The last club I ever expected to be part of
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Well here I am, a new member of planet knock. I'm only 5 days into this awful journey and already I feel I can't cope. Terrified doesn't cut it. I'm terrified of what the outcome will be for my husband. I'm terrified of what will become of me and my children. I'm most terrified of the media finding out.
This really is so unfair, I, like all of you here, have done nothing wrong and don't deserve this. I don't deserve to have SS breathing down my neck, telling me how to keep my children safe. I do keep them safe. They're my world. I don't deserve to have my whole world, the life I built, so cruelly pulled away from me in a split second. I don't deserve to live in fear of what will be said if/when it gets out. We live in a small village so I'm expecting it.
My husband was found to have engaged in online communication with a police decoy acting as a 12 year old on two occasions a couple of months apart earlier this year. In one of the chats he revieved Cat C images.
I know he has done what he has done, and I don't make excuses for him, but I know my children are not at risk, he loves them more than anything, they are the last people he would hurt. But now he can't be with them unsupervised. Obviously though I will be taking every measure to ensure their safety as that is the only thing that truly matters.
My house is still untidy from when they searched it and seized our devices, as all I've done is cry, I have no energy, but I need to sort it all out for when SS come to visit me. I don't feel up to doing anything. My husband is not a bad person and is not attracted to children, but he had made an awful mistake that has impacted all of us.
I don't know how I'll cope if he goes to prison, he might not, but he might. I don't know how I'll cope if the media finds out and tarnish my children's names. We didn't ask for any of this. We don't deserve our lives to change like this. But how do I abandon my husband who I'll always love, I'm so confused.
This really is so unfair, I, like all of you here, have done nothing wrong and don't deserve this. I don't deserve to have SS breathing down my neck, telling me how to keep my children safe. I do keep them safe. They're my world. I don't deserve to have my whole world, the life I built, so cruelly pulled away from me in a split second. I don't deserve to live in fear of what will be said if/when it gets out. We live in a small village so I'm expecting it.
My husband was found to have engaged in online communication with a police decoy acting as a 12 year old on two occasions a couple of months apart earlier this year. In one of the chats he revieved Cat C images.
I know he has done what he has done, and I don't make excuses for him, but I know my children are not at risk, he loves them more than anything, they are the last people he would hurt. But now he can't be with them unsupervised. Obviously though I will be taking every measure to ensure their safety as that is the only thing that truly matters.
My house is still untidy from when they searched it and seized our devices, as all I've done is cry, I have no energy, but I need to sort it all out for when SS come to visit me. I don't feel up to doing anything. My husband is not a bad person and is not attracted to children, but he had made an awful mistake that has impacted all of us.
I don't know how I'll cope if he goes to prison, he might not, but he might. I don't know how I'll cope if the media finds out and tarnish my children's names. We didn't ask for any of this. We don't deserve our lives to change like this. But how do I abandon my husband who I'll always love, I'm so confused.
When it first happened my house was also like a bomb had exploded and I had no energy I felt like i was dragging my dead body around.
But I made lists just a simple like 4 things (it quite often included eat something) and I would say if I can get just one thing crossed off this list then that's an achievement so I was just aiming for one and then felt amazing if I did more than that.
Just thought it might help, I know it seems really weird to be doing something as mundane as making a list, but I just thought 'i have to move, I have to do something otherwise SS/police whoever else will come round and think I'm not coping on top of everything else'
But I made lists just a simple like 4 things (it quite often included eat something) and I would say if I can get just one thing crossed off this list then that's an achievement so I was just aiming for one and then felt amazing if I did more than that.
Just thought it might help, I know it seems really weird to be doing something as mundane as making a list, but I just thought 'i have to move, I have to do something otherwise SS/police whoever else will come round and think I'm not coping on top of everything else'
I understand that it is extremely hard to take it in and to understand why they do it my OH reoffended after 10 years I was about to come off the register you need to put yourself and your children first. Unfortunately, it is the innocent ones that end up being hurt, through no fault of their own. just tried to take one day at a time and make time for yourself and the children. sending you hugs xx
Bless you - one can see your pain.
All I can advise is to 'try' to put your foot on the brake and take each day as it comes (I realise this is easier said than done). You can be so fraught with worry and your worry might never happen..... you really have to preserve your energy in this journey...... to use when needed.
Your mind goes into overdrive as more sinarios enter your mind which gets more frightened and stressed which is just no good for you. It's VERY important to look after and be kind to yourself, never forget that.......
keep strong - keep posting xxxxxx we are here.
All I can advise is to 'try' to put your foot on the brake and take each day as it comes (I realise this is easier said than done). You can be so fraught with worry and your worry might never happen..... you really have to preserve your energy in this journey...... to use when needed.
Your mind goes into overdrive as more sinarios enter your mind which gets more frightened and stressed which is just no good for you. It's VERY important to look after and be kind to yourself, never forget that.......
keep strong - keep posting xxxxxx we are here.
Oh my goodness how I feel for you. Just reading your post has reminded me of the place I was in 3 years ago when my son offended in a similar way.
If you haven't already done so, both you and your OH might want to consider contacting the LFF helpline for some support. You might also want to consider reaching out to your GP for help and support.
The journey you've now started on is long and hard so my advice is to try and take one day at a time as trying to think through all your fears is just so overwhelming.
Once you have had several posts validated by LFF you'll be able to private message people on the forum and I'm very happy for you to contact me if I can be of any support to you.
If you haven't already done so, both you and your OH might want to consider contacting the LFF helpline for some support. You might also want to consider reaching out to your GP for help and support.
The journey you've now started on is long and hard so my advice is to try and take one day at a time as trying to think through all your fears is just so overwhelming.
Once you have had several posts validated by LFF you'll be able to private message people on the forum and I'm very happy for you to contact me if I can be of any support to you.
Scorpio,
Take one day at a time. You are already doing brilliantly by posting here, you've found us so early on in your journey. The people on this forum have a wealth of advice and experience so please keep posting, we are here for you.
Take care
Take one day at a time. You are already doing brilliantly by posting here, you've found us so early on in your journey. The people on this forum have a wealth of advice and experience so please keep posting, we are here for you.
Take care
I remember this feeling all too well. We're 2 years on since the knock now. And although it doesn't seem it I promise it does get better. One day at a time. My best bit of advice is just to be selfish at the moment and think of yourself. Take time to cry. Do what you need to do. These next few weeks are going to be awful but I promise it does get better. Private message me if you need to talk about anything. We've all been in your situation or stleadt one very very similar.
Thank you to all of you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to reply to each one of you as I'm barely keeping my head above water as it is. The social worker is coming out to do their first assessment tomorrow and I'm truly scared. I'm so scared they'll take my children away, I haven't done anything wrong, why do I deserve this? I'm also scared they'll say my husband can't have any contact with them at all, that will be equally as heartbreaking. I'm just praying the visit goes well
You've done nothing wrong they won't be taking the children! Only rhe police or the courts have power to take the children and they must have alot of evidence! It's easier said than done I know but try not to stress out about this. All social services will need from you at this point is to acknowledge that he is a risk. They'll probably just say that he's not to have unsupervised access at this point. Is he on bail? What's his bail conditions?