It was all lies
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So here I am posting again. Just so people know I have posted on here a few months ago but I had to rejoin under a different name as I forgot my previous details.
For the record it is over 2 years since the knock. My partner was charged with having images on his device in April. He first appeared in court in May and pleaded guilty on a plea basis that he had not searched for the images and that they had been sent to him in a chat room. The judge accepted the guilty plea but the prosecution did not accept the basis so the judge sent them away to produce the evidence that disproved his plea basis. He's been back twice and still the prosecution did not produce anything. All good you may be thinking, that's certainly what I thought. It backed up what he was telling me. Anyway, the judge then allowed the defence to have the equipment and he is due back in court next week. The defence have had there own expert look at the equipment and prepare a report, which was emailed to us yesterday. It's all there in black and white! The website's he's searched for, the amount of times he's searched, what he's looked at, for how long etc etc etc. His excuses were all lies.
It feels exactly as it was 2 years ago. The pain, hurt and emotion I feel is raw. I have made the decision that our relationship is over and this afternoon I am moving back into our English home (We have been living overseas for some time), which is currently up for sale.
I feel if he'd been totally honest from the beginning I maybe would've been able to process it and deal with it. Instead, his constant lies have dragged this on and on and on.
As it is now I can't see a future. I worry what will happen to him of course but I'm also worried what will happen to me and our family. I feel as if he's crushed everything again!
For the record it is over 2 years since the knock. My partner was charged with having images on his device in April. He first appeared in court in May and pleaded guilty on a plea basis that he had not searched for the images and that they had been sent to him in a chat room. The judge accepted the guilty plea but the prosecution did not accept the basis so the judge sent them away to produce the evidence that disproved his plea basis. He's been back twice and still the prosecution did not produce anything. All good you may be thinking, that's certainly what I thought. It backed up what he was telling me. Anyway, the judge then allowed the defence to have the equipment and he is due back in court next week. The defence have had there own expert look at the equipment and prepare a report, which was emailed to us yesterday. It's all there in black and white! The website's he's searched for, the amount of times he's searched, what he's looked at, for how long etc etc etc. His excuses were all lies.
It feels exactly as it was 2 years ago. The pain, hurt and emotion I feel is raw. I have made the decision that our relationship is over and this afternoon I am moving back into our English home (We have been living overseas for some time), which is currently up for sale.
I feel if he'd been totally honest from the beginning I maybe would've been able to process it and deal with it. Instead, his constant lies have dragged this on and on and on.
As it is now I can't see a future. I worry what will happen to him of course but I'm also worried what will happen to me and our family. I feel as if he's crushed everything again!
Oh God love tea - I'm so sad for you. It's only been 10 days since the knock for me - and what you are saying is my biggest fear. I can only imagine your anguish at the betrayal. Have you the support of friends and family? Sending love your way
T x
T x
Hi love tea
That's sounds quite like my husband in as much as he lied all the way through then kind of nearly at the end they found so much more than they'd had originally, 100's and 100's of Cat A images and videos
It destroys you, suffocates you, you doubt everything and everyone and the emotions are all over the place, nothing makes sense
I'm so sorry for you, you must feel doubly betrayed by this man you thought you knew.
All I can say is it does get better but it takes its toll and time, just try and hang in there.
Have you tried counselling? If you get a good one they are amazing
Thinking of you xx
That's sounds quite like my husband in as much as he lied all the way through then kind of nearly at the end they found so much more than they'd had originally, 100's and 100's of Cat A images and videos
It destroys you, suffocates you, you doubt everything and everyone and the emotions are all over the place, nothing makes sense
I'm so sorry for you, you must feel doubly betrayed by this man you thought you knew.
All I can say is it does get better but it takes its toll and time, just try and hang in there.
