Anonymity
Notifications OFF
Husband was 'caught' in a vigilante sting which was streamed across Facebook. News hit my village very very quickly. He was a well known and well respected person in his business and industry.
He is now a long way away from home, on his own and worries about his safety. He wants to vote, and has had to apply for anonymity to vote, at a cost of £10. I am also travelling out of the area to send on his post, so the local postman and sorting office staff do not see his new address!!
Are we being too cautious? Or just sensible? I'm not sure. Does anyone else have these concerns? x
He is now a long way away from home, on his own and worries about his safety. He wants to vote, and has had to apply for anonymity to vote, at a cost of £10. I am also travelling out of the area to send on his post, so the local postman and sorting office staff do not see his new address!!
Are we being too cautious? Or just sensible? I'm not sure. Does anyone else have these concerns? x
I don't know how it is to be caught by a vigilante group and have the press spread news far and wide BUT our good friend and next door neighbour had THIS to say about moving away (and he knows the full story about my husband's arrest and investigation). He said that in his experience people who DON'T move and brazen it out actually don't notice that much difference in the long run. The worst that happens is that we get blanked at the local shop. He said that most people don't know what to say (a bit like when there's a death in the family) and will cross the road rather than struggle with words. Friends will be just that. He also said that in the early days when the news is fresh it's best to lay low (but my husband has a tendency to do that abyway). I found that encouraging as he (our neighbour) deals with people who have committed the worst of these crimes.
Whoops - I omitted to say that neighbour is a Probation Officer. (What helpful friends we DO have).
Hi Tabs
My husband was arrested for indecent movie clips... It was widely reported in the press... social media... Facebook etc. We decided to stay put. We live in a cul-de-sac so all the neighbours became aware of our secret. They all now ignore us.. I can live with it... people are judgemental... they don't know the true facts and the press coverage was absolute lies... As others have stated, eventually life goes on and people move onto other gossip...
My advice is to stick with what's makes you comfortable... Moving to another area might seem like a good idea but what might be the reaction if the new neighbourhood find out from other people what your partner has done... It could be far worse than what your imagining now. Best wishes...
My husband was arrested for indecent movie clips... It was widely reported in the press... social media... Facebook etc. We decided to stay put. We live in a cul-de-sac so all the neighbours became aware of our secret. They all now ignore us.. I can live with it... people are judgemental... they don't know the true facts and the press coverage was absolute lies... As others have stated, eventually life goes on and people move onto other gossip...
My advice is to stick with what's makes you comfortable... Moving to another area might seem like a good idea but what might be the reaction if the new neighbourhood find out from other people what your partner has done... It could be far worse than what your imagining now. Best wishes...
Although we managed to avoid the press and social media, we have since found out that some people locally have found out. We suspected that to be the case but it was confirmed about a month ago.
We've definitely made some changes, I no longer shop in the supermarket where people I suspect know work. However, my husband will quite happily go in there on his own. We have both avoided walking past our local pub as it often has people standing around outside smoking. I think it's going to take me a while before I feel anything but anxious with going out locally. The advice we got from my husbands SOR risk manager was to just keep a low profile.
Maybe because it wasn't public, it's only really people who know us that know. So I guess there is less risk of some random person attacking us in the street. They've also known now for 4 months. I've bumped into a few of them in that time and none of them have said anything, Tutleymutley's neighbour is probably correct in the most people don't know what to say. Of course the down side to that is, they will believe whatever they want to believe, which is generally the worst because they don't want to find out the facts.
Tabs right now you need to do whatever you feel is best for you. Village life is very different especially when everyone knows who you are, and if going out of the area to forward on his post is what you feel the most comfortable doing right now then keep doing that. Over time the gossip will die down and it will become yesterdays news, and you can reaccess.
Right now I want to move eventually, but unless things get to be too much of a nightmare I want my husband to get through the probation period without needing to change probation offices, so that's us here for 2 years.
We've definitely made some changes, I no longer shop in the supermarket where people I suspect know work. However, my husband will quite happily go in there on his own. We have both avoided walking past our local pub as it often has people standing around outside smoking. I think it's going to take me a while before I feel anything but anxious with going out locally. The advice we got from my husbands SOR risk manager was to just keep a low profile.
Maybe because it wasn't public, it's only really people who know us that know. So I guess there is less risk of some random person attacking us in the street. They've also known now for 4 months. I've bumped into a few of them in that time and none of them have said anything, Tutleymutley's neighbour is probably correct in the most people don't know what to say. Of course the down side to that is, they will believe whatever they want to believe, which is generally the worst because they don't want to find out the facts.
Tabs right now you need to do whatever you feel is best for you. Village life is very different especially when everyone knows who you are, and if going out of the area to forward on his post is what you feel the most comfortable doing right now then keep doing that. Over time the gossip will die down and it will become yesterdays news, and you can reaccess.
Right now I want to move eventually, but unless things get to be too much of a nightmare I want my husband to get through the probation period without needing to change probation offices, so that's us here for 2 years.
Thank you for your advice. Useful things to think about. This situation makes you feel so vulnerable and sensitive. I guess we have to believe that most people are good people. If it's difficult for us to understand, and we're all trying hard, it must be difficult for everyone else too. x
Aw Tabs my love. I really feel for you. I know how scary this can be. My husband has changed his first name as getting a job is really difficult. His last employer googled him and there was every detail of his case up. We moved as his OMU wouldn't allow us to live together there. I was heavily harassed and abused by random folk. We worried for our kids.
It may seem a bit OTT to go elsewhere to post his things but if it makes you feel safer then why not? Do everything you think will help you feel safe. You are at a very vulnerable point, if it helps you then why not?
It may seem a bit OTT to go elsewhere to post his things but if it makes you feel safer then why not? Do everything you think will help you feel safe. You are at a very vulnerable point, if it helps you then why not?
Thank you SallyBlue, that's food for thought! It's so sad that people can't leave punishment to the justice system. Also that they punish the families. Hope you are now happily settled with your family. x