What does the future hold?
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My OH is currently serving a 6 mth custodial sentence for communicating with a minor and he will be on the SOR for 10 yrs. The judge wanted to make an example of him and said his mental health and alcohol issues don't come into it though before lockdown he was tee-total. He has never been in trouble with the law before and everyone was shocked with the custodial sentence as it was expected he would get a suspended sentence.
This is all from a 20 day conversation with someone that was part of a vigilante group.
I suppose I'm asking is, can someone have a future after all this? I am trying to support my OH as I genuinely believe this only happened due to him being in a very dark place at the time but I am worried if when he is released, will he be able to get work, rent property and move forward as a couple. Our friends have been amazing and have stood by us both but am I being delusional thinking we be able to have a "normal" life or will we be facing obstacles and constantly watching over our shoulder?
I feel exhausted with all this and if I am honest, I am questioning if I'm staying with him as I feel sorry for him or if I want to be with him.
I am very confused with how my future will be.
Is this normal?
This is all from a 20 day conversation with someone that was part of a vigilante group.
I suppose I'm asking is, can someone have a future after all this? I am trying to support my OH as I genuinely believe this only happened due to him being in a very dark place at the time but I am worried if when he is released, will he be able to get work, rent property and move forward as a couple. Our friends have been amazing and have stood by us both but am I being delusional thinking we be able to have a "normal" life or will we be facing obstacles and constantly watching over our shoulder?
I feel exhausted with all this and if I am honest, I am questioning if I'm staying with him as I feel sorry for him or if I want to be with him.
I am very confused with how my future will be.
Is this normal?
Hi,
I can't help with what life will look like after because you're much further along in this process than I am but I just wanted to say you're not alone with the 'am I staying because I want to or because I feel sorry for him' question.
ultimately, I've come to realise there was as much deceit involved in this decision as if he'd cheated on me and, while I wish him the best and I really hope he gets better, I don't think our relationship will ever be what it was. If this was all swept under the rug tomorrow and he could keep his job and his friends and our life was normal, I would still feel deeply betrayed by this situation and I think it would be the end of our relationship regardless. So, for me, that's my answer.
Yours might be totally different though and that's completely valid. Only you know your relationship and your situation and you can take as much time as you need to figure it out.
im starting therapy in the New Year to work through these conflicting emotions and figure out what's best for me. I don't know your circumstances, but it might be worth considering for you too
I can't help with what life will look like after because you're much further along in this process than I am but I just wanted to say you're not alone with the 'am I staying because I want to or because I feel sorry for him' question.
ultimately, I've come to realise there was as much deceit involved in this decision as if he'd cheated on me and, while I wish him the best and I really hope he gets better, I don't think our relationship will ever be what it was. If this was all swept under the rug tomorrow and he could keep his job and his friends and our life was normal, I would still feel deeply betrayed by this situation and I think it would be the end of our relationship regardless. So, for me, that's my answer.
Yours might be totally different though and that's completely valid. Only you know your relationship and your situation and you can take as much time as you need to figure it out.
im starting therapy in the New Year to work through these conflicting emotions and figure out what's best for me. I don't know your circumstances, but it might be worth considering for you too
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Hi CC
It does seem harsh the sentence your OH was given. From reading on this forum, sentences seem to vary depending on judges and how they read the guidelines!
I chose to stay with my OH, it's been extremely hard but we have never talked as much as we do now. My OH, has been in therapy, done courses etc and has shown remorse. I have also had therapy which helped me look at my life with and without him. I have days when I do doubt my decision and I can walk away if it's not working for either of us.
I've lost family because of this, which has been hard as they made me choose.
Take your time and it's ok with whatever you decide.
xxx
It does seem harsh the sentence your OH was given. From reading on this forum, sentences seem to vary depending on judges and how they read the guidelines!
I chose to stay with my OH, it's been extremely hard but we have never talked as much as we do now. My OH, has been in therapy, done courses etc and has shown remorse. I have also had therapy which helped me look at my life with and without him. I have days when I do doubt my decision and I can walk away if it's not working for either of us.
I've lost family because of this, which has been hard as they made me choose.
Take your time and it's ok with whatever you decide.
xxx
My person got a custodial and the judge said they wanted to make an example of him.
The apparent double life, the lies and deceit ( spanning many years) and the lack of trust meant I knew his offending would never go away. It was all over social media and local press. I felt it would always be lurking in the background waiting to rearrange it's ugly head.
I feel sorry for him but that's not enough to save a relationship I'm afraid
The apparent double life, the lies and deceit ( spanning many years) and the lack of trust meant I knew his offending would never go away. It was all over social media and local press. I felt it would always be lurking in the background waiting to rearrange it's ugly head.
I feel sorry for him but that's not enough to save a relationship I'm afraid
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I'm terrified what will happen to my son once released from prison but like a lot of things on this journey I've had to (try) to take one day at a time and not look too deep into his or our future.
Ive had to be very stoic with myself about this which includes a few self 'telling off's' otherwise I know it would be no good for my mental wellbeing and I have to keep strong. By experience I know you can fret and worry over things then in reality it doesn't happen, which is very draining.
Not sure this helps xxxx
Ive had to be very stoic with myself about this which includes a few self 'telling off's' otherwise I know it would be no good for my mental wellbeing and I have to keep strong. By experience I know you can fret and worry over things then in reality it doesn't happen, which is very draining.
Not sure this helps xxxx