16 months in & something is actually happening
Notifications OFF
After a 16 month (!!!) wait on forensics 'OH' has finally been contacted regarding a second interview. Unfortunately the solicitor can't do the next few weeks and then the OIC has time off, so it won't be for another five weeks. The solicitor will ask for more info, but the OIC has been extremely cagey throughout & may well say nothing. Part of me thinks that the distinct non-urgency throughout might mean he's very low level, part of me knows it might just be the creaky system.
He is sticking to his "I was just sent one file I didn't want & instantly deleted it" story. He claims he then deleted the kik app off his phone (kik of course, because he IS that predictable) having deleted his kik account, so will see. But the police turning up forced him to reveal years of online & offline infidelity, so he has form for lying. He seems genuinely upset by the long wait & now by another delay, but who knows. At this stage I've accepted he'll pick up some kind of conviction (maybe a caution if he's telling the truth) but I desperately don't want him to have been lying to us all all this time.
He is sticking to his "I was just sent one file I didn't want & instantly deleted it" story. He claims he then deleted the kik app off his phone (kik of course, because he IS that predictable) having deleted his kik account, so will see. But the police turning up forced him to reveal years of online & offline infidelity, so he has form for lying. He seems genuinely upset by the long wait & now by another delay, but who knows. At this stage I've accepted he'll pick up some kind of conviction (maybe a caution if he's telling the truth) but I desperately don't want him to have been lying to us all all this time.
I'm sorry to hear you've found yourself at the next awful step in this journey.
I often think, if I were in the same situation with the horrendous shame and stigma of this hanging over me, what would I do (?). would I be 100% honest.....I get it, these are people desperately trying to hang on to people they love and a life they once knew. Out of desperation comes half truths or denial of how bad things got for them. It does not mean they are bad people, even if they don't tell us the whole truth from the very off, even though as the victims of fallout we desperately need and deserve it.
Second interviews generally come about because they've found more evidence they want to ask him about. However depending on what it is, this can be assessed and challenged by a good solicitor.
Your post here is flooding back lots of memories for me, and I'm sending all my love to you for this next stage. My inbox is always open xxxx
I often think, if I were in the same situation with the horrendous shame and stigma of this hanging over me, what would I do (?). would I be 100% honest.....I get it, these are people desperately trying to hang on to people they love and a life they once knew. Out of desperation comes half truths or denial of how bad things got for them. It does not mean they are bad people, even if they don't tell us the whole truth from the very off, even though as the victims of fallout we desperately need and deserve it.
Second interviews generally come about because they've found more evidence they want to ask him about. However depending on what it is, this can be assessed and challenged by a good solicitor.
Your post here is flooding back lots of memories for me, and I'm sending all my love to you for this next stage. My inbox is always open xxxx
Thanks! Yes I'm presuming that re evidence. Obviously I'm hoping he has been reasonably honest & we're talking a small amount of deleted material, but who knows. The worst outcome is one where I have to sit down with my children & explain that he's lied & that what they've found means further contact with him wouldn't be a good idea. I would seriously consider NC if he's lied & has been clearly seeking this stuff out over a period of time. But my instinct is that he's BROADLY telling the truth.
Just to add, I can rationally understand why they lie. But if he has lied to the kids, who are old enough to understand, I really don't want anything to do with him. I have told him clearly that if he is honest I am open to supervised access for as long as the kids want it, but I won't tolerate lies, especially not to them. I have full disclosure with his solicitor, so he'll also have been lying to him, which is....not very intelligent. But he hasn't shown himself to be very intelligent!
I am similar. We are still awaiting evidence (after nearly 3 years) and although he has put all his cards on the table and told me everything (apparently) as to the extent of the problem..... if there is more to it when the evidence comes back and I find he has lied to me, it's game over as far as we are concerned. I really really hope this is not the case, but I cannot stay in a marriage where there are big lies. The deceipt of the offending was bad enough....
Good luck to you, you have my deepest empathy X
Good luck to you, you have my deepest empathy X
I think the other problem our OHs have regarding recalling what they've done is that in a heightened, mindless scrolling state you're already not thinking straight and if someone has been viewing a lot of different extreme legal and illegal material they become desensitised to what they're doing, so it might actually be harder to recall what you've seen. I do fully appreciate the betrayal is massive and for some you'll never move on from that, but I still think these are men with problems, terrified of what they've done and the repercussions for their loved ones, dealing with sexual traumas they may never disclose, probably unsure what the police might even find.....maybe not overly sure what they have even seen. For us who aren't in that world every image would be imprinted and haunt us forever ....but with this I think it might be different. I don't know, just trying to look at things from a perspective I'll never understand, but trying to for the sake of my relationship.
Sending love, hugs, strength and courage as always xxx
Sending love, hugs, strength and courage as always xxx