Do we try and work though this
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It's been three months since the knock my partner/ex was talking online with 4 vigilantes for three weeks and sent an indecent image to 2 of them. From what he's told me it was 2 days later they were at the door. He was arrested that night then release on bail. We have 2 kids together and SS have allowed supervised visits supervised by myself and his mother.
At the time I thought it was all over between us and just over a week later me messages me and tried to explain things. His metal health wasn't good he was an a chat site just talking to anyone and about anything. But to keep the conversation going at time he would even start to sexting other adults if that's what they asked for. It was on this app that it led him to talking to vigilantes (unbeknown to him) he said he was just talking to them and didn't find out till later that they said they weren't over 18 and were 14.
He now paying for counselling and has reached out to the Lucy Faith Foundation for help.
I don't know if there is a future for us. I believe he wasn't in a good place at the time when this all happened, it just isn't him, but I feel so hurt by what he's done. Where to I go for here, I miss him and still love him but there is so much hurt and trust broken and then if I want to take him back there's dealing with SS and I don't think my family would back me.
How do I make the decision
Any advise , please
At the time I thought it was all over between us and just over a week later me messages me and tried to explain things. His metal health wasn't good he was an a chat site just talking to anyone and about anything. But to keep the conversation going at time he would even start to sexting other adults if that's what they asked for. It was on this app that it led him to talking to vigilantes (unbeknown to him) he said he was just talking to them and didn't find out till later that they said they weren't over 18 and were 14.
He now paying for counselling and has reached out to the Lucy Faith Foundation for help.
I don't know if there is a future for us. I believe he wasn't in a good place at the time when this all happened, it just isn't him, but I feel so hurt by what he's done. Where to I go for here, I miss him and still love him but there is so much hurt and trust broken and then if I want to take him back there's dealing with SS and I don't think my family would back me.
How do I make the decision
Any advise , please
Hi Moon,
I hope you are well. Welcome to the shittest club in town. I'm a new arrival myself via the detestable vigilanties
I have decided that in terms of a relationship we are done. Do I love him? Absolutely. Do I miss him? Terribly so.
But do I trust him? Absolutely not. And without trust. We can't be together. Plus I'm also grappling with what he did.
What I can say, from my very limited but recent experience is that the vigilantie decoys are very good and making sure the person they are chatting to are fully aware that they are 14, and usually very early doors into the chat, before any sexual chat happens. But of course every situation is different.
So it may be worth asking your OH to be completely honest with you and themselves. Which I think is very difficult for a lot of men who have sent us to this club.
Inbox is always open as we seem to be on the same path at the same time xx
I hope you are well. Welcome to the shittest club in town. I'm a new arrival myself via the detestable vigilanties
I have decided that in terms of a relationship we are done. Do I love him? Absolutely. Do I miss him? Terribly so.
But do I trust him? Absolutely not. And without trust. We can't be together. Plus I'm also grappling with what he did.
What I can say, from my very limited but recent experience is that the vigilantie decoys are very good and making sure the person they are chatting to are fully aware that they are 14, and usually very early doors into the chat, before any sexual chat happens. But of course every situation is different.
So it may be worth asking your OH to be completely honest with you and themselves. Which I think is very difficult for a lot of men who have sent us to this club.
Inbox is always open as we seem to be on the same path at the same time xx
Hi moon
Sorry to hear your situation is still ongoing and can't be easy .
From what I have read from your situation is your oh is trying to stand by his family in which he probably realises he loves dearly and it took all this to realise what was happening. Having been in depression myself it takes a lot to admit there is something wrong .
My experience is similar and friends will leave to avoid the situation whether you try to work it out or not . I wouldn't class these ppl as friends .
If family love you which sounds like your close they will stand by your decision maybe not in a ideal way but they will be there yo help you .
Ultimately I think this all comes down to how you feel about your oh and are willing to try .
Hope this helps.
Sorry to hear your situation is still ongoing and can't be easy .
From what I have read from your situation is your oh is trying to stand by his family in which he probably realises he loves dearly and it took all this to realise what was happening. Having been in depression myself it takes a lot to admit there is something wrong .
My experience is similar and friends will leave to avoid the situation whether you try to work it out or not . I wouldn't class these ppl as friends .
If family love you which sounds like your close they will stand by your decision maybe not in a ideal way but they will be there yo help you .
Ultimately I think this all comes down to how you feel about your oh and are willing to try .
Hope this helps.
Personally my advice here whilst be don't rush into any decision and make it perfectly clear. Take time to talk to him. Wait and see the outcome of what gets discovered on his devices, make sure you get full disclosure. Maybe try the inform course and get yourself some help dealing with this hell. Make no decisions until you see it in him that he is sorry and will do anything to make it right. This journey is just hell and if jts one your going to walk you need to be 100% sure that this Is what you want and that he is willing to fix it, especially considering he is the one that broke it. I understand bad mental health and things just be sure to see an improvement and see him working on himself
Thanks both for your replys to this post it such an emotional rollercoaster.
He's asking me if I want to go through the Lucy Faith Foundation so he can get unsupervised time with the kids and at time be able to stay overnight. It's a lot to put the kids through and I really don't know what to do. He's going to be asking to go through the couywith Lucy Faith and is paying for counselling.
It's only 3 months I to the journey and it feels like forever but only just happened
He's asking me if I want to go through the Lucy Faith Foundation so he can get unsupervised time with the kids and at time be able to stay overnight. It's a lot to put the kids through and I really don't know what to do. He's going to be asking to go through the couywith Lucy Faith and is paying for counselling.
It's only 3 months I to the journey and it feels like forever but only just happened
These first few months are absolutely horrendous and honestly I don't know how me or my partner made it out alive let alone together. Although we have separated recently for different reasons we both hope to be able to fix things one day. But anyway, do not let him put pressure on you to do anything you or the children aren't ready for! Have you had any social involvement because of this at all?