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Hi everyone.
As some of you know I'm well and truly in the eye of our storm at the minute and I'm experiencing the awful ripple effect of telling my immediate family. Parents initially very supportive but then the schock subsided and they've backed off until we know the outcome of the CC sentencing. Breaks my heart we are so close!
I finally spoke properly to my brother and sister in law last night - she's an experienced adult social worker. She said she had an open mind to it, but it was definitely more me trying to challenge her on her preconceived assumptions. Anyway I told the truth and gave all the context and can't do anymore than that. She knows I love my OH and want to stay with him, so it's up to her now. But it will take time I'm sure, for them all.
xx
As some of you know I'm well and truly in the eye of our storm at the minute and I'm experiencing the awful ripple effect of telling my immediate family. Parents initially very supportive but then the schock subsided and they've backed off until we know the outcome of the CC sentencing. Breaks my heart we are so close!
I finally spoke properly to my brother and sister in law last night - she's an experienced adult social worker. She said she had an open mind to it, but it was definitely more me trying to challenge her on her preconceived assumptions. Anyway I told the truth and gave all the context and can't do anymore than that. She knows I love my OH and want to stay with him, so it's up to her now. But it will take time I'm sure, for them all.
xx
Sorry to hear your family are struggling with this - but I guess they've got to be given time to process the information - and we all know how difficult that can be.
The few people who know so far (except for his daughter) have all been really supportive but once the investigation has concluded that could change - it all depends on how truthful he has been with me.
I hope your family can accept this eventually and give you the support you need
Xx
The few people who know so far (except for his daughter) have all been really supportive but once the investigation has concluded that could change - it all depends on how truthful he has been with me.
I hope your family can accept this eventually and give you the support you need
Xx
Hello
i could not read and not post
Telling family was one of the hardest things i had to do , previoulsy they had strong opinions on things like this and my OH was really respected in the family (literally from day 1). But i got the knock last year, a hour later managed to get the kids to school on time and it was just me and my youngest, i had noone to talk to and in a state of shock. i dont know what took over me but i rang my mum and just burst, told her everything that happened. My sister was there too and my dad so 3 of them were told at the same time in theory.
Were they shocked? yes.
were they angry with him? Oh yes!
but at that time, it had only been just over a hour so i didnt know the extent of anything or any details until my OH got back in touch. He was only gone 2 hours from arrest to intervew and being given a brick phone so he could contact me (they did ring to make sure i wanted to speak to him) and he confessed everything. it gave me more facts to give to them, and they could go from there. all i knew is i wouldnt judge them on how they feel going forward etc.
But they didnt judge, in fact they wanted to travel to come see me but that time i didnt want to see anyone, the shame and disgust i felt meant my pride became overwhelming and i didnt want any sympthay etc. My partner hasnt been allowed back home since the knock due to our children and the awful journey we have with SS but i do supervise in the community and we are hopefully working towards at least supervision by me in our home and SS know our end goal is for him to move back in. Family know our future goals and are so supportive of them and often feel our frustrations towards SS (sometimes worse than us haha)
Over time, once they calmed down and saw his remorse and the work he has done on himself etc, they have become more understanding, still bought him xmas presents and keep him involved and see him still as family on the basis he never ever does this again.
we are closely approaching the end of the journey as in sentencing next month and what i will say is my OH has been also fully transparent with them in such as when he got his charge sheet etc, he went to see them as he is staying with his parents until he can come home and my parents live close to them, to show him the charges himelf which also been respected from my family.
They are supportive in whatever sentence comes next month, they dont believe he will reoffend (but also very wary and open), they are really supportive and i honestly dont think we would of made it through this without my family and his parents support too.
but this has taken time, weve had 13 months and its taken them to physically see his remorse and they needed to see the work he has put into himself to ensure he gets the right help and tools to understand why etc and they needed full transparency from him and to know hes taking accountability for his actions and i dont know if theyd be as supportive had they not seen that xx
Time will only tell but i really hope that they are a support for you. its a difficult journey for all involved. sending love and hugs and my inbox is open to all xx
i could not read and not post
Telling family was one of the hardest things i had to do , previoulsy they had strong opinions on things like this and my OH was really respected in the family (literally from day 1). But i got the knock last year, a hour later managed to get the kids to school on time and it was just me and my youngest, i had noone to talk to and in a state of shock. i dont know what took over me but i rang my mum and just burst, told her everything that happened. My sister was there too and my dad so 3 of them were told at the same time in theory.
Were they shocked? yes.
were they angry with him? Oh yes!
but at that time, it had only been just over a hour so i didnt know the extent of anything or any details until my OH got back in touch. He was only gone 2 hours from arrest to intervew and being given a brick phone so he could contact me (they did ring to make sure i wanted to speak to him) and he confessed everything. it gave me more facts to give to them, and they could go from there. all i knew is i wouldnt judge them on how they feel going forward etc.
But they didnt judge, in fact they wanted to travel to come see me but that time i didnt want to see anyone, the shame and disgust i felt meant my pride became overwhelming and i didnt want any sympthay etc. My partner hasnt been allowed back home since the knock due to our children and the awful journey we have with SS but i do supervise in the community and we are hopefully working towards at least supervision by me in our home and SS know our end goal is for him to move back in. Family know our future goals and are so supportive of them and often feel our frustrations towards SS (sometimes worse than us haha)
Over time, once they calmed down and saw his remorse and the work he has done on himself etc, they have become more understanding, still bought him xmas presents and keep him involved and see him still as family on the basis he never ever does this again.
we are closely approaching the end of the journey as in sentencing next month and what i will say is my OH has been also fully transparent with them in such as when he got his charge sheet etc, he went to see them as he is staying with his parents until he can come home and my parents live close to them, to show him the charges himelf which also been respected from my family.
They are supportive in whatever sentence comes next month, they dont believe he will reoffend (but also very wary and open), they are really supportive and i honestly dont think we would of made it through this without my family and his parents support too.
but this has taken time, weve had 13 months and its taken them to physically see his remorse and they needed to see the work he has put into himself to ensure he gets the right help and tools to understand why etc and they needed full transparency from him and to know hes taking accountability for his actions and i dont know if theyd be as supportive had they not seen that xx
Time will only tell but i really hope that they are a support for you. its a difficult journey for all involved. sending love and hugs and my inbox is open to all xx
Hi everyone, a quick update as I think it's important to not just post all the bad news - I've saw my parents yesterday for the first time since I dropped the bomb. They were able to talk through the concerns they had and we had an open and frank discussion. The outcome was that they know I love my OH and want my future to be with him and it seems they are willing to support that - their overriding concerns are for me, my kids, the media and the potential fallout. So all the things you'd expect - all the things we are scared of too.
The difficulty in trying to explain, is that it's quite a complex (and highly personal) picture of an individual you're trying to convey - without giving all the detail, which for my OH is private and sensitive information. He's had a complicated and traumatic life and we know that's why he's in this position, but he hates us having to share more detail than absolutely nevcesary, which in turn makes me sound a bit vague on things.
Anyway I just wanted to say I feel a bit better about things with mum and dad - and me and the kids will still go over and have fun on Xmas day! Take every bit of joy you can xxx
The difficulty in trying to explain, is that it's quite a complex (and highly personal) picture of an individual you're trying to convey - without giving all the detail, which for my OH is private and sensitive information. He's had a complicated and traumatic life and we know that's why he's in this position, but he hates us having to share more detail than absolutely nevcesary, which in turn makes me sound a bit vague on things.
Anyway I just wanted to say I feel a bit better about things with mum and dad - and me and the kids will still go over and have fun on Xmas day! Take every bit of joy you can xxx