How do I talk about this?
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It's been one week since the knock.
No previous. 3 cat a images supposedly "uploaded" or "sent" from an account associated with his name in Dec 2023. Unconfirmed if they have ip address. Unconfirmed as to how they are defining uploaded. They won't tell us exactly what they believe has happened. Just that they have "data".
He has been described the images, he doesn't remember ever seeing something like that and I believe him. I believe that if he had or at least remembered, he would tell me. He is broken and distraught and it's breaking my heart. Both his parents turned him away. He was going to sleep in the shed but the police said it was fine and then changed their minds.
He is far away from home and today was the first time he got to spend some proper time with our daughter and she spent most of the time asking when daddy is going to come home.
I believe that he has never searched or requested iioc in any capacity and nor would he want to. I feel it is important that I stress how much I believe him.
I haven't told my parents yet. I want to go home. I don't care about this house and all our stuff. I just want to go home. I don't want social services bothering me and treating me like I'm the criminal. I just want to go back to the happy little bubble we had a week ago.
I am now grieving the fact that this means we won't be having any more children. We were going to talk about having another baby this summer. I already miss his beard hair and tooth paste in the sink. I miss the smell of the bathroom when I get up after he's already left for work. I miss huffing at him for never wanting to cuddle. I miss sitting in the garden until we are both shivering and snuggled up together looking at the stars and figuring out what the constellations are. I miss his constant worrisome questions about our little girl who is pretty much his sole reason for being alive still. I just can't believe this is happening to us.
Is there any chance at all this is all going to go away? I can't do this for years on end. We've found a good solicitor. We just need to wait to get paid so we can instruct them. They believe they might be able to have the bail conditions changed. If they can't find the alleged images on his devices is that it? Is it over?
No previous. 3 cat a images supposedly "uploaded" or "sent" from an account associated with his name in Dec 2023. Unconfirmed if they have ip address. Unconfirmed as to how they are defining uploaded. They won't tell us exactly what they believe has happened. Just that they have "data".
He has been described the images, he doesn't remember ever seeing something like that and I believe him. I believe that if he had or at least remembered, he would tell me. He is broken and distraught and it's breaking my heart. Both his parents turned him away. He was going to sleep in the shed but the police said it was fine and then changed their minds.
He is far away from home and today was the first time he got to spend some proper time with our daughter and she spent most of the time asking when daddy is going to come home.
I believe that he has never searched or requested iioc in any capacity and nor would he want to. I feel it is important that I stress how much I believe him.
I haven't told my parents yet. I want to go home. I don't care about this house and all our stuff. I just want to go home. I don't want social services bothering me and treating me like I'm the criminal. I just want to go back to the happy little bubble we had a week ago.
I am now grieving the fact that this means we won't be having any more children. We were going to talk about having another baby this summer. I already miss his beard hair and tooth paste in the sink. I miss the smell of the bathroom when I get up after he's already left for work. I miss huffing at him for never wanting to cuddle. I miss sitting in the garden until we are both shivering and snuggled up together looking at the stars and figuring out what the constellations are. I miss his constant worrisome questions about our little girl who is pretty much his sole reason for being alive still. I just can't believe this is happening to us.
Is there any chance at all this is all going to go away? I can't do this for years on end. We've found a good solicitor. We just need to wait to get paid so we can instruct them. They believe they might be able to have the bail conditions changed. If they can't find the alleged images on his devices is that it? Is it over?
Hi Sadandalone
Yes if nothing is found on his devices, then there's nothing more they can do and you just have to carry on as normal.
I'm in a similar situation, and 5 months post knock,husband was as shocked and upset as I was. Devices sent away and 3 months later they got back to us that one CAT b iioc on a phone from 2022 which flagged up as it went through our ip address from an international source. It was his phone and thats why they charged him.
Husband categorically denies any knowledge of this and I believe him..OIC was told he's low risk, no threat to our children and no Social services have been involved thank god (esp after hearing peoples situation on here).
Bail conditions were he's allowed home with supervision. We were also allowed to go on our planned holiday to America. We have a good solicitor and hope this nightmare ends soon.
Still to have his 1st hearing, which will either dismiss this case with a caution, or it goes all the way, but our solicitor said he has a great team of cyber forensics that will get to the bottom of this if it does.
Keep strong, day at a time has got me this far x
Yes if nothing is found on his devices, then there's nothing more they can do and you just have to carry on as normal.
I'm in a similar situation, and 5 months post knock,husband was as shocked and upset as I was. Devices sent away and 3 months later they got back to us that one CAT b iioc on a phone from 2022 which flagged up as it went through our ip address from an international source. It was his phone and thats why they charged him.
Husband categorically denies any knowledge of this and I believe him..OIC was told he's low risk, no threat to our children and no Social services have been involved thank god (esp after hearing peoples situation on here).
Bail conditions were he's allowed home with supervision. We were also allowed to go on our planned holiday to America. We have a good solicitor and hope this nightmare ends soon.
Still to have his 1st hearing, which will either dismiss this case with a caution, or it goes all the way, but our solicitor said he has a great team of cyber forensics that will get to the bottom of this if it does.
