Finances
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how do people deal with finances?
it's only been a 10 days. I'm assuming oh will not ba able to be at home for some time, there's been no contact from police other than to tell me his bail conditions and say it could take a year plus to even check devices(bailed pending futher investigation) theybdid give some daft advice that they felt ss could lift his bail to be able to be at home but ss have told me that's not true and only police can lift anything.
ss have not yet even opened any kind of case despite ensuring me I'd be called to arrange a meeting. my midwife had called them 3 days after they called me just to be told I had no caseworker and they'd need to have in writing what i told her.
Financially oh cannot support me and my son and support himself independently, he was bailed to a family members address but that cannot be indefinite. He also can't afford legal help while providing for us.
I'm due to start maternity leave in less than 2 weeks, I've told him to just stop paying our bills and I'll have to deal with it. Now I'm panicked at how on earth I will cope. We live in a rented home and I'm the sole named Tennant. we were eating a small amount of uc but that stopped last month due to other changes in circumstances. what on earth do I do?
it's only been a 10 days. I'm assuming oh will not ba able to be at home for some time, there's been no contact from police other than to tell me his bail conditions and say it could take a year plus to even check devices(bailed pending futher investigation) theybdid give some daft advice that they felt ss could lift his bail to be able to be at home but ss have told me that's not true and only police can lift anything.
ss have not yet even opened any kind of case despite ensuring me I'd be called to arrange a meeting. my midwife had called them 3 days after they called me just to be told I had no caseworker and they'd need to have in writing what i told her.
Financially oh cannot support me and my son and support himself independently, he was bailed to a family members address but that cannot be indefinite. He also can't afford legal help while providing for us.
I'm due to start maternity leave in less than 2 weeks, I've told him to just stop paying our bills and I'll have to deal with it. Now I'm panicked at how on earth I will cope. We live in a rented home and I'm the sole named Tennant. we were eating a small amount of uc but that stopped last month due to other changes in circumstances. what on earth do I do?
If you contact uc and explain he has had to move out you should be able to claim full benefits as he cannot live at your address as bail conditions state.
you being the sole tenant will also help if you explain he is no longer financially helping you they should be able to do something
you being the sole tenant will also help if you explain he is no longer financially helping you they should be able to do something
you need to change your universal credit claim to a single claim/ do it now you should get a payment monthly from nect month
Ok this is going to be depressing (I'm sorry!) but here goes...
I think you have to assume that you will be a single parent, both financially & practically for the foreseeable. Firstly the whole process takes an incredibly long time. It will probably be at least 12 months before forensics even comes back (we're 15 months in & still nothing). Secondly, even once the legal process ends one way or another SS will still be very reluctant to sign off on him moving back in. And last of all, you may not want him back even when it becomes possible. A lot of men do lie or minimise sadly. I was dropped right in it as a SAHP (I now work PT). Your first step is UC. You have separated & he lives elsewhere & IME they were quite happy to treat me as single on that basis. It was actually all remarkably simple! Once you have UC sorted you can look at what else you will be entitled to (council tax reductions for example).
I think you have to assume that you will be a single parent, both financially & practically for the foreseeable. Firstly the whole process takes an incredibly long time. It will probably be at least 12 months before forensics even comes back (we're 15 months in & still nothing). Secondly, even once the legal process ends one way or another SS will still be very reluctant to sign off on him moving back in. And last of all, you may not want him back even when it becomes possible. A lot of men do lie or minimise sadly. I was dropped right in it as a SAHP (I now work PT). Your first step is UC. You have separated & he lives elsewhere & IME they were quite happy to treat me as single on that basis. It was actually all remarkably simple! Once you have UC sorted you can look at what else you will be entitled to (council tax reductions for example).
Also he has a moral responsibility to pay all the maintenance he can (maintenance doesn't count as income for UC purposes) once he's paid his own essential living expenses, and he needs to accept the impact of that on his own lifestyle. To be fair to my 'OH' he has accepted that and lives as cheaply as possible + picks up any over time going so he can both cover his legal fees & pay something towards his kids. We're lucky in that his parents are willing to house him indefinitely. But some men are going to struggle with the 'essential' aspect of 'essential living expenses'. I know I sound hard & angry, but 15 months of living with the consequences weighs on you & if you read the posts on here every day for many months it hits you how insanely selfish many of these men are.
I am not in exactly same position but I am kicking myself that I didn't sign up for single person council tax when he moved out. We were lucky as he was allowed back after 9 months but that is very unusual but we have been waiting for further updates on the case for 18 months now and no further update so I do agree with others it is best to plan on the basis on being on your own yet him still contributing (ie don't take it all on yourself as that is NOT fair to you).
I expect when we get to court in however many months / years, social services will likely ask him to move out again so I am already planning / saving etc for this situation as his income is much lower now he has lost his job through redundancy and has little hope of getting another one.
Also my OH just got a room in a shared house for him, so that at least once cheaper than a full set up in a flat etc.
I expect when we get to court in however many months / years, social services will likely ask him to move out again so I am already planning / saving etc for this situation as his income is much lower now he has lost his job through redundancy and has little hope of getting another one.
Also my OH just got a room in a shared house for him, so that at least once cheaper than a full set up in a flat etc.
I completely agree with sad & scared, especially on the last sentence! I'm just so sorry that you are going through this mess at such a precious time.
Thankyou all so much, gonna try and sort it tomorrow.
He's not refusing support but I insisted he get a solicitor, him insisting he's innocent doesnt change the fact there's clearly massive suspicion. And sadly I believe there may even be some form of proof, I can't imagine bail conditions being so harsh otherwise.
These backlogs really are cruel. Don't know how any of you have got through the waiting but you have and that brings me at least some hope
He's not refusing support but I insisted he get a solicitor, him insisting he's innocent doesnt change the fact there's clearly massive suspicion. And sadly I believe there may even be some form of proof, I can't imagine bail conditions being so harsh otherwise.
These backlogs really are cruel. Don't know how any of you have got through the waiting but you have and that brings me at least some hope
My person lost their job, after arrest.
I sold anything and everything, I rang the council for single persons allowance, cancelled and reduced all non-essential bills, I cashed in some shares I had as part of an employee scheme, sold the car and cancelled paying into my work pension.
I would contact citizens advice, they can help with some of the more practical things. Unfortunately until you have a certain outcome....you have to assume you're going to be a single parent with only your income for the foreseeable future because your partners future is so uncertain.
I wish you the best of luck, it's just crappy that it takes so long to get outcome but financially and otherwise you have to take action straight away.
I sold anything and everything, I rang the council for single persons allowance, cancelled and reduced all non-essential bills, I cashed in some shares I had as part of an employee scheme, sold the car and cancelled paying into my work pension.
I would contact citizens advice, they can help with some of the more practical things. Unfortunately until you have a certain outcome....you have to assume you're going to be a single parent with only your income for the foreseeable future because your partners future is so uncertain.
I wish you the best of luck, it's just crappy that it takes so long to get outcome but financially and otherwise you have to take action straight away.