Please give me some advice
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Hello,
I am completely new to all of this, we had what I am now realising as "the knock" for our 20 year old son! Completely out of the blue, he was arrested and released on bail pending further investigation, pictures of a 16 year old.
We are horrified, my son is an idiot, but is full of remorse and guilt and I don't know how to help him. I feel like I have failed as a parent, we have had so many conversations over the last couple of years about safe behaviour online, but clearly it has made no impact.
He has started in a new job role, but it is a protected job, so I guess he won't have this job for much longer, which is so so disappointing and upsetting for him and us as a family. How can he not see the risks and dangers and stop himself!!!! I am horrified, angry, upset and yet I want to make sure he is ok as I can see he isn't.
Can anyone advise me on what happens next, he goes back to police in March, will he find out if he has been charged then?
Does he need a solicitor, he was offered one, but said he didn't know if he needed one or not. ????????
Thanks
I am completely new to all of this, we had what I am now realising as "the knock" for our 20 year old son! Completely out of the blue, he was arrested and released on bail pending further investigation, pictures of a 16 year old.
We are horrified, my son is an idiot, but is full of remorse and guilt and I don't know how to help him. I feel like I have failed as a parent, we have had so many conversations over the last couple of years about safe behaviour online, but clearly it has made no impact.
He has started in a new job role, but it is a protected job, so I guess he won't have this job for much longer, which is so so disappointing and upsetting for him and us as a family. How can he not see the risks and dangers and stop himself!!!! I am horrified, angry, upset and yet I want to make sure he is ok as I can see he isn't.
Can anyone advise me on what happens next, he goes back to police in March, will he find out if he has been charged then?
Does he need a solicitor, he was offered one, but said he didn't know if he needed one or not. ????????
Thanks
Hi Wanderer
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Its stressful and horrible and scary. I would suggest you and your son make contact with the Lucy Faithful helpline. I've found them a godsend. Yes I would advise getting a solicitor that specialises in this area. Don't be afraid to get mental health support for yourself and your son - there are specialist counsellors - you can probably get who you contact from the stopso/Lucy Faithful helpline. Take this one step at a time. I'd let your son know that you love him, etc. but you are upset about his actions in this regard but you love him regardless. He is likely going to need to hear this as he feels so bad about himself now. He is young and he'll likely need help to think all of this through.
Take care
Hycinth
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. Its stressful and horrible and scary. I would suggest you and your son make contact with the Lucy Faithful helpline. I've found them a godsend. Yes I would advise getting a solicitor that specialises in this area. Don't be afraid to get mental health support for yourself and your son - there are specialist counsellors - you can probably get who you contact from the stopso/Lucy Faithful helpline. Take this one step at a time. I'd let your son know that you love him, etc. but you are upset about his actions in this regard but you love him regardless. He is likely going to need to hear this as he feels so bad about himself now. He is young and he'll likely need help to think all of this through.
Take care
Hycinth
Hi
I'm in a similar situation my son is 16 and was arrested beginning of December relating to pictures sent April 2023 (he was only just 15 at the time) he's struggled a lot coming to terms with his sexuality he's also autistic, like u I now fear for his future and also ours as a family. He's had to leave the family home to stay with a relative, can't be around anyone under 18 iv got social services involved sorry I'm not much help as I'm new to this myself but my inbox is always open
I'm in a similar situation my son is 16 and was arrested beginning of December relating to pictures sent April 2023 (he was only just 15 at the time) he's struggled a lot coming to terms with his sexuality he's also autistic, like u I now fear for his future and also ours as a family. He's had to leave the family home to stay with a relative, can't be around anyone under 18 iv got social services involved sorry I'm not much help as I'm new to this myself but my inbox is always open
Hi, my son was 19 when the police paid us their first visit in June 2022. To say I was emotional was an understatement. I was embarrassed, angry, upset, disappointed and everything in between.
he was due to join the forces in the January, something he had wanted desperately. All blown out of the water.
Stood in our living room while the reason for arrest was announced on what at the time felt like a megaphone. I felt belittled and ashamed.
Not guilty continues for what felt like too long until the barrister stepped in and recognised despite not being in the country when some images where received into the house my son would not withstand a jury. The evidence and defence against the charges was not strong enough across all charges.
Pre sentencing reports have been completed and sentencing postponed again until March. So the stress goes on. Our relationship fractured and as much as I am a parent as you are I am incredibly angry at the clear demonstration of stupidity at the highest level.
And like you, the life he wanted is gone and potentially never recoverable.
xx
he was due to join the forces in the January, something he had wanted desperately. All blown out of the water.
Stood in our living room while the reason for arrest was announced on what at the time felt like a megaphone. I felt belittled and ashamed.
Not guilty continues for what felt like too long until the barrister stepped in and recognised despite not being in the country when some images where received into the house my son would not withstand a jury. The evidence and defence against the charges was not strong enough across all charges.
Pre sentencing reports have been completed and sentencing postponed again until March. So the stress goes on. Our relationship fractured and as much as I am a parent as you are I am incredibly angry at the clear demonstration of stupidity at the highest level.
And like you, the life he wanted is gone and potentially never recoverable.
xx
We had the knock for our 16yr old son and I presume the March date is when 3 months bail is up.
Our case seems different to many on here because we have no idea exactly what he's accused of other than IP address and his email address link to IIOC.
Our devices have gone straight to forensics so after the first 3 months the bail was extended. Next date is end a January for us. Thankfully he remains at home with us. He's a younger brother but also started college last September.
Our case seems different to many on here because we have no idea exactly what he's accused of other than IP address and his email address link to IIOC.
Our devices have gone straight to forensics so after the first 3 months the bail was extended. Next date is end a January for us. Thankfully he remains at home with us. He's a younger brother but also started college last September.
Yes we were only informed initially the intelligence was passed on by the National Crime Agency. They are frequently the first to become aware of many Internet offences. It was only once the devices were forensically examined we were advised of the finer details xx
Hi,
Thank you all so much for your responses, I have found them really helpful.
The Internet is so dangerous, I believe he now got caught in a rabbit hole and for some reason unable to pull himself out of it all.
We are all really struggling with this and the impact it will have on our lives. Will it go to the press?
I expect he will loose his job..... I worry about so much more, what could the charges be, what are the punishments...... it just goes on and he looks awful.
Thank you all so much for your responses, I have found them really helpful.
The Internet is so dangerous, I believe he now got caught in a rabbit hole and for some reason unable to pull himself out of it all.
We are all really struggling with this and the impact it will have on our lives. Will it go to the press?
I expect he will loose his job..... I worry about so much more, what could the charges be, what are the punishments...... it just goes on and he looks awful.
Yes he needs a solicitor even if the Police call him in for a "chat". They seem to leave their brains behind when it comes to this. Unfortunately it's a very very long process. Chances are it'll take ages for the Police to decide what they think they want to prosecute which gets sent to the CPS who ultimately decide and that takes ages. It also takes ages for any seized devices to be assessed. When it comes to having failed as a parent - no! The last thing your son will have been thinking about when he did this (if he did), would be all the conversations you've had with him surrounding this sort of thing. You're in this for the long haul, try to be kind to yourself. Your son will need you now more than ever. You might want to consider getting him counselling through the LFF if you can afford it. There is a course you can do also called INFORM. It would be very useful to you at the beginning of this journey. There's also the helpline that you or he can phone and they are very knowledgeable and non judgmental in my experience. All the best to you both. X