Keep strong, day at a time has got me this far x
This will be tough to hear (sorry!), but it's a piece of good advice I received early on...
SS will want to know that you are open to the possibility that your OH COULD be a risk to your child. If they feel you're closed off to that possibility they'll be much more intrusive. And to be fair, I can see their point on this. Unfortunately some men are not what they seem, even to those closest to them, & SS's primary obligation is to your child. So try & work with them constructively, even though it will hurt.
SS will want to know that you are open to the possibility that your OH COULD be a risk to your child. If they feel you're closed off to that possibility they'll be much more intrusive. And to be fair, I can see their point on this. Unfortunately some men are not what they seem, even to those closest to them, & SS's primary obligation is to your child. So try & work with them constructively, even though it will hurt.
Hopefulheart , sadandalone everyone's experiences always seem so different and without any rhyme or reason.
My OH bail conditions are really quite brutal with the understanding that I'm due to give birth in the next 4 weeks. He cannot be around any children under 18. supervision wasnt even mentioned.He cannot be at home.
The arrest was suspicion of posessing images with none immediately found. expecting an 8mnth turn around on forensics, next bail meeting in March.
The police even called and told me they didn't believe he was a risk to me and my son(16 not his child) saying ss should be able to put a plan I place but they told me his bail conditions are his bail conditions.
100% makes me believe there's something I'm not being told.
I really hope you all get quick resolutions, this limbo living is really torturous
My OH bail conditions are really quite brutal with the understanding that I'm due to give birth in the next 4 weeks. He cannot be around any children under 18. supervision wasnt even mentioned.He cannot be at home.
The arrest was suspicion of posessing images with none immediately found. expecting an 8mnth turn around on forensics, next bail meeting in March.
The police even called and told me they didn't believe he was a risk to me and my son(16 not his child) saying ss should be able to put a plan I place but they told me his bail conditions are his bail conditions.
100% makes me believe there's something I'm not being told.
I really hope you all get quick resolutions, this limbo living is really torturous
I'm so sorry you find yourself here, as I read your post it reminds me of how truly awful those early days are.
I'm here because of my son and we're now over 3 years since his arrest and 18 months post sentencing. I know you won't be able to see it now but I can reassure you life does get easier and one day you'll find yourself smiling again.
In the meantime you need to take care of yourself. If you haven't already done so, I recommend you both making contact with your GP for help and the stop it now helpline for support.
You'll find the people on this forum have a wealth of experience to share so keep reaching out, we're here for you.
I'm here because of my son and we're now over 3 years since his arrest and 18 months post sentencing. I know you won't be able to see it now but I can reassure you life does get easier and one day you'll find yourself smiling again.
In the meantime you need to take care of yourself. If you haven't already done so, I recommend you both making contact with your GP for help and the stop it now helpline for support.
You'll find the people on this forum have a wealth of experience to share so keep reaching out, we're here for you.
My situation is my 16yr old son and we believe he is innocent. We were told nothing by police when we had the knock last July but of opinion it's one image.
The solicitor didn't want bail conditions but they set some. Basically he couldn't be unsupervised with under 16s but this excluded his brother who was 13 at time.
We were close to the 2nd bail date which apparently needs to go higher to be extended and courts involved. Thankfully today we got call from OIC and he's no longer on bail but still under investigation so waiting for devices checked which from last July we were told 12 months and if no image the case would be closed.
The solicitor didn't want bail conditions but they set some. Basically he couldn't be unsupervised with under 16s but this excluded his brother who was 13 at time.
We were close to the 2nd bail date which apparently needs to go higher to be extended and courts involved. Thankfully today we got call from OIC and he's no longer on bail but still under investigation so waiting for devices checked which from last July we were told 12 months and if no image the case would be closed.
Again not a lot to offer - Oceans advice is very wise and says it all.
We lost a nephew, he sadly took his own life. My sister and I discuss our feelings of bereavement and although my son is alive and kicking - our thoughts are exactly the same. It is a loss and a bereavement.
All I can say is try your very best to be kind to yourself, life does unfold and you will reach new compromises and will move on...
hugs x
We lost a nephew, he sadly took his own life. My sister and I discuss our feelings of bereavement and although my son is alive and kicking - our thoughts are exactly the same. It is a loss and a bereavement.
All I can say is try your very best to be kind to yourself, life does unfold and you will reach new compromises and will move on...
hugs x
Hi, I guess it's possible but, you're in this for the long haul. I'm nearly 3 years into this. If you want your husband to have access to your daughter, you'll have to play the SS's game and prove to them that your only concern is the safety of your child. If I were you, I'd sell out the support from your parents. I've had no one throughout all this. I'd have given anything to have some support. I wish you all the very best. This forum is a great resource by the way. X
Mum1982h
Yeah Absolutely! Everyone's is so unique.
I'm also baffled by bail conditions because I read most bail rules on here are to have no contact with children under 18 unless supervised. Our situation is no contact with children under 16 unless supervised ? Weird!
Yeah Absolutely! Everyone's is so unique.
I'm also baffled by bail conditions because I read most bail rules on here are to have no contact with children under 18 unless supervised. Our situation is no contact with children under 16 unless supervised ? Weird!