I feel beyond myself with sadness today. No idea why, nothing new has happend, I just woke up and burst into tears and haven't really stopped sobbing. Slow day at work so my mind is in overdrive too.
It's horrendous isn't it? Beyond describing. If you haven't been through it, I don't think you could get anywhere close to understanding.
It's totally pointless but I just keep looking back - why didn't I spot the signs? How did I fail my own child so badly?
I want to tear the whole internet down.
It's horrendous isn't it? Beyond describing. If you haven't been through it, I don't think you could get anywhere close to understanding.
It's totally pointless but I just keep looking back - why didn't I spot the signs? How did I fail my own child so badly?
I want to tear the whole internet down.
Starr, you couldn't have done anything.
They did this not you, they are a fully grown adult responsible for their own actions. It's in their best interest to hide what they've done through shame, fear, stigma.
It doesn't help that the internet is rife; it's hard to avoid. And again your person did this themselves, even if they did it unknowingly it's likely they have been on a bit of a questionable path or search to get to where they did.
Also these things exist because of the secrecy. I watched swiped documentary and basically the finding was that the only way to fix issues with kids being shown (and I guess adults using) inappropriate content; requires the government and law makers, the companies running the sites, and the users all to really pull together to stop it from all angles. If one of those is your weak link; the stuff is out there you can't stop it. I think if you do come across it, it's also hard to report because again of the implications and stigma.
sadly a lot of the ignorance about this is because people never believe it can happen to them.....I think most of us here could say we never suspected or would never have thought we'd be in this situation. Porn yes, cheating possibly. This never would have crossed my mind. But here we are.
we're all in this horrible place, but we're here together. We understand; and don't for one second question yourself. Do what you can to read up on internet safety and knowledge to protect you and your children. I think even had I known what I do now I couldn't have stopped it or spotted it. You hear hooves you think horses, not zebras.
They did this not you, they are a fully grown adult responsible for their own actions. It's in their best interest to hide what they've done through shame, fear, stigma.
It doesn't help that the internet is rife; it's hard to avoid. And again your person did this themselves, even if they did it unknowingly it's likely they have been on a bit of a questionable path or search to get to where they did.
Also these things exist because of the secrecy. I watched swiped documentary and basically the finding was that the only way to fix issues with kids being shown (and I guess adults using) inappropriate content; requires the government and law makers, the companies running the sites, and the users all to really pull together to stop it from all angles. If one of those is your weak link; the stuff is out there you can't stop it. I think if you do come across it, it's also hard to report because again of the implications and stigma.
sadly a lot of the ignorance about this is because people never believe it can happen to them.....I think most of us here could say we never suspected or would never have thought we'd be in this situation. Porn yes, cheating possibly. This never would have crossed my mind. But here we are.
we're all in this horrible place, but we're here together. We understand; and don't for one second question yourself. Do what you can to read up on internet safety and knowledge to protect you and your children. I think even had I known what I do now I couldn't have stopped it or spotted it. You hear hooves you think horses, not zebras.
Oh Starr, it must be a hump day feeling. I literally came on here to write the same heading post.
Of course it wasn't you. Of course it wasn't me. Of course it wasn't any of our fault. Yet here we are. Bracing this s*** storm together.
I too just feel so sad today. Sad when I think about the past I shared with my person/ex-person. Sad that the secure future that I never took for granted will never be. And i can't even imagine the future right now. As time seems to be standing still for me, whilst the world goes on and days tick by. Sad that I don't think I have experience true joy since the knock and can't see when joy will happen again.
I am confident in my decision to end things romantically with my person, yet I still feel sad for him. I wish that feeling wasn't here.
Just sad sad sad. Not debilitatingly so. But there is just a constant shadow in my heart that I don't think will ever pass. and i need it too, so I can give my children the joyful life they deserve.
Of course it wasn't you. Of course it wasn't me. Of course it wasn't any of our fault. Yet here we are. Bracing this s*** storm together.
I too just feel so sad today. Sad when I think about the past I shared with my person/ex-person. Sad that the secure future that I never took for granted will never be. And i can't even imagine the future right now. As time seems to be standing still for me, whilst the world goes on and days tick by. Sad that I don't think I have experience true joy since the knock and can't see when joy will happen again.
I am confident in my decision to end things romantically with my person, yet I still feel sad for him. I wish that feeling wasn't here.
Just sad sad sad. Not debilitatingly so. But there is just a constant shadow in my heart that I don't think will ever pass. and i need it too, so I can give my children the joyful life they deserve.
Sending hugs I was like this at the weekend and found myself crying and feeling alone.
I think I commented on your original post and your person is a child themselves like mine.
