Just need some advice
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So as you are aware we are through the otherside 5 weeks away from conviction spent and oh thinks he needs space and just wants to be on his own for a while, I have supported the 3 year journey and it's almost like I don't need you anymore, our daughter starts her exams in January and think he is being so selfish towards her she doesn't deserve this, if I say something he plays the I just want to die card he did attempt suicide as well at the start, family all came down to see us yesterday with presents, neighbours all still done the cards to us, friends coming around tomorrow night for our usual games night at this time of year, and yes we had media coverage.
Does he not know how lucky he has been if you can call it luck... ss was one visit he had no restrictions against our daughter we only had to navigate her friends visiting which as he is constant back shift this was easy to navigate, he took redundancy at work, had around 2 months off for his mental health.got another job sadly he was sacked when media coverage got another job a week later around 30 mins drive away and is now a team leader in less than 6 months in the position.
Am I holding onto something that just isn't there anymore... never felt so worthless and low in my life. I am back to work tomorrow so taking our daughter sale shopping today, he isn't coming as he needs rest he said, I have worked 60 hours weeks since last week in november to give them both the best christmas, I would love a rest but my daughter comes first regardless.
I don't think this will make sense to anyone but just trying to empty my mind before they all get out of bed
Does he not know how lucky he has been if you can call it luck... ss was one visit he had no restrictions against our daughter we only had to navigate her friends visiting which as he is constant back shift this was easy to navigate, he took redundancy at work, had around 2 months off for his mental health.got another job sadly he was sacked when media coverage got another job a week later around 30 mins drive away and is now a team leader in less than 6 months in the position.
Am I holding onto something that just isn't there anymore... never felt so worthless and low in my life. I am back to work tomorrow so taking our daughter sale shopping today, he isn't coming as he needs rest he said, I have worked 60 hours weeks since last week in november to give them both the best christmas, I would love a rest but my daughter comes first regardless.
I don't think this will make sense to anyone but just trying to empty my mind before they all get out of bed
There's no 'kind' way to say this, but yes he sounds remarkably selfish. These men bring so much suffering on those close to them (before we even start on the immediate victims of IIOC), and then some of them seem so absorbed in how much THEY have suffered.
In my opinion, they're very high on the selfishness spectrum. X
There seems to be a pattern whereby the people we support become absorbed in their own sorrow which they don't see past. My OH (22 months in, still awaiting forensics), seems to think it is ok to do whatever he wants because he has this hanging over him. Anything he does to ease his worrying and suffering ie to take his mind off the potential outcome, regardless of the effect his actions has on me, is ok in his eyes because he's the one that has his over his head. He doesn't see that it simply increases my stress.
If I'm hoping for anything in 2025, it's movement in the case at least. Can we please go on to the next stage?
If I'm hoping for anything in 2025, it's movement in the case at least. Can we please go on to the next stage?
Think I would tell him to F off.
Admittedly it took me quite a while to get to that point - and I didn't put it quite so bluntly!
I felt so worn down by holding it altogether that it felt like my head would explode. I know he felt suicidal at one point - but so did I.
Not sure they think too much about us and other family members and what we have been through
Admittedly it took me quite a while to get to that point - and I didn't put it quite so bluntly!
I felt so worn down by holding it altogether that it felt like my head would explode. I know he felt suicidal at one point - but so did I.
Not sure they think too much about us and other family members and what we have been through
This is probably a big generalisation but I don't think men think the way we do, they don't see how much of a ripple effect and consequences the knock has on ose around them.... If we acted like they do we would be seen so much worse!
My ex is incredibly selfish (but tbh was before the knock and slowly starting to look back and see how abusive and neglectful he has been for many years). Since the knock I have got zero info off him and he expects me to drop my child off with is family supervising (who don't know the full details as I've spoke to them, just a very watered down version). He even tried to blame me saying I knew about 1 fancy dress outfit so apparently should have known the rest!
He's constantly turned everything to feel sorry for him totally oblivious to the financial situation, but disgustingly has abandoned his child, yet when I put a healthy boundary of a contact centre whenever he wants to visit it's apparently all my fault been uncooperative and alienating him.
God help us when we go to court and reality hits because if it goes public people won't b as nice as the people around him at present! He's so lucky he has his own no mortgage house a job and family supporting him.
He genuinely thinks he is the victim and Ive read many stories on here on us partners taking on so much so accommodate them whilst they sit back and blame everyone else.
Its so difficult when they don't put the children first, they only get one chance as a father during childhood and kids learn from how fathers act. I feel the bond and trust has gone and long term will never rebuild that father/son relationship. I genuinely hope yours 'gets a grip' and can rebuild bonds with his daughter and support her during her exams, and appreciate your ongoing sacrifices and support.
I'm afraid I've no guidance or answers but a shared anger!!
My ex is incredibly selfish (but tbh was before the knock and slowly starting to look back and see how abusive and neglectful he has been for many years). Since the knock I have got zero info off him and he expects me to drop my child off with is family supervising (who don't know the full details as I've spoke to them, just a very watered down version). He even tried to blame me saying I knew about 1 fancy dress outfit so apparently should have known the rest!
He's constantly turned everything to feel sorry for him totally oblivious to the financial situation, but disgustingly has abandoned his child, yet when I put a healthy boundary of a contact centre whenever he wants to visit it's apparently all my fault been uncooperative and alienating him.
God help us when we go to court and reality hits because if it goes public people won't b as nice as the people around him at present! He's so lucky he has his own no mortgage house a job and family supporting him.
He genuinely thinks he is the victim and Ive read many stories on here on us partners taking on so much so accommodate them whilst they sit back and blame everyone else.
Its so difficult when they don't put the children first, they only get one chance as a father during childhood and kids learn from how fathers act. I feel the bond and trust has gone and long term will never rebuild that father/son relationship. I genuinely hope yours 'gets a grip' and can rebuild bonds with his daughter and support her during her exams, and appreciate your ongoing sacrifices and support.
I'm afraid I've no guidance or answers but a shared anger!!
I think your OH has been very selfish and self absorbed in himself. I hate to say it but I would agree with an anxious girl and tell him to sling his hook. You've managed on your own while he's been inside. I don't see why can't continue to manage on your own and we're all here to help you and support you sending you love and hugs xxx
He wasn't sent to prison he got 1 year on register, 180 hours community payback and 1 year supervision. He had managed really well as I said at the start I won't have him in a pity party it all blew up on Saturday night, we all said things that needed to be said we have a joint meeting with private psychologist early January to give her the structure we need as a family to work on with him, he was told in no uncertain terms he is the common denominator here I agreed with him on some things mainly being I bring my work home and can often be my only focus, but I think I still use it as my escape which is something I need to work on for sure, I wish things didn't have to reach boiling point before things are said, i think I am still scared of his mental health he said he had been trying to come off his medication but hadn't consulted the doctor a s was just taking it when it suited him, I think this has had a huge effect on his mood.
Thanks to all for the comments this is the only place you can be honest and put your cards on the table xx
Thanks to all for the comments this is the only place you can be honest and put your cards on the table xx