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I don’t know how to do this anymore

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LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

323 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 3:08pmReport post

Hi, some of you know I've been in this nightmare for more than 7 years now. First knock nearly 8 years ago now, we'd been in each others lives for 30 years, married for 17, 4 children. I supported him but we divorced within the first year because he told me he'd been attracted to children since the age of 12. He was sent to prison with a 3 year sentence the first time. 3 years ago, he reoffended. I really believed he'd never put us through all this again but here we are. We are still waiting for sentencing and I simply cannot bear the thought that this extreme stress is going to continue into next year. I've lost everything because of him, even my 3 adult daughters don't speak to me. I moved abroadwith my 2 youngest a year after the first knock to start a new relationship with someone I knew when I was 18. It didn't work out and my daughter's have never forgiven me for going but it was an amazing opportunity and at the time, everyone in my life, all my friends disowned me when they found out what my husband had done so it felt like a no brainer. So I went from having a really close, loving family of 6, to just myself and my son. I don't know how to get through Christmas with all the memories. How do I keep going? I just don't know any more. X

Lost4Words

Member since
August 2022

89 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 6:16pmReport post

Hi,

I can relate to various parts of what you say......I too have lost my only adult son (from previous marriage), my sister and my mom all say I am dead to them and want nothing to do with me because I left OH after the 1st knock. Then I went back to him, we then had a 2nd knock a year later, so I left again. Then like an idiot, I went back to him 8 months ago!

The day after he was sentenced it hit the press and Facebook. I had someone banging the front door and they kicked it and left a big muddy footprint. I took a photo of it the next day to show the police. I now have a marker on the house!!

I don't know anyone where I live, I'm a cleaner (so haven't got work colleagues).

I'm also dreading Christmas :-( I'll be a proper "billy no mates" now that my family have turned their backs on me.

Feel free to pm if you want to have a rant x

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

323 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 6:59pmReport post

Lost4words,

My persons case was plastered across social media and the press the first time. I'm petrified it'll happen again. I had a marker on where I am now in preparation but I had to ask the Police to remove it because first time around, my housing association were informed of the marker and I was threatened with eviction. Having become homeless because of all this first time round, I can't go through that again so I'll just have to risk it and hope for the best this time round. I'll message you. X

mum1982H

Member since
September 2022

11 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 7:14pmReport post

I know ultimately most of these people are suffering addiction and we know how difficult that is to live with. Why must the ones they should love suffer most.

I'm also living in a housing association property, my partners had to move out as bail conditions, perhaps that really is for the best for me. My daughter works with children so I feel it could also impact her job. My job does require dbs but I'm probably going to just start my maternity now so I can focus on resting even though being busy would probably help somewhat.

I hope you can move on from this, I'm so glad to have found this group

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

323 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 8:26pmReport post

Mum1982H,

my persons situation isn't about addiction. He was 12 when he developed an attraction to children. He stood no chance. Addiction with regard to the abuse of children is an excuse. Could you ever be sexually attracted to children, even if you were addicted to porn? I couldn't.

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

323 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 8:27pmReport post

Mum1982H, I'm 7+ years into this nightmare, if you'd read my post.

Lrf

Member since
July 2024

39 posts

Posted Sat December 21, 2024 9:37pmReport post

Mine also isn't about addiction, he's admitted an attraction to children, when I first joined this forum I felt like I couldn't post because so many were absolutely sold on the addiction theory and took them back and anyone who didn't feel that way seemed to get given the cold shoulder.

But thankyou for your thread littlerobin it hearing those stories help me know I wasn't wrong or lacking in empathy for leaving... I feel like my decision to protect myself was right he clearly is only out to protect himself despite how much pain he's caused and the position he's put me and our children in.