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Hello,
The case is now with CPS and is expecting charges shortly the OIC said that she will have to reopen the SS case when he gets charges which will mean I'll have to go through all that again :( it's right in my exam period at uni aswell that it looked like theyll be doing charges/court etc.
Can it go in the media from charges? I think I've seen someone else saying as soon as they were charged the police put it on their FB etc. I'm really scared for my children, my oldest has just started highschool and has already had some bullying, my next one down I think someone at the school must have told someone although I can't prove it, as I'm totally blanked by the other moms now and get nasty looks, and I've heard comments, and my boy got 'uninvited' from a birthday party :( I've seen stories on here of people children really getting the brunt of it and I'm terrified they don't deserve it :( my younger 2 are primary school age, my heart just breaks for them and it's been really intimidating and scary for me knowing the moms are talking behind my backs, I die inside when I get the looks.
The case is now with CPS and is expecting charges shortly the OIC said that she will have to reopen the SS case when he gets charges which will mean I'll have to go through all that again :( it's right in my exam period at uni aswell that it looked like theyll be doing charges/court etc.
Can it go in the media from charges? I think I've seen someone else saying as soon as they were charged the police put it on their FB etc. I'm really scared for my children, my oldest has just started highschool and has already had some bullying, my next one down I think someone at the school must have told someone although I can't prove it, as I'm totally blanked by the other moms now and get nasty looks, and I've heard comments, and my boy got 'uninvited' from a birthday party :( I've seen stories on here of people children really getting the brunt of it and I'm terrified they don't deserve it :( my younger 2 are primary school age, my heart just breaks for them and it's been really intimidating and scary for me knowing the moms are talking behind my backs, I die inside when I get the looks.
I'd do a freedom of information request on the school in this case. If someone has let slip to someone and the other parents know that is just terrible. And if they have it's likely the school staff have slipped up between themselves and possibly there will be a record amongst emails / teams chat of them chatting about it amongst themselves. etc. not sure what you do with it if you got the proof but it's a major breach of your confidentiality and something needs to be done.
my person has been through, charges, magistrates first hearing, plea at crown so far no media. Fully expecting the police to publish after sentencing they even told me they are likely too, if they are happy with the sentence and it makes them look good of course. All my children are now at secondary school and it is heartbreaking that they could be affected by this. Talk to school their head or head of years they should be able to put support in place.
Our case with social services was also reopened after charges. I spoke to them on the phone since charges and they closed the case. They have also told the police they have no concerns.
my person has been through, charges, magistrates first hearing, plea at crown so far no media. Fully expecting the police to publish after sentencing they even told me they are likely too, if they are happy with the sentence and it makes them look good of course. All my children are now at secondary school and it is heartbreaking that they could be affected by this. Talk to school their head or head of years they should be able to put support in place.
Our case with social services was also reopened after charges. I spoke to them on the phone since charges and they closed the case. They have also told the police they have no concerns.
hello
my Oh recieved his charges, been to magistrates court and crown court for plea. No media as of yet, sentencing is due next month and im hoping no media/press there.
i think it is a running fear amongst all if not the majority of us on this horrendous journey about it being made public. Some are posted and some arent.
All i will say is that the press do not think of those secondary victims aka us . Personally i dont think give us a second thought and they dont think of the impact this has on us never mind other people knowing.
What i have read on here is that peoples cases which are made public, most soon settle down evenutally. My mum always uses the term "Todays news is tomorrow's chip shop paper" (If only it was that simple but i appreciate the thought she was trying to achieve haha) .
you might get the odd comments etc but eventually people move on.
In my local area, theres a few that were made public (also by a vigilate group i will add) and now they are still carrying on with their lives. i see them get the odd comments but it does settle.
although i must admit, i am thinking if it was to be made public, id move. Although my children are still young and i feel huge guilt for them moving school etc, i think id need to do it for their sake and mind. But i also thought that last year when we first got the knock and was extensivley looking houses to rent so who knows how id react.
as regards to social services, i am not sure if this is correct but i think some depend on what you want going forward. i am wanting my OH to move back home although i have exlpained that i am not expecting it to be a quick process etc and they reopened it soon as he signed the SOR and had his first meeting with his offending manager (PPU) and it has been reopened (although our new social worker is awful but thats another story). If you are wanting to live together etc, then its likely to be reopened and reassessed. if you are happy with how it is, and not continuing the relationship etc, they might just leave it and keep it closed.
they all work differently but there is alot of us on here with the journey with SS so you arent alone. but i think if you want to live together also expect a journey as the running theme it seems is that they will do everything to pressure you to leave.
feel free to message me if you like, inbox is open for everyone x
my Oh recieved his charges, been to magistrates court and crown court for plea. No media as of yet, sentencing is due next month and im hoping no media/press there.
i think it is a running fear amongst all if not the majority of us on this horrendous journey about it being made public. Some are posted and some arent.
All i will say is that the press do not think of those secondary victims aka us . Personally i dont think give us a second thought and they dont think of the impact this has on us never mind other people knowing.
What i have read on here is that peoples cases which are made public, most soon settle down evenutally. My mum always uses the term "Todays news is tomorrow's chip shop paper" (If only it was that simple but i appreciate the thought she was trying to achieve haha) .
you might get the odd comments etc but eventually people move on.
