Telling Work (Childcare)
Notifications OFF
It's been one week since I was informed by my brother of his arrest, which happened in December. This is my first post and this whole thing is obviously a difficult thing to process but another layer was added due to my job. I work in childcare and also a safeguarding lead, so protecting children is essentially my entire job. I went to work the day after I was told but was so distraught I was sent back home. I just explained that there was a family issue and gave them the information that it was a safeguarding issue but that I wasn't involved in any sense and haven't spoken to police at all, just to ensure my job wouldn't be affected at all by this.
I don't live with my brother, and I clearly wasn't aware of it, so my job is safe, however due to the nature of his arrest, and my history with trauma from my own abuse, I feel like they need to know, especially since it's going to be extremely difficult for me to 1) work with children, with this massive feeling of guilt, like I've failed them, 2) Dealing with the associated trauma responses, and PTS symptoms and 3) processing my feelings on whether or not I want to maintain a relationship with him, and whether or not I feel like I can continue my job if I do
My brother and I were best friends before this, so I am absolutely heartbroken, besides my husband, is the most important person in my life, but I've worked so hard for this career and have worked my way up over the best part of a decade.
Basically, how do I explain this to work? How much detail do I give? Do I need to pick sides (brother vs work)?
Thanks
I don't live with my brother, and I clearly wasn't aware of it, so my job is safe, however due to the nature of his arrest, and my history with trauma from my own abuse, I feel like they need to know, especially since it's going to be extremely difficult for me to 1) work with children, with this massive feeling of guilt, like I've failed them, 2) Dealing with the associated trauma responses, and PTS symptoms and 3) processing my feelings on whether or not I want to maintain a relationship with him, and whether or not I feel like I can continue my job if I do
My brother and I were best friends before this, so I am absolutely heartbroken, besides my husband, is the most important person in my life, but I've worked so hard for this career and have worked my way up over the best part of a decade.
Basically, how do I explain this to work? How much detail do I give? Do I need to pick sides (brother vs work)?
Thanks
1st of all sorry that you find yourself here , In the midst of all you will be feeling which is every emotion possible maybe I can give you a positive outcome?
my family member whom was young adult at the time of arrest wasn't my child , I worked in a school at the time and I couldn't face going back , I loved my job but it completely distraught me and I too felt shame and guilt how can I possibly work at a school protection g children loving my job , my colleagues all of it , I felt he ruined my life and what I loved, I told my boss instantly as I returned home after receiving the news of arrest. I couldn't face returning to work , anyway a year past and he was given his sentence (non custodial) and I thought why am I missing out on what I love doing , I love my family member that just doesn't go away and I new the circumstances of his case , but I wanted my life back for the things that I loved, I haven't committed a crime , loving a relative who has, isn't a crime (legally) I've never committed a crime so I got back into education and i didnt disclose any information becuase legally i didnt have to, this isnt on me. but....i chose to disclose to my boss because i wanted to , she knows the situation, she thanked me for telling her and nothing else came of it and ive been there over a year now . We feel the shame and the guilt, but after all the hurt and everything else that come with it i wanted to regain my life back because it's what I'm good at and it makes me happy
my family member whom was young adult at the time of arrest wasn't my child , I worked in a school at the time and I couldn't face going back , I loved my job but it completely distraught me and I too felt shame and guilt how can I possibly work at a school protection g children loving my job , my colleagues all of it , I felt he ruined my life and what I loved, I told my boss instantly as I returned home after receiving the news of arrest. I couldn't face returning to work , anyway a year past and he was given his sentence (non custodial) and I thought why am I missing out on what I love doing , I love my family member that just doesn't go away and I new the circumstances of his case , but I wanted my life back for the things that I loved, I haven't committed a crime , loving a relative who has, isn't a crime (legally) I've never committed a crime so I got back into education and i didnt disclose any information becuase legally i didnt have to, this isnt on me. but....i chose to disclose to my boss because i wanted to , she knows the situation, she thanked me for telling her and nothing else came of it and ive been there over a year now . We feel the shame and the guilt, but after all the hurt and everything else that come with it i wanted to regain my life back because it's what I'm good at and it makes me happy
Thank you, its very helpful to hear that someone has had a similar experience, and despite some anxieties, I am looking forward to being back at work. I'm really glad you felt able to go back as well
Hi, this is awful and something I can 100% relate to. Unfortunatly our person's sister and partner both work with children. Each had to inform respective employers. Each wanted to know everything! A mixture of assuming each is a risk due to someone else's very bad decisions in life. I have found this incredibly hard. One lost her job, even stating they were concerned with any publication following sentencing! The other had an intense safeguarding meeting! This will show on DBS checks going forward too so for now it's a fixture.
I hope you get on well x
I hope you get on well x
Lostinthedark, was this information disclosed to employers when it was a legality to disclose disqualification information by association?
Or did your family member disclose to their employers because of other reasons?
Or did your family member disclose to their employers because of other reasons?
Hi,
This was just before Christmas, following a visit from the police once our persons guilty plea was placed in court.
We were informed he could no longer work were there was anyone under 18 and if he did not leave the police would need to inform the employer. We were then informed notification was required by his sister and partner.
My daughter completed this, however his partners school were informed of the entire case by the police following her disclosure to the school.
xx
This was just before Christmas, following a visit from the police once our persons guilty plea was placed in court.
We were informed he could no longer work were there was anyone under 18 and if he did not leave the police would need to inform the employer. We were then informed notification was required by his sister and partner.
My daughter completed this, however his partners school were informed of the entire case by the police following her disclosure to the school.
xx
Lostinthedark, thank you for your info.
I am now petrified of telling my employer as I work in a school. Why did one of your family members get the sack?
I am now petrified of telling my employer as I work in a school. Why did one of your family members get the sack?
My son is the offender. Both my daughter and I are involved in safeguarding as part of our jobs. We both require enhanced DBS which hasn't been affected by my sons sentencing and we have both remained employed without any issues, despite both employers being aware of my sons situation.
My daughter has used the insight and experience she has gained from her brother to warn small groups of students of the risks of online offending and I have used my experience to support people going through similar situations.
My daughter has used the insight and experience she has gained from her brother to warn small groups of students of the risks of online offending and I have used my experience to support people going through similar situations.