should I tell my longterm bf?
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Hello to all. Im an adult relative of an under18 offender. My parents received the knock a month ago while I was away at uni. My relative had been viewing and trading iioc as well as sending pics of himself to others in his age group online. Hes been waiting for the trial at home.
i have a boyfriend who has been nothing but supportive of me for the 4 years weve been together, loving in the face of very scary and unsavoury mental health struggles that would send the average person running, and then this happens. All bf knows is my relative went to jail for something thats been tearing me up. I havent wanted to burden bf with the knowledge and no one to talk to about it. Ive also been worried that it's not my place to share my relatives offense as he is allowed to be at school, has no contact with young minors, and bc some of his behavior points to trying to process undiscovered sexual abuse.
On two recent occasions while visiting me, I have allowed bf to interact with relative. I am furious with myself for not considering my bfs feelings. I think he could understand me not telling him the full story, but I fear he would feel violated that I let him talk to a nonce. I intend to not let the two have contact for the foreseeable future, I know never is unrealistic if bf and I continue but at least not until I tell him. However bfs family is inviting mine to their house for a Christmas celebration. They have bought my relative a gift. I want my parents to leave him at home. I want to tell his family or at least at least my bf. It's tearing me apart.
Does anyone have any advice?
i have a boyfriend who has been nothing but supportive of me for the 4 years weve been together, loving in the face of very scary and unsavoury mental health struggles that would send the average person running, and then this happens. All bf knows is my relative went to jail for something thats been tearing me up. I havent wanted to burden bf with the knowledge and no one to talk to about it. Ive also been worried that it's not my place to share my relatives offense as he is allowed to be at school, has no contact with young minors, and bc some of his behavior points to trying to process undiscovered sexual abuse.
On two recent occasions while visiting me, I have allowed bf to interact with relative. I am furious with myself for not considering my bfs feelings. I think he could understand me not telling him the full story, but I fear he would feel violated that I let him talk to a nonce. I intend to not let the two have contact for the foreseeable future, I know never is unrealistic if bf and I continue but at least not until I tell him. However bfs family is inviting mine to their house for a Christmas celebration. They have bought my relative a gift. I want my parents to leave him at home. I want to tell his family or at least at least my bf. It's tearing me apart.
Does anyone have any advice?
Hi, I don't have any advice I'm afraid, hopefully someone else will. But I was wondering if I could message you as it sounds like my young person is in a similar situation.
Hope you're okay xx
Hope you're okay xx
Also do you think if your relative is a minor and has been abused, do you think they would maybe understand rather than see him like you said, as a nonce? X
Hi Crushed, thank u for your message. your kindness comforted me during these stressful months. i am sorry if i upset anyone with my post, especially you. i know those are the kinds of words people on this forum have to hear a lot about your LOs. I hope you and your LO are doing ok. hugs.
You didn't upset me, I was just worried about your LO getting labelled if he too has been a victim. Hope you are both okay x
Hi, I read your post earlier but came back to comment after I'd thought about it. If I were your bf having been in a relationship for 4 years and I was introduced to one of your family members but you didn't divulge to me the convictions, I'd be really upset. I'd be upset that you didn't feel able to tell me and I'd be upset that you didn't give a choice in the matter as to whether I would want to be in said person's company. I guess you know your bf's past but what if he hasn't told you, because it's too painful, that he was abused as a child? I'm in absolutely no way criticising you. I completely get why you didn't want to divulge. My advice, for what it's worth which isn't much given my track record, I'd tell him asap. He sounds like a keeper from what you've said. I think he'll understand. X