Have you tried counselling? If you get a good one they are amazing
Thinking of you xx
Hi all,
I feel the same about the lies. My husband has changed his story from one to another and then back again. He is in hospital at the moment with sepsis. I went to see him last night and yet again he has changed his story. I had to walk out because as ill as he is I wanted to smack him senseless.
ive spoken to the detective in charge of the case and he told me they have found nothing on any of his devices. With the exception of his iPhone which they still don't know yet. It turns out he gave them his 88 year old mothers laptop and they never had his desktop at all. They couldn't find it. My husband has lied constantly over the last almost 4 months. He admitted yesterday that he had smashed up both computers and took them to the tip before he was arrested. He also admitted to me that he'd done it because there WAS child porn and jailbait porn on them. As for his iPhone the only thing they can do with it is for the detective in charge of the case to hand deliver it personally to a specialist lab in London at the cost of £2000 to enable them to use a brand new programme to try and recover the images. I honestly believe my husband has most likely got an identical phone and got rid of his original one along with his computers. The detective suspects the same. So, it seems like a waste of money to hand deliver the phone to London as they most likely will find nothing anyway.
I have to wait until next week to find out if the phone is going to London. If it is not it will be NFA so the bastard will get away with it. I'm destroyed. I will never know the truth.
I feel the same about the lies. My husband has changed his story from one to another and then back again. He is in hospital at the moment with sepsis. I went to see him last night and yet again he has changed his story. I had to walk out because as ill as he is I wanted to smack him senseless.
ive spoken to the detective in charge of the case and he told me they have found nothing on any of his devices. With the exception of his iPhone which they still don't know yet. It turns out he gave them his 88 year old mothers laptop and they never had his desktop at all. They couldn't find it. My husband has lied constantly over the last almost 4 months. He admitted yesterday that he had smashed up both computers and took them to the tip before he was arrested. He also admitted to me that he'd done it because there WAS child porn and jailbait porn on them. As for his iPhone the only thing they can do with it is for the detective in charge of the case to hand deliver it personally to a specialist lab in London at the cost of £2000 to enable them to use a brand new programme to try and recover the images. I honestly believe my husband has most likely got an identical phone and got rid of his original one along with his computers. The detective suspects the same. So, it seems like a waste of money to hand deliver the phone to London as they most likely will find nothing anyway.
I have to wait until next week to find out if the phone is going to London. If it is not it will be NFA so the bastard will get away with it. I'm destroyed. I will never know the truth.
Oh Seamack
That's just awful, I'm so sorry.
You do know most of the truth though but not the details and that's what drives you mad, you know he's a liar, you know he's not a good person, you know he'll do it again if he gets away with it this time!
All heartbreaking my lovely but we're here for you xx
That's just awful, I'm so sorry.
You do know most of the truth though but not the details and that's what drives you mad, you know he's a liar, you know he's not a good person, you know he'll do it again if he gets away with it this time!
All heartbreaking my lovely but we're here for you xx
Tracey, thank you for your reply. Yes I guess I know most of it and the fact that he destroyed both computers (expensive ones at that) tells me he definitely had things to hide. He was an IT consultant so he knows all the tricks were technology is concerned. I know I will never know the full truth because he has destroyed all the evidence. And though he has admitted to me that he had iioc on his phone and child porn and jailbait porn on his computers, I wanted the police to confirm exactly what was there. All I keep thinking now is, just how young were the children? How bad was it? My head is just completely fucked up (sorry). Hugs, Sea xx
That's exactly how I felt Seamack even though in my mind I already knew the children were going to be young.
My very soon, hopefully in the next couple of months ex always had to do everything to the extreme and by that I mean if he'd taken up running he wouldn't be happy until he'd done a marathon if that makes sense!
It did come out in court the ages of the children which absolutely broke my heart and will never leave me but I know the worst and in a strange way it has contributed to my healing
Xx
My very soon, hopefully in the next couple of months ex always had to do everything to the extreme and by that I mean if he'd taken up running he wouldn't be happy until he'd done a marathon if that makes sense!
It did come out in court the ages of the children which absolutely broke my heart and will never leave me but I know the worst and in a strange way it has contributed to my healing
Xx