Family Destroyed?
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My first post here. I've been reading and trying to take comfort in not being alone but I'm still very overwhelmed. I'm the glue/rock in my family and trying to hold everything together. But I am struggling to understand how I feel while helping everyone else.
This is a very new situation. Our person tried to take their own life and after that attempt, only a week ago, have we only started to unravel why. What I know so far, they had 'the knock' (about 3 months ago) and a warrant to seize devices and an investigation was started. There has been no further development in those 3 months aside from our person having attempted to take their life. This investigation has obviously been a major factor but also tied in with drug addiction (also unknown until now).
As a family we are at a loss and trying to understand what has happened. Our person has spoken to healthcare professionals in hospital so some things have been revealed about how long this image sharing has been going on but we have no idea the severity of the images or age ranges. The unknown is hard but is knowing worse? I want to probe but also scared for the answers.
I am struggling because the immediate news of the attempted suicide meant reaching out to a lot of people for support and now we have this information about the investigation and potential images we don't know how to keep the conversation going. People are concerned but now we feel ashamed and do not know how to start explaining. I also have a lot of mixed emotions about the situation and a lot of anger that we are in this position but then immediate guilt for feeling that way.
everything seems a mess and I'm just curious to hear if anyone has been in this situation where everyone knows about the suicide attempt and is worried but now it's all going to change when the new information comes. Also, how long have your experiences been from 'the knock' to the investigation to an arrest/court date etc. I'm still not entirely sure what the process is.
I'm sorry for rambling. I will continue to try and hold the family together despite my own emotions and feelings.
This is a very new situation. Our person tried to take their own life and after that attempt, only a week ago, have we only started to unravel why. What I know so far, they had 'the knock' (about 3 months ago) and a warrant to seize devices and an investigation was started. There has been no further development in those 3 months aside from our person having attempted to take their life. This investigation has obviously been a major factor but also tied in with drug addiction (also unknown until now).
As a family we are at a loss and trying to understand what has happened. Our person has spoken to healthcare professionals in hospital so some things have been revealed about how long this image sharing has been going on but we have no idea the severity of the images or age ranges. The unknown is hard but is knowing worse? I want to probe but also scared for the answers.
I am struggling because the immediate news of the attempted suicide meant reaching out to a lot of people for support and now we have this information about the investigation and potential images we don't know how to keep the conversation going. People are concerned but now we feel ashamed and do not know how to start explaining. I also have a lot of mixed emotions about the situation and a lot of anger that we are in this position but then immediate guilt for feeling that way.
everything seems a mess and I'm just curious to hear if anyone has been in this situation where everyone knows about the suicide attempt and is worried but now it's all going to change when the new information comes. Also, how long have your experiences been from 'the knock' to the investigation to an arrest/court date etc. I'm still not entirely sure what the process is.
I'm sorry for rambling. I will continue to try and hold the family together despite my own emotions and feelings.
I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. I feel it would be a good idea to speak with the helpline so they can support you with everything that is going on. They would have definitely have come across the scenario you are currently in.
Personally, I would not rush into telling anyone about the reasons why your family member attempted suicide. Once it is shared, it can never be taken back.
You are very likely still processing a lot of trauma, so it is important to try and find sometime for you if that is possible (as it sounds from your post you are supporting everyone else) so you do not neglect yourself, which is very easy to do when you are on this journey.
I am thinking of you and your family member and I hope my post helps in someway.
Personally, I would not rush into telling anyone about the reasons why your family member attempted suicide. Once it is shared, it can never be taken back.
You are very likely still processing a lot of trauma, so it is important to try and find sometime for you if that is possible (as it sounds from your post you are supporting everyone else) so you do not neglect yourself, which is very easy to do when you are on this journey.
I am thinking of you and your family member and I hope my post helps in someway.
Hello,
I wanted you to know that you are not alone. My husband attempted suicide and spent 3 weeks in the hospital. It was only then that he was able to admit what he'd looked at. Before that, I knew about the investigation but was told "it was a mistake". For us, it was the beginning of honesty and accountability, which is the first step in recovery. Take things one day at a time right now, take care of yourself, and keep reaching out for support.
