that's the issue for me. Has your son disclosed what he's facing to you?
I guess that's the other side of the coin for why his ex wife may not be able to give contact.
Lrf that is exactly right. My other half is not allowed at the house and is only allowed access to the outside buildings during the working week 9am to 3pm for work purposes. We thought we'd ask if we could bend the rules slightly for Christmas Day, but unfortunately not.
We do however realise that we are lucky to be able to see each other as I know there are others on this forum that can't and for that we are extremely grateful. We will meet up for Christmas dinner, so looking forward to that.
Deanna58 I'm sorry you can't have your grandkids round, but perhaps you could meet somewhere to see them over the holidays?
I'm hoping that this time next year, we all might be able to have a better Christmas, hopefully this nightmare will be behind us.
I do hope that no matter what you're all going through, that you are able to try and take a moment to enjoy the day x
We do however realise that we are lucky to be able to see each other as I know there are others on this forum that can't and for that we are extremely grateful. We will meet up for Christmas dinner, so looking forward to that.
Deanna58 I'm sorry you can't have your grandkids round, but perhaps you could meet somewhere to see them over the holidays?
I'm hoping that this time next year, we all might be able to have a better Christmas, hopefully this nightmare will be behind us.
I do hope that no matter what you're all going through, that you are able to try and take a moment to enjoy the day x
I feel your pain, I've been battling for 4 months to be allowed to supervise and at our last meeting before Xmas was told they're "busy" and haven't completed my assessment yet.
Bail says not allowed to reside with us, no unsupervised access and social services did allow me to supervise at first but then changed their mind and said I'm not allowed to supervise until an assessment has been done because I was "emotional" (their words) when we first met with them. Their conditions are that It has to be 1 person to supervise in the home or 2 out in public at all times. Which I'm happy with but I'd like to be one of those people as an option. We're not even at charges stage and many families on here are past sentencing with SOR & SHPO that aren't as strict. All I want is as near normal asx possibly for my child; if I could supervise Xmas morning for an hour to open presents. Mostly to give the other supervisors a break and save a bit of money its costing an absolute fortune if my child wants to do anything with Dad....paying for 2-3 other additional adults to accompany to the cinema etc.
safety will always come first and I get why these things are in place, but with 2-3 adults vigilantly supervising at all times I don't think there's anything more we could do; so don't understand why it's taking so long to reach a recommendation
Bail says not allowed to reside with us, no unsupervised access and social services did allow me to supervise at first but then changed their mind and said I'm not allowed to supervise until an assessment has been done because I was "emotional" (their words) when we first met with them. Their conditions are that It has to be 1 person to supervise in the home or 2 out in public at all times. Which I'm happy with but I'd like to be one of those people as an option. We're not even at charges stage and many families on here are past sentencing with SOR & SHPO that aren't as strict. All I want is as near normal asx possibly for my child; if I could supervise Xmas morning for an hour to open presents. Mostly to give the other supervisors a break and save a bit of money its costing an absolute fortune if my child wants to do anything with Dad....paying for 2-3 other additional adults to accompany to the cinema etc.
safety will always come first and I get why these things are in place, but with 2-3 adults vigilantly supervising at all times I don't think there's anything more we could do; so don't understand why it's taking so long to reach a recommendation