Unappreciated
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Hey everyone, hope you all had a lovely Christmas. Its been a year today since we got the knock at the door it quite literally turns our lives upside down. The last few months myself and OH have argued and I suppose drifted apart a bit, he was forced to leave the family home February so we have lived apart since then. He attended the house on Christmas day he argued with our 18 year old daughter then he left then boxing day he scared our 8 year old daughter by shouting and again left which meant I had to deal with the aftermath on both occasions. I definitely feel he needs anger management and counselling (due to bad upbringing) he agrees then does nothing about it. I've done everything I can to support him and I now question why when it seems my feelings etc don't matter to him. The last few months he's come across so selfish and ungrateful which he's never been like in the 11 years we have been together. Anyway think I just needed to rant more then anything LOL. Hope you all have a lovely new year. :)
Hey I didn't want to read and run, it is selfish and uncalled for, considering that they made the choice to commit the crime and drag your life into it, they essentially chose this for you and what a horrible choice.
Obviously I don't know your life, but I think setting firm boundaries is important in the face of selfish/self pitying behaviour, especially when it escalated to aggression. I would tell him firmly that his behaviour is unacceptable and should he behave that way again you will move to contact centre visitation, every time he violates a boundary be firm and do what you've said will be the consequence. Then he'll learn that he has to respect your boundaries and you as a person, everyone deserves peace in their home and to be respected.
I always think of the quote 'what your not changing your choosing' and we have the right to choose how we're treated as innocent victims by the offender, considering most of our other choices have been taken by their crime.
Obviously I don't know your life, but I think setting firm boundaries is important in the face of selfish/self pitying behaviour, especially when it escalated to aggression. I would tell him firmly that his behaviour is unacceptable and should he behave that way again you will move to contact centre visitation, every time he violates a boundary be firm and do what you've said will be the consequence. Then he'll learn that he has to respect your boundaries and you as a person, everyone deserves peace in their home and to be respected.
I always think of the quote 'what your not changing your choosing' and we have the right to choose how we're treated as innocent victims by the offender, considering most of our other choices have been taken by their crime.
I really have no advice but All I will say is you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. It's all well and good him saying he needs anger management but if he isn't going to act on that and get it for himself then there's not much else you can do. It took me a long time to realise that. Especially after the knock witb my partner, I was forever telling him about the inform course he can do and he just kept saying yeah ill do it but never got around to it. He kept telling me he found it hard to ring someone because of the shame of what happened but I too had to make those phone calls to get the help I needed because of his choices. In the end I had to be super firm with him and he did sort things himself. He's the same about everything in life though. Just waits for things to fall into his lap rather than getting things for himself. I'm not sure if that helps you much but yeah him saying he knows he needs anger management doesn't help you. Especially after the knock he should be trying everything to prove to you he can change.
My oh could be your oh twin I think, literally just had it out with mine about his selfishness and he needs to be grateful for what he jas in life, sending you love and strength