I wanted you to know that you are not alone. My husband attempted suicide and spent 3 weeks in the hospital. It was only then that he was able to admit what he'd looked at. Before that, I knew about the investigation but was told "it was a mistake". For us, it was the beginning of honesty and accountability, which is the first step in recovery. Take things one day at a time right now, take care of yourself, and keep reaching out for support.
hi,
I am sorry that you find yourself here.
My son attempted suicide several times before court, I didn't think we would be able to keep him alive until court. After sentencing has not attempted. I have to say that maybe it was because he didn't want to face court or what he had done.
I also want to say that the wait for help with mental health is absolutely shocking but he is now intouch with several people to help him.
I feel that post sentencing life is more back to normal. It has been a very tough road tho.
I may sound harsh in this post but it is the reality of it.
Hope this helps
Kind regards
I am sorry that you find yourself here.
My son attempted suicide several times before court, I didn't think we would be able to keep him alive until court. After sentencing has not attempted. I have to say that maybe it was because he didn't want to face court or what he had done.
I also want to say that the wait for help with mental health is absolutely shocking but he is now intouch with several people to help him.
I feel that post sentencing life is more back to normal. It has been a very tough road tho.
I may sound harsh in this post but it is the reality of it.
Hope this helps
Kind regards
Hi, my husband attempted a suicide last time round. This time he's remanded and on suicide watch.
To be honest, I feel like every time I tell someone, who I considered a friend, what happened, I loose a friend. Keep the real reason quiet for your own sake. People can be horrible and judgemental and the blame lands on the family whenever this spreads. If someone doesn't get a hint, worst case scenario, you could mention the substance abuse only. I think this would be sensational enough to satisfy curiosity and mundane enough to let you be.
In regards to mental health support - this is a very long and draining journey. There are no spaces in mental hospitals, waiting lists are really long and I found no-one really bothered with the ongoing support once my husband was released from the hospital.
The other problem is that mental health team within the prison system works independently from the NHS team. They basically don't have anything to do with each other, so even if you start the process before the court, if your person is convicted - you go back to square one. It's a very frustrating and ridiculous system. Even prescribed medication takes a long time to sort out once they're convicted.
Sorry it's not a very positive post. Last time my husband got custodial sentence (not related to the knock) I fully supported him. I was very worried he'd attempt again. After dozens of calls - the prison sent him... a chaplain. I kid you not.
This time round, we had a knock and the charges are very serious. I cut all contact as I can't take anymore and can't put my children through this nightmare again and again. But the worst thing is, that now I can't stop thinking that it would be easier for us if he attempted suicide. And it's a horrible thought.
I'm grieving our life and the person we loved, who really never existed. I feel like I never knew my husband at all.
To be honest, I feel like every time I tell someone, who I considered a friend, what happened, I loose a friend. Keep the real reason quiet for your own sake. People can be horrible and judgemental and the blame lands on the family whenever this spreads. If someone doesn't get a hint, worst case scenario, you could mention the substance abuse only. I think this would be sensational enough to satisfy curiosity and mundane enough to let you be.
In regards to mental health support - this is a very long and draining journey. There are no spaces in mental hospitals, waiting lists are really long and I found no-one really bothered with the ongoing support once my husband was released from the hospital.
The other problem is that mental health team within the prison system works independently from the NHS team. They basically don't have anything to do with each other, so even if you start the process before the court, if your person is convicted - you go back to square one. It's a very frustrating and ridiculous system. Even prescribed medication takes a long time to sort out once they're convicted.
Sorry it's not a very positive post. Last time my husband got custodial sentence (not related to the knock) I fully supported him. I was very worried he'd attempt again. After dozens of calls - the prison sent him... a chaplain. I kid you not.
This time round, we had a knock and the charges are very serious. I cut all contact as I can't take anymore and can't put my children through this nightmare again and again. But the worst thing is, that now I can't stop thinking that it would be easier for us if he attempted suicide. And it's a horrible thought.
