How do we carry on?
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Starr, I feel for you and I'm so sorry you find yourself amongst us.
I found the early days after the knock very difficult to deal with. It was all very raw and confusing. I tried to go back to work immediately but I couldn't cope with my stressful job on top of what was happening to us privately. I ended up being signed off for a couple of weeks. I could have pushed for longer but knowing that this process could take years, I knew I had to get back to work somehow, and the sooner the better. It was tough to start with and I felt that everyone knew (they didn't). I disclosed to my line manager, HR and Security (because I had to really) and they were supportive.
It's a cliche but it does get easier as the days pass. My advice is to be very wary of who you tell - the fewer the better. Even disclosing to my closest friend in whom I thought I could depend, reacted in a way I didn't expect. We are still friends but I'm not sure what will happen if convicted.
Has your person spoken to you about it? Have they had a chance to tell you their side? I have found that quiet talks about the what, the why and how we're both feeling helped us build some bridges in our somewhat fractured relationship. I only hope that he's told me the whole truth and there's not something else I will need to deal with down the line.
Take care and do read some of the pinned posts which contain masses of advice x
I found the early days after the knock very difficult to deal with. It was all very raw and confusing. I tried to go back to work immediately but I couldn't cope with my stressful job on top of what was happening to us privately. I ended up being signed off for a couple of weeks. I could have pushed for longer but knowing that this process could take years, I knew I had to get back to work somehow, and the sooner the better. It was tough to start with and I felt that everyone knew (they didn't). I disclosed to my line manager, HR and Security (because I had to really) and they were supportive.
It's a cliche but it does get easier as the days pass. My advice is to be very wary of who you tell - the fewer the better. Even disclosing to my closest friend in whom I thought I could depend, reacted in a way I didn't expect. We are still friends but I'm not sure what will happen if convicted.
Has your person spoken to you about it? Have they had a chance to tell you their side? I have found that quiet talks about the what, the why and how we're both feeling helped us build some bridges in our somewhat fractured relationship. I only hope that he's told me the whole truth and there's not something else I will need to deal with down the line.
Take care and do read some of the pinned posts which contain masses of advice x
We had knock last July for our 16yr old son. At first I felt exactly like that and at time wasn't working. When it came to starting my new job I was panicking how am I going to be able to leave him. Our case is we believe our son is innocent and he's fully cooporated with police. But I have the mum guilt why didn't I set tighter controls on devices. Because of this I felt my story was so different to everyone else.
It does become easier in a way and having something to occupy your mind is good. I won't lie I have times still when I think of the future where is this all going to end and moments of feeling anxious.
All I can say is use this group for support if only just to sound off and get stuff out of your head.
Sending hugs xx
It does become easier in a way and having something to occupy your mind is good. I won't lie I have times still when I think of the future where is this all going to end and moments of feeling anxious.
All I can say is use this group for support if only just to sound off and get stuff out of your head.
Sending hugs xx
Hi Starr
I'm sending you a virtual hug and I 100 % completely echo what runawaygirl said.
I'm 5 months post knock and still have days I can't believe we are going through this. I fear the future and our small towns reactions if our situation goes all the way. I want to stay in a safe bubble & shut the world out.
This forum has given me comfort in the most stressful situation I believe i'll ever face. I hope it helps you too.
We are all here for you x
I'm sending you a virtual hug and I 100 % completely echo what runawaygirl said.
I'm 5 months post knock and still have days I can't believe we are going through this. I fear the future and our small towns reactions if our situation goes all the way. I want to stay in a safe bubble & shut the world out.
This forum has given me comfort in the most stressful situation I believe i'll ever face. I hope it helps you too.
We are all here for you x
Hi Starr,
You're at the very beginning of what will be a long process. You will be in shock for a while I imagine. Remember though that no one else knows what's happened unless you've told them and my advice would be to not tell anyone at this stage unless you feel they can be trusted. Depending on who you're employed by you might have to tell your employer. There's so much information on this forum from all of us who've been through it, twice for me. You can also phone the helpline and honestly, the people who you can speak with are very knowledgeable , completely on your side and understand what we're going through. You've had the shock of your life and you're in this for the long haul. Look after yourself and try to be kind to yourself. I wish you all the very best. X
You're at the very beginning of what will be a long process. You will be in shock for a while I imagine. Remember though that no one else knows what's happened unless you've told them and my advice would be to not tell anyone at this stage unless you feel they can be trusted. Depending on who you're employed by you might have to tell your employer. There's so much information on this forum from all of us who've been through it, twice for me. You can also phone the helpline and honestly, the people who you can speak with are very knowledgeable , completely on your side and understand what we're going through. You've had the shock of your life and you're in this for the long haul. Look after yourself and try to be kind to yourself. I wish you all the very best. X
Hi
You are still very early in this awful journey. The only advice I can give is to just take one hour/day at a time. Look after yourself however you can.
This is not a quick process so you need to find a way to manage things long term. The first month was like a blur for me, I just felt I was on auto pilot. I am now 3 months in and although it it still awful it is much better than it was.
You are still very early in this awful journey. The only advice I can give is to just take one hour/day at a time. Look after yourself however you can.
This is not a quick process so you need to find a way to manage things long term. The first month was like a blur for me, I just felt I was on auto pilot. I am now 3 months in and although it it still awful it is much better than it was.
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