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The knock came Feb 2023 and my partner pleaded guilty June 2024. We had told all his family but only my mum and dad. I have 3 older brothers amd never wanted to tell them anything. Having that conversation was just never going to be easy and the more time that passed after the knock the harder it become to tell. Then after he pleaded guilty he asked someone (pretty sure it was a police officer but I can't be 100% that time is all one big blur) we asked who we had to disclose the information too if anyone and they advised us not to tell anyone and just stick to their rules. So we sort of left it at that. My paetner has since avoided any family gathering. Anyway, over the Christmas period due to other circumstances we thought it best to tell my brothers. I nievly assumed that they would hear me out and not just listen to what he was charged with.. boy oh boy oh boy was I wrong.
They did not take it as planned and have said none of them want anything to do with me anymore, I am disgusting for sticking by him and they will fully support social services to take my children away from me, and went as far as to wish us both dead. They have said any time they're at my parents they don't want me to go there and if I do they will be taking their children and leaving which obviously is putting my parents in a terrible position and I feel awful. I knew they wouldn't be thrilled by it but I thought they would atleast hear me out and they just haven't. My mum is the only person currently allowed to supervise access amd they have been convincing her she shouldn't do that anymore and she too should turn her back on us. I'm not sure what to do from here, suddenly it feels like I have noone anymore. My partner is living near his family and they're all really supportive especially towards me but they live so far away. I'm just debating whether or not moving closer to them may be an option. That way my parents aren't in a position they have to choose. Also means I have no chance of bumping into any of my brothers whilst out and about.
Has anyone else told people who reacted this way? If so how do you deal with it because I have been an absolute mess ever since.
They did not take it as planned and have said none of them want anything to do with me anymore, I am disgusting for sticking by him and they will fully support social services to take my children away from me, and went as far as to wish us both dead. They have said any time they're at my parents they don't want me to go there and if I do they will be taking their children and leaving which obviously is putting my parents in a terrible position and I feel awful. I knew they wouldn't be thrilled by it but I thought they would atleast hear me out and they just haven't. My mum is the only person currently allowed to supervise access amd they have been convincing her she shouldn't do that anymore and she too should turn her back on us. I'm not sure what to do from here, suddenly it feels like I have noone anymore. My partner is living near his family and they're all really supportive especially towards me but they live so far away. I'm just debating whether or not moving closer to them may be an option. That way my parents aren't in a position they have to choose. Also means I have no chance of bumping into any of my brothers whilst out and about.
Has anyone else told people who reacted this way? If so how do you deal with it because I have been an absolute mess ever since.
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time with family. I've found the shock of the news the hardest thing, but after almost 4 weeks things have started to calm down a little. Your family have to be supportive of you, even if they don't understand your reasons. If there are already relational problems then I can imagine that understanding becomes even harder. It sounds to me as if moving towards a stronger support network might be the best option for you.
Forgiveness and understanding is replaced by fear and judgement in sex offence cases. My OH is being charged for a mistake he made on one day across a couple of hours, and the rest of his life society wil defined him by it. Doesn't seem like justice to me. He needed help, not condemnation. Yet here we are in the lap of the Gods, muddling through as we best we can. My overriding fear is for my children who have happy and fulfilled lives - the thought that this could detrimentally impact their lives is breaking my heart.
I still can't understand why the ministry of justice was advising the police to offer more conditional cautions in 2018, yet here we are 6 years on and nothing has changed. How many more lives must be destroyed for one off conversations and very low levels of images??
Good luck hun, whatever you decide to do, be selfish and look after yourself first and foremost because it's your life to live and you deserve to be happy xxxx
Forgiveness and understanding is replaced by fear and judgement in sex offence cases. My OH is being charged for a mistake he made on one day across a couple of hours, and the rest of his life society wil defined him by it. Doesn't seem like justice to me. He needed help, not condemnation. Yet here we are in the lap of the Gods, muddling through as we best we can. My overriding fear is for my children who have happy and fulfilled lives - the thought that this could detrimentally impact their lives is breaking my heart.
I still can't understand why the ministry of justice was advising the police to offer more conditional cautions in 2018, yet here we are 6 years on and nothing has changed. How many more lives must be destroyed for one off conversations and very low levels of images??
Good luck hun, whatever you decide to do, be selfish and look after yourself first and foremost because it's your life to live and you deserve to be happy xxxx
I feel so sad for you and how your bothers are treating you.
All I can suggest is to give them time to digest the situation. They are no doubt upset you didn't tell them earlier and in pure shock.
Everyone processes this in a different way and as hard as it is you have to respect that. Just keep pushing the fact you are innocent in all this - your still the same person, the same sister - hopefully they will adjust their thoughts and you can move forward together.
All I can suggest is to give them time to digest the situation. They are no doubt upset you didn't tell them earlier and in pure shock.
Everyone processes this in a different way and as hard as it is you have to respect that. Just keep pushing the fact you are innocent in all this - your still the same person, the same sister - hopefully they will adjust their thoughts and you can move forward together.
Hello xx
You story is very similar to mine. Like you I have older brothers who have cut me off, I do hold a little hope they will reach out to me one day.
I have messaged you, stay strong xxxx
You story is very similar to mine. Like you I have older brothers who have cut me off, I do hold a little hope they will reach out to me one day.
I have messaged you, stay strong xxxx
I dread this, because I'm certain majority of my family would disown me. Unfortunately I have friends close to my family, so would be a major ripple effect.
We have also been advised to only disclose to those who need to know. I have friends and family that are likely to have kids before the end of the SHPO, which annoyingly has the no under 16 contact clause, despite he has an online only offence.
We hope to get this clause removed before kids are on the scene. I would always want to be there for supervision, for my own peace of mind and kind of like our of respect to my family and friends who don't know about his offence.
We have kept it secret for nearly seven years...but I feel like doomsday is approaching. And it makes me think of I should just end it with my person to save me from the inevitable backlash.
You did what you thought was right for you. I hope in time your brothers give you the chance to rebuild the relationship.
For those I had to disclose to all said that as long as my person works on never offending again then they can be somewhat open minded. He admitted his guilt and showed remorse.
One person I told at first said he didn't want to speak to my person, but we are back to where we were before within months.
We have also been advised to only disclose to those who need to know. I have friends and family that are likely to have kids before the end of the SHPO, which annoyingly has the no under 16 contact clause, despite he has an online only offence.
We hope to get this clause removed before kids are on the scene. I would always want to be there for supervision, for my own peace of mind and kind of like our of respect to my family and friends who don't know about his offence.
We have kept it secret for nearly seven years...but I feel like doomsday is approaching. And it makes me think of I should just end it with my person to save me from the inevitable backlash.
You did what you thought was right for you. I hope in time your brothers give you the chance to rebuild the relationship.
For those I had to disclose to all said that as long as my person works on never offending again then they can be somewhat open minded. He admitted his guilt and showed remorse.
One person I told at first said he didn't want to speak to my person, but we are back to where we were before within months.