In my local area, theres a few that were made public (also by a vigilate group i will add) and now they are still carrying on with their lives. i see them get the odd comments but it does settle.
although i must admit, i am thinking if it was to be made public, id move. Although my children are still young and i feel huge guilt for them moving school etc, i think id need to do it for their sake and mind. But i also thought that last year when we first got the knock and was extensivley looking houses to rent so who knows how id react.
as regards to social services, i am not sure if this is correct but i think some depend on what you want going forward. i am wanting my OH to move back home although i have exlpained that i am not expecting it to be a quick process etc and they reopened it soon as he signed the SOR and had his first meeting with his offending manager (PPU) and it has been reopened (although our new social worker is awful but thats another story). If you are wanting to live together etc, then its likely to be reopened and reassessed. if you are happy with how it is, and not continuing the relationship etc, they might just leave it and keep it closed.
they all work differently but there is alot of us on here with the journey with SS so you arent alone. but i think if you want to live together also expect a journey as the running theme it seems is that they will do everything to pressure you to leave.
feel free to message me if you like, inbox is open for everyone x
Hi,
Thanks for your replies, I have been open with the schools from the start and they have set up lots of support in school for them should they need it. I have no proof for the school or even that it has been leaked it's just that the way the other moms treat me has dramatically changed and I've heard some under the table comments but not directly too me.
To be honest it doesn't bother me that they don't like me I just feel awkward with the looks etc. And I don't want my son to be rejected by the friends he's had all through school because of what his dad has done, he had no control over it and neither did I, it's so unfair.
We aren't together, and are getting a divorce although I have said to him, despite me being angry, betrayed and left with all the responsibility of the children/life/house, that I will ask the question to SS about supervised contact after the court case. Although I've been told they will never allow it and if I try they will quickly proceed to taking me to court. They have said he will have to go to family court if he wants access, the police have said the same. SS seem to hold enormous power and to be honest all my fight is gone, I just want stability and safety and to know no-ones gunning for me to take my children/say I'm a bad parent. I don't want mine and their lives under scrutiny, it's not for me.
I would agree to supervised contact centre so that they have some contact if they want and that seems like it would be the least invasive to our lives but only if SS don't make it a big issue.
He's in agreement about not asking until after court because she if we're to have contact now and then get a custodial in January that would be so confusing for them. And he has actually been reasonable his parents have been very confrontational with me and defensive. But what's happening is far outside my control.
Because he's admitted being sexually attracted to children, I would want to start in a contact centre. We have a very vulnerable child so SS are adamant he should not be involved as the risk is too great.
The media terrifies me, he doesn't live here anymore but the police have said as he got arrested here they may publish this addresss. but we literally live next to a school so I can only imagine what will happen if the parents find out at that school. I've put security cameras up on my house and told all the neighbours were divorcing so when it does come out they can know that I chose to leave the marriage. It's just my little ones, (or not so little ones) my heart breaks for them every day and I can't stand the thought of anyone saying anything to them, I've shielded them up until now, they know what he's done but I've tried my best to let them know in a sensitive way.
Thanks for your replies, I have been open with the schools from the start and they have set up lots of support in school for them should they need it. I have no proof for the school or even that it has been leaked it's just that the way the other moms treat me has dramatically changed and I've heard some under the table comments but not directly too me.
To be honest it doesn't bother me that they don't like me I just feel awkward with the looks etc. And I don't want my son to be rejected by the friends he's had all through school because of what his dad has done, he had no control over it and neither did I, it's so unfair.
We aren't together, and are getting a divorce although I have said to him, despite me being angry, betrayed and left with all the responsibility of the children/life/house, that I will ask the question to SS about supervised contact after the court case. Although I've been told they will never allow it and if I try they will quickly proceed to taking me to court. They have said he will have to go to family court if he wants access, the police have said the same. SS seem to hold enormous power and to be honest all my fight is gone, I just want stability and safety and to know no-ones gunning for me to take my children/say I'm a bad parent. I don't want mine and their lives under scrutiny, it's not for me.
I would agree to supervised contact centre so that they have some contact if they want and that seems like it would be the least invasive to our lives but only if SS don't make it a big issue.
He's in agreement about not asking until after court because she if we're to have contact now and then get a custodial in January that would be so confusing for them. And he has actually been reasonable his parents have been very confrontational with me and defensive. But what's happening is far outside my control.
Because he's admitted being sexually attracted to children, I would want to start in a contact centre. We have a very vulnerable child so SS are adamant he should not be involved as the risk is too great.
The media terrifies me, he doesn't live here anymore but the police have said as he got arrested here they may publish this addresss. but we literally live next to a school so I can only imagine what will happen if the parents find out at that school. I've put security cameras up on my house and told all the neighbours were divorcing so when it does come out they can know that I chose to leave the marriage. It's just my little ones, (or not so little ones) my heart breaks for them every day and I can't stand the thought of anyone saying anything to them, I've shielded them up until now, they know what he's done but I've tried my best to let them know in a sensitive way.
Please remember only 1/10 cases make it to the media. Of course it's a possibility but try not to tie yourself up in knots about it at this stage. It is very rare for police to post at the charge stage unless it is something quite substantial. It also depends how active on social media your local force is and for what sorts of crime. Mine is relatively active but they love to report on violent crime, drug/vape busts, and car chases more than anything else.
Thankyou Losingit, I wish I could have faith in that statistic but the OIC has basically said they will put it on social media, so I know it's coming but I'm not sure when. I've started the process to change the children's names, I know it probably won't offer them much protection but I'm desperate for whatever I can get. It's been more expensive than I could afford, as has this whole process, but I would rather the kids are well looked after and I will go without if it means I can give them even a tiny bit of protection. I just think my heart is broken about this whole thing, I feel like I will never trust anyone again and the futures so scary. I almost just want to fast forward, see what's going to happen and get it over with. The waiting and wondering is the worst :(
I'm sorry. Just don't know how they figure "collective punishment" is in anyone's interest.
@T2021 thankyou for your reply and I'm sorry you're going through this too. Please don't answer if you don't want to, but did SS close the case because there's no contact between the children and dad? Or do you have supervised in place?
Thanks
Thanks