Is he telling me the truth?
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My last post on here was a day before my OH was charged. Unfortunately he was charged with 6+ different things and it was quite unexpected.
My partner was charged for IIOC (A,B and C) which he says he downloaded accidentally from a porn site and deleted straight away, and for attempt sexual communication with a child. The latter is the offence he was initially arrested for. Police said they had a decoy and when they investigated, the KIK account being used was linked to his email address.
My partner denied the whole sexual communication offence and swore blind he has never even used KIK. After he was charged, I asked him to contact the officer in charge and ask what evidence they had for the communication offence as I was so shocked by this charge from what he had told me. He told me they said the only evidence they had was the initial intel the Kik account was linked to his email address (no actual evidence was found), the fact KIK had once been on his phone but there was no evidence it had ever been logged into, and the fact he had IIOC found on his phone.
I want to trust he's telling me the truth, but surely the CPS wouldn't charge for a sexual communication offence with such little evidence? From what I've written above, they haven't found anything on his devices really to incriminate him.
I just want to get someone else opinion on this? Do you think it's likely he would've been charged on so little evidence?
My partner was charged for IIOC (A,B and C) which he says he downloaded accidentally from a porn site and deleted straight away, and for attempt sexual communication with a child. The latter is the offence he was initially arrested for. Police said they had a decoy and when they investigated, the KIK account being used was linked to his email address.
My partner denied the whole sexual communication offence and swore blind he has never even used KIK. After he was charged, I asked him to contact the officer in charge and ask what evidence they had for the communication offence as I was so shocked by this charge from what he had told me. He told me they said the only evidence they had was the initial intel the Kik account was linked to his email address (no actual evidence was found), the fact KIK had once been on his phone but there was no evidence it had ever been logged into, and the fact he had IIOC found on his phone.
I want to trust he's telling me the truth, but surely the CPS wouldn't charge for a sexual communication offence with such little evidence? From what I've written above, they haven't found anything on his devices really to incriminate him.
I just want to get someone else opinion on this? Do you think it's likely he would've been charged on so little evidence?
Hello Spell,
I am so sorry you are going through this. It's awful.
In my case, it was images flagged on Kik that initiated the investigation. My husband swore up and down that it was all a mistake. I trusted him completely and believed him.
Unfortunately he was lying. He was too ashamed to admit what he'd done. It wasn't until a failed suicide attempt that he came clean in the hospital. I'm actually still with him. He's not a bad person but he has done a bad thing and needs to own that.
I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to know it's possible if they found images and a conversation linked to his email that he has done these things. If he has, then he needs to accept responsibility so that he can get the help he needs. You need honesty to make the best decision for you.
Take care of yourself.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It's awful.
In my case, it was images flagged on Kik that initiated the investigation. My husband swore up and down that it was all a mistake. I trusted him completely and believed him.
Unfortunately he was lying. He was too ashamed to admit what he'd done. It wasn't until a failed suicide attempt that he came clean in the hospital. I'm actually still with him. He's not a bad person but he has done a bad thing and needs to own that.
I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to know it's possible if they found images and a conversation linked to his email that he has done these things. If he has, then he needs to accept responsibility so that he can get the help he needs. You need honesty to make the best decision for you.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you for your reply.
I've been really struggling since he got charged, only my mum knows about this whole thing and I just feel so alone and like I've got no one really to talk to about it all. When I think about all the lies he's already told me, I wonder what I'm still doing in this position and I feel like such an idiot. He's done nothing to thank me for sticking by his side the last year and a half and it feels as though it's just an expectation from him that I stay.
I tried to split up with him on Saturday, as I just don't think I can do it anymore (long story short, he's still here, I'm on the couch of a night time and it seems he's missed the memo that I want him to leave). It's awful as aside from this, our relationship was perfect. But I feel like I'm being dragged through the mud too, and want so much more from life. I want to travel, I did want to move abroad, I want to be able to have my family members children around at the weekend. I don't want to have to worry about the Police coming around every week and not trusting him and suspecting he is telling me lies. I want a job that comes with a caveat that I can't be with someone who has a criminal record. All of these things I will have to sacrifice should I choose to stay with him.
I guess I'm just on a bit of a rant now, but it feels good to gets things off my chest as I genuinely have no one to talk to about all of this. Thankyou to whoever is reading.
I've been really struggling since he got charged, only my mum knows about this whole thing and I just feel so alone and like I've got no one really to talk to about it all. When I think about all the lies he's already told me, I wonder what I'm still doing in this position and I feel like such an idiot. He's done nothing to thank me for sticking by his side the last year and a half and it feels as though it's just an expectation from him that I stay.