I'm grieving our life and the person we loved, who really never existed. I feel like I never knew my husband at all.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. They're all so different but with so many similarities. Understanding we are not alone has been helpful.
So much has happened since my post nearly 2 months ago. We were fortunate enough to secure a private facility where our person has been living this entire time, undergoing various therapies and programs. We're tackling the addiction side of it all quite openly as it seems to be the easiest of the things to grasp. Currently, our person has been less suicidal and the therapies seem to have worked a little to give them structure and a purpose. Alas, the upcoming/unknown conviction leaves a gap for us and insane amounts of stress and anxiety. I've tried to have conversations with them to get more information to give us an idea what might be coming our way but that part of it is entirely shut down. Everything that seems to have taken place with images and sharing all seem to have been under influence and 'not in their right mind' but as a family we're struggling with that too.
We have no timelines and therefore every day feels chaotic but we're communicating the best we can. We're also pulling together at this point as the focus has been mental health and addiction but I'm scared for how we might fall apart when we learn more.
It has been helpful to read some things about 'the future'. That there is a possibility of things returning to - I can't say normal - but less chaotic?! I guess it will all depend on what has actually been done and the ramifications.
I'm sorry we are all here but thank you all for your words of wisdom and sharing your experiences.
So much has happened since my post nearly 2 months ago. We were fortunate enough to secure a private facility where our person has been living this entire time, undergoing various therapies and programs. We're tackling the addiction side of it all quite openly as it seems to be the easiest of the things to grasp. Currently, our person has been less suicidal and the therapies seem to have worked a little to give them structure and a purpose. Alas, the upcoming/unknown conviction leaves a gap for us and insane amounts of stress and anxiety. I've tried to have conversations with them to get more information to give us an idea what might be coming our way but that part of it is entirely shut down. Everything that seems to have taken place with images and sharing all seem to have been under influence and 'not in their right mind' but as a family we're struggling with that too.
We have no timelines and therefore every day feels chaotic but we're communicating the best we can. We're also pulling together at this point as the focus has been mental health and addiction but I'm scared for how we might fall apart when we learn more.
It has been helpful to read some things about 'the future'. That there is a possibility of things returning to - I can't say normal - but less chaotic?! I guess it will all depend on what has actually been done and the ramifications.
I'm sorry we are all here but thank you all for your words of wisdom and sharing your experiences.
Hi,
this may not bring you comfort but it might go some way towards preparing you for charges and court. My partners offence was communication so this isn't from experience but by researching and being on the forum for a long time. When it comes to distributing images sometimes it can become obsessive and large bundles of iioc are common among those with addictions. This may mean that they haven't viewed all of them or even have an idea around ages or categories of the images. The police forensics will determine how many images, ages and categories and this might come as a shock to your person as he may not have seen some of the images described or have any memory of them if under the influence aswell. Examples of the worst ones may be read out in court by cps as a way of trying to influence the judge's decision. If any family go to court it's important to remember that they want to secure a conviction. It will likely be distressing to hear the evidence but your person has already started working on themselves and this isn't all of who they are. Sending love and strength to you all xxx
this may not bring you comfort but it might go some way towards preparing you for charges and court. My partners offence was communication so this isn't from experience but by researching and being on the forum for a long time. When it comes to distributing images sometimes it can become obsessive and large bundles of iioc are common among those with addictions. This may mean that they haven't viewed all of them or even have an idea around ages or categories of the images. The police forensics will determine how many images, ages and categories and this might come as a shock to your person as he may not have seen some of the images described or have any memory of them if under the influence aswell. Examples of the worst ones may be read out in court by cps as a way of trying to influence the judge's decision. If any family go to court it's important to remember that they want to secure a conviction. It will likely be distressing to hear the evidence but your person has already started working on themselves and this isn't all of who they are. Sending love and strength to you all xxx
Hi, I'm sorry you're here and completely understand your confusion and pain. With my person, he got the most recent knock 3 years ago(this is the second time going through this), and he's about to be sentenced. Its a heck of a long road. I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one is going to know anything anytime soon. Also, please use the helpline. They're very knowledgeable and supportive. X