New PO
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My OH has got a new PO. He only found out when he went to his appointment today, someone was supposed to inform him of the change but I'm not surprised they didn't as no one seems very good at communicating with him.
Anyway his last PO was easier to talk to, but this new one seems to be cold and 'clinical'. She is a lot younger and my OH gets the impression that she is a jobsworth. He usually comes home feeling positive after he's met with his PO, but not today.
Anyway his last PO was easier to talk to, but this new one seems to be cold and 'clinical'. She is a lot younger and my OH gets the impression that she is a jobsworth. He usually comes home feeling positive after he's met with his PO, but not today.
My partner got a new PO and had the same issue, he got very closed off and reslly struggled to open up about anything and would only be in the room to see him 5-10 minutes tops. His new PO put in complaints about him, and told SS who had already closed the case how he still believed he was a high risk to children because he wasn't opening up and wasn't remorseful and said he shouldn't be allowed to live with children among other things, he also requested his visor officer come out which they did, they searched his phone and see he had been watching legal porn but because of the complaints from his PO they requested SS get back involved who have made him leave home, refused to take into any account of our previous social worker and generally just made our lives hell all because of the reports and concerns from him. I'm not trying to scare you but If your partner is truly not happy with this new PO after a few weeks and feels as though they won't be able to work together, I highly suggest he ask to see someone knew. Just incase.
That's what I've suggested to him. I hope it was just the first meeting, but we'll see what his next meeting is like. This new PO has said that my OH shouldn't be in the same room on his own with our 16 year old daughter even though I am in the house with them. So sounds like I should be following them round the house and what happens when I need the toilet.
Yeah absolutely give it a few more times of meeting but if your partner isn't happy definitely request a new one.
What the hell! Have you had social services involvement? What have they said?
What the hell! Have you had social services involvement? What have they said?
I really feel for you, but I do think the more we talk about things and be as honest as we can be the better. Especially where family will be directly affected.
I told my sister in law and she's very senior in SS in my area and now won't and can't have anything to do with my OH. I had to tell her he was on the SOR if we had any hope of being able to spend time together with my niece as a family, but I understand it would be crossing a professional - and it's become obvious also a personal boundary, so there you go. I'm dealing with that now.
My mum has gone distant with me, heartbreaking, we have always been so close. She's in her late 70's and I don't know how much time we have left and it breaks my heart to think this has affected our relationship. However because I've backed off a bit to get some space, she's guess what ....spending more time talking about the situation with my sister in law rather than listening to me. Mum said in a panic yesterday, the kids will end up on a list with SS....she's scared for the kids, scared for what people will think, scared how people will react - she's always been a massive worrier and often I've felt like both my parents helicopter me even though I'm 46 (!!!), so it's a perfect anxiety storm.
These are all the things I'm frightened of too, but worrying about an unknown situation is counter productive and so I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other and take each day as it comes.
My parents have both said they don't think my OH should be coming to my address anymore ....I think we all know where this is heading. Appearing supportive but trying ti drive a wedge between me and my OH. Or at least that's how it feels.
In brighter news had a great conversation with the PO for the PPU yesterday who'll work with my OH whilst he's on the SOR. Super supportive, explained that he has a case load of 70 and my OH is at the bottom of his list for concerns. Felt my support had been a great impact on my OH and that we were a strong couple and he was really pleased with all his pre-sentence engagement with rehabilitation. Asked me what I knew, which is everything and he even said 'you know more than me.' I don't think it will be too long before we can get him to low risk and then hopefully very low. The saddest part was, he agreed that the sentencing guidelines for making should not be dealt with as possession, he had another client to speak to yesterday who had possession of 2,000 images and in court it will basically classed and dealt with as the same charge as my OH.
My ex husband been the absolute rock once again and was also pleased to hear about this news from the PO. His words were 'all this damage for a flawed system' .....
Rant over, sorry! Needed to get that off my chest this morning. Love to all xxx
I told my sister in law and she's very senior in SS in my area and now won't and can't have anything to do with my OH. I had to tell her he was on the SOR if we had any hope of being able to spend time together with my niece as a family, but I understand it would be crossing a professional - and it's become obvious also a personal boundary, so there you go. I'm dealing with that now.
My mum has gone distant with me, heartbreaking, we have always been so close. She's in her late 70's and I don't know how much time we have left and it breaks my heart to think this has affected our relationship. However because I've backed off a bit to get some space, she's guess what ....spending more time talking about the situation with my sister in law rather than listening to me. Mum said in a panic yesterday, the kids will end up on a list with SS....she's scared for the kids, scared for what people will think, scared how people will react - she's always been a massive worrier and often I've felt like both my parents helicopter me even though I'm 46 (!!!), so it's a perfect anxiety storm.
These are all the things I'm frightened of too, but worrying about an unknown situation is counter productive and so I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other and take each day as it comes.
My parents have both said they don't think my OH should be coming to my address anymore ....I think we all know where this is heading. Appearing supportive but trying ti drive a wedge between me and my OH. Or at least that's how it feels.
In brighter news had a great conversation with the PO for the PPU yesterday who'll work with my OH whilst he's on the SOR. Super supportive, explained that he has a case load of 70 and my OH is at the bottom of his list for concerns. Felt my support had been a great impact on my OH and that we were a strong couple and he was really pleased with all his pre-sentence engagement with rehabilitation. Asked me what I knew, which is everything and he even said 'you know more than me.' I don't think it will be too long before we can get him to low risk and then hopefully very low. The saddest part was, he agreed that the sentencing guidelines for making should not be dealt with as possession, he had another client to speak to yesterday who had possession of 2,000 images and in court it will basically classed and dealt with as the same charge as my OH.
My ex husband been the absolute rock once again and was also pleased to hear about this news from the PO. His words were 'all this damage for a flawed system' .....
Rant over, sorry! Needed to get that off my chest this morning. Love to all xxx
Maurauder - SS saw us not long after the knock and quickly closed the case. They were quite happy that he isn't a danger to our 16 year old daughter. Our other daughter is 20 tomorrow and has a daughter herself. After my OH's sentencing end of October, SS contacted my daughter and were quite happy for us to do what we have been doing i.e. contact with our granddaughter but supervised by me or my daughter. His old PO had bumped him down to meeting fortnightly instead of weekly as he was working with her and she deemed him to be low risk. Don't know what this new one will do.
Eye of the storm - that's sounds awful about your family. I've never told my family - my parents in their seventies and my mum had been diagnosed with early onset dementia not long before the knock. I've not told my sister either as I'm not particularly close to her, but I know it might sound funny, if I had told her she might have cut ties and would stop trying to have a relationship with me. It's good that you and your OH have the support from your ex husband and the PO.
Eye of the storm - that's sounds awful about your family. I've never told my family - my parents in their seventies and my mum had been diagnosed with early onset dementia not long before the knock. I've not told my sister either as I'm not particularly close to her, but I know it might sound funny, if I had told her she might have cut ties and would stop trying to have a relationship with me. It's good that you and your OH have the support from your ex husband and the PO.
Yeah his old probation worker was seeing him monthly as she said she was low risk, then when he got his new one he was seeing him weekly and said he was high risk.. now he's had to move back to his dad's house he is seeing his old probation worker who has changed it back to monthly visits. It's just silly really but never mind. We know for next time. It would have saved alot of agg. I'll keep everything crossed that she warms to him and they end up getting on well!