Arguments and mud slinging
Notifications OFF
My ex husband got the knock in June. We have been separated nearly 9 years and had a brilliant routine before the knock. Our children stayed at his every other weekend and they went for dinner with him each week. Obviously since June that no longer happens. They have decided they don't want contact with him currently (he entered a guilty plea to distribution and awaiting sentencing) and I am supporting them with that.
My partner (together 8 years) also has two children who live with us predominantly but go to their mum's every other weekend. The weekends used to tally up but obviously they still go and mine are here. When this all kicked off I gave my partner the out, told him things were gonna get messy and he had the option to walk away. He decided to stay and said he would support us.
The problem is that at least three times since June he has thrown it in my face during an argument that 'we now have to deal with my kids every weekend and don't get kid free time' the latest argument was due to my kids going to my mum's tomorrow for the night. They are now leaving in the afternoon rather than midday and he started again.
I am furious with him as they didn't ask for this, I didn't ask for this. I love my kids and I doesn't bother me in the slightest that they are always here, they are safe and loved and that's the main thing. I know things have changed for us all but it feels like he is being unreasonable. Anybody else found the ripple effect of the knock going far and wide and how do I deal with attitude issues. This is all really tough and I just need to not have stuff out of my control thrown at me!
Sorry, I feel like I just rant but nobody understands where I am and how I feel. I feel so alone.
My partner (together 8 years) also has two children who live with us predominantly but go to their mum's every other weekend. The weekends used to tally up but obviously they still go and mine are here. When this all kicked off I gave my partner the out, told him things were gonna get messy and he had the option to walk away. He decided to stay and said he would support us.
The problem is that at least three times since June he has thrown it in my face during an argument that 'we now have to deal with my kids every weekend and don't get kid free time' the latest argument was due to my kids going to my mum's tomorrow for the night. They are now leaving in the afternoon rather than midday and he started again.
I am furious with him as they didn't ask for this, I didn't ask for this. I love my kids and I doesn't bother me in the slightest that they are always here, they are safe and loved and that's the main thing. I know things have changed for us all but it feels like he is being unreasonable. Anybody else found the ripple effect of the knock going far and wide and how do I deal with attitude issues. This is all really tough and I just need to not have stuff out of my control thrown at me!
Sorry, I feel like I just rant but nobody understands where I am and how I feel. I feel so alone.
Hi, I don't have the same situation as it was my kids dad/my husband that had the knock and now he's gone it's just me 24/7 with the kids, as were divorcing and he has no contact.
But I just wanted to say from reading your post I felt so sad that your partner is being that way, it's not your fault at all, and it is a terrible consequence of someone's else's horrible crime. You didn't choose this, the kids didn't choose this and he should recognise that this is the worst time of your life and be supporting you. This is a huge trauma for you and your children, their whole perspective on their dad will change, your lives are upended.
If he viewed your children as family rather than a partner's children then he would also just be glad that they are being loved and cared for in a safe environment. Hypothetically most parents don't get a 'break' if you have children it was just a lucky coincidence that you both had arrangements, but your children aren't a burden that needs to be sent away for your relationship to work.
Maybe be open with him about how it makes you feel when he says those things, you could even try writing him a letter to give him an insight into what your going through.
But I just wanted to say from reading your post I felt so sad that your partner is being that way, it's not your fault at all, and it is a terrible consequence of someone's else's horrible crime. You didn't choose this, the kids didn't choose this and he should recognise that this is the worst time of your life and be supporting you. This is a huge trauma for you and your children, their whole perspective on their dad will change, your lives are upended.
If he viewed your children as family rather than a partner's children then he would also just be glad that they are being loved and cared for in a safe environment. Hypothetically most parents don't get a 'break' if you have children it was just a lucky coincidence that you both had arrangements, but your children aren't a burden that needs to be sent away for your relationship to work.
Maybe be open with him about how it makes you feel when he says those things, you could even try writing him a letter to give him an insight into what your going through.