It's horrible playing the waiting game but all I can say it gets easier each day. Initially for days I found I couldn't even eat because of worry. I still have worries through the day if not occupied but don't spend the hours awake like I did initially.
Easier said but don't be too hard on yourself.
I think I commented on your original post and your person is a child themselves like mine.
It's horrible playing the waiting game but all I can say it gets easier each day. Initially for days I found I couldn't even eat because of worry. I still have worries through the day if not occupied but don't spend the hours awake like I did initially.
Easier said but don't be too hard on yourself.
Wow must be something in the air today because I too have spent the day crying on and off. The fear of the unknown at the moment is what's killing me. Me and my partner have decided to take a break because all of the pressure from social services, then on top of that most of my family have stopped talking to me becUae social services forced me to tell them everything even though they had no contact with my partner. So now with him living so far away and my parents being put in tbe middle between me and my siblings who are all hell bent on making my life a misery at the moment I have never felt so alone. Chuck in the mix of that I'm 7 months pregnant and have a 1 year old. I am pretty close to breaking point now.
Was a shitty situation when we got the knock 2 years ago. And it's just getting worse and worse when i thought it would be getting easier.
Was a shitty situation when we got the knock 2 years ago. And it's just getting worse and worse when i thought it would be getting easier.
So many of us having a rubbish day. I plan to go to bed early to just get it over with.
Tomorrow is another day. Your replies at least make me feel less alone.
Tomorrow is another day. Your replies at least make me feel less alone.
That's my plan too. I have laid on the sofa all day feeling sorry for myself crying so now I'm looking at the mess ny 1 year old has caused feeling guilty that I've left her to play today with all the screen time she desired. But I shall get it cleaned and sorted, I strongly believe sometimes we need a day to feel how we need too.
Starr,
Hope you feel better tomorrow, it's a vile emotional rollercoaster! I felt like that yesterday, but I've been too busy to feel anything today, most other days when I'm not not upset, I'm just confused, shocked, scared and overthink!
I really envy people who don't overthink, my brain never stops.
Wishing you all a better day tomorrow xx
Hope you feel better tomorrow, it's a vile emotional rollercoaster! I felt like that yesterday, but I've been too busy to feel anything today, most other days when I'm not not upset, I'm just confused, shocked, scared and overthink!
I really envy people who don't overthink, my brain never stops.
Wishing you all a better day tomorrow xx
Hope you've all had some better days. This week has been a right off really. I just can't get out of this hole I'm in. Dragged myself through work. Just going through the motions. And now it's almost the weekend, which I find really hard anyway. It's just all so awful. I really don't know if I can do it. I really don't.
I have awful nightmares when I can get to sleep, I wake lots and every time this whole mess comes flooding back. I can't concentrate or think about anything else. I hate dragging myself through work, but I also hate the emptiness of the weekend. There's no respite, nowhere to turn, just awfulness. That you also have to hide.
I have awful nightmares when I can get to sleep, I wake lots and every time this whole mess comes flooding back. I can't concentrate or think about anything else. I hate dragging myself through work, but I also hate the emptiness of the weekend. There's no respite, nowhere to turn, just awfulness. That you also have to hide.
How long have you been on this journey now?
I feel like there's no hope today. I don't know how to keep going. I've lived this for more than 7 years now and about to go to court again in 3 weeks. Its like wading uphill through treacle.
I'm feeling sad today too. Went out for Sunday dinner with my OH and his daughter and got myself all upset over everything. Made a right fool of myself crying in the restaurant and everything!
6 months into this hideous journey and it's taking its toll on all of us. Investigation is still ongoing, OIC said they were nearly finished with only one device left this was in early December but still no news. My OH's bail is up again on Thursday for the second time and we found out from the solicitor that it's going to be renewed again for another 3 months. This made us feel disappointed - It just feels never ending and we are all exhausted by it.
Sorry, just wanted a rant about it all. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
6 months into this hideous journey and it's taking its toll on all of us. Investigation is still ongoing, OIC said they were nearly finished with only one device left this was in early December but still no news. My OH's bail is up again on Thursday for the second time and we found out from the solicitor that it's going to be renewed again for another 3 months. This made us feel disappointed - It just feels never ending and we are all exhausted by it.
Sorry, just wanted a rant about it all. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
Perhaps it's after the Christmas celebrations and down to the weatherdown to the weather that all feeling so fed up. Still tomorrow is the start of a new week and hopefully something for us all to look forward to sending you all love and hugs xx
Bless my friends -it's such a nasty journey. When I read stories about these type of crimes, yes I think of the victims but I my heart goes out to the families and the devastation they are going through.
A thing that's really unrecognised- that's why this forum is so amazing..... it's an understanding space for us.
A thing that's really unrecognised- that's why this forum is so amazing..... it's an understanding space for us.