I tried to split up with him on Saturday, as I just don't think I can do it anymore (long story short, he's still here, I'm on the couch of a night time and it seems he's missed the memo that I want him to leave). It's awful as aside from this, our relationship was perfect. But I feel like I'm being dragged through the mud too, and want so much more from life. I want to travel, I did want to move abroad, I want to be able to have my family members children around at the weekend. I don't want to have to worry about the Police coming around every week and not trusting him and suspecting he is telling me lies. I want a job that comes with a caveat that I can't be with someone who has a criminal record. All of these things I will have to sacrifice should I choose to stay with him.
I guess I'm just on a bit of a rant now, but it feels good to gets things off my chest as I genuinely have no one to talk to about all of this. Thankyou to whoever is reading.
I am so sorry for what you are going through, it's such an isolating and lonely experience - I am glad you have found this forum.
From reading your further comment in the post, I just wanted to say to you that you deserve to be happy and live the life you want for yourself. Think back to your younger self - would you be satisfied to tell her you stayed with someone who made you feel under appreciated and not valued? Regardless of your OH's offending, what stands out to me the most is the fact that your partner has not shown you any gratitude or appreciation for your support and love through all of this. Where is your support?! It doesn't appear he has any empathy for the pain you are going through when none of this is your fault. YOU should not be the one on the couch. If in your heart you know the relationship is not serving you, then please know you are allowed to leave. You don't need to justify a reason for this decision - you can just leave. I'm sorry if I'm coming off a bit opinionated, I would support you in whatever decision you make. I have chose to stay with my OH, for now, so I completely get it - but if he wasn't grateful, apologetic or prioritising my feelings then I would leave. I really hope you are OK. Sending you a big hug, feel free to message any time for a chat if you need someone to talk to x
From reading your further comment in the post, I just wanted to say to you that you deserve to be happy and live the life you want for yourself. Think back to your younger self - would you be satisfied to tell her you stayed with someone who made you feel under appreciated and not valued? Regardless of your OH's offending, what stands out to me the most is the fact that your partner has not shown you any gratitude or appreciation for your support and love through all of this. Where is your support?! It doesn't appear he has any empathy for the pain you are going through when none of this is your fault. YOU should not be the one on the couch. If in your heart you know the relationship is not serving you, then please know you are allowed to leave. You don't need to justify a reason for this decision - you can just leave. I'm sorry if I'm coming off a bit opinionated, I would support you in whatever decision you make. I have chose to stay with my OH, for now, so I completely get it - but if he wasn't grateful, apologetic or prioritising my feelings then I would leave. I really hope you are OK. Sending you a big hug, feel free to message any time for a chat if you need someone to talk to x
So sorry you're here with us Spell
im another unwitting victim of the kik club. Insisted hadn't done anything, didn't know, couldn't remember etc; the idiot has been lying or minimising or selective with the truth and more has come out further down the line unfortunately. Like you I've questioned everything little thing and just comment the conclusion that he has done it, I didn't see it coming, I can't change it so I've got to just crack on. I've had the added joy of social services involved as we have a child together, so that's another unpleasant added extra thrown in for good measure. My best advice would be to find out exactly what is coming.....what they have done, because it will come out. The longer you have to get your head around it and prepare the better, you don't want to find your strength only to have your world rocked by new revelations further down the line. And if they've continued to lie to you, the less chance they have of you staying. This is very stressful for partners and family who get draggged into this. As one of the ladies told me; you have to choose your "hard" because non of the options we have are easy or nice.
im another unwitting victim of the kik club. Insisted hadn't done anything, didn't know, couldn't remember etc; the idiot has been lying or minimising or selective with the truth and more has come out further down the line unfortunately. Like you I've questioned everything little thing and just comment the conclusion that he has done it, I didn't see it coming, I can't change it so I've got to just crack on. I've had the added joy of social services involved as we have a child together, so that's another unpleasant added extra thrown in for good measure. My best advice would be to find out exactly what is coming.....what they have done, because it will come out. The longer you have to get your head around it and prepare the better, you don't want to find your strength only to have your world rocked by new revelations further down the line. And if they've continued to lie to you, the less chance they have of you staying. This is very stressful for partners and family who get draggged into this. As one of the ladies told me; you have to choose your "hard" because non of the options we have are easy or nice.
Run.. As fast you can!
Dont wait around don't think he will change he won't.
And there is a high chance they will re offend.
don't waste your life.
Dont wait around don't think he will change he won't.
And there is a high chance they will re offend.
don't waste your life.
Spell, if it is a decoy they will usually have screenshots of the chat because the police will always be trying to preserve evidence. It may be that they haven't presented him with this or solicitor with this yet. If they don't have this, you should challenge that particular charge because the wording of the law states that the offender had to "intentionally" communicate with someone who he "reasonably believed" to be a certain age. Withtout evidence of the chat itself this is quite hard to prove. It's why decoys always repeatedly state their pretend age in the chat and many offenders foolishly continue with the conversation. That is what is used to convict them.