Family and Friends Forum

So sorry you've joined this club, Kez. And that his poor grandparents are involved. It depends where you are but statistically only 10% of these crimes are reported on. At this stage, I wouldn't worry about it but if it comes to it a solicitor can advise on making a request for a closed court. It will involve vulnerable people being at risk so his disability and your parents' situation could perhaps persuade the court.

Does the 10% include police social media I'm so scared of this

This is what my OH told me after completing his Safer Lives course. Again, it depends on your local police force and their practices. Where we are they occasionally post on this stuff but only when it results in an immediate custodial and the case itself is quite "juicy". I don't think most of the cases people on this forum report are significant enough for where we are. But we are in a big metropolitan region.

Most of what I've seen around our region is police officers caught with IIOC or convicted of sexual assault! Others have included serious contact crimes and people involved in international exploitation rings. In the latter case usually sentences of over 5 years. I think the police prefer those because when they post results of community orders/suspended sentences the usual Reform voting jobsworths re-tweet it accusing the police and judges of being soft on crime and secret P-words...

So sorry that you are on this journey. This forum is a great source of support. Everyone is accepted as a victim. If you need to talk to someone please contact the helpline. I remember how I felt the first time I rang,just as you are,at the beginning of my journey. They are great listeners. Every situation is different,bu they have lots of experience & knowledge.

Kez - my husband and I are in our 70s and our son lived with us after his arrest but as we now have his children living with us (very complicated and concerning their mother as well as our son, but for totally different reasons with our son's being relevant to this forum) So although this isn't a grandchild I'm guessing we feel very much like your parents and for ages I was so scared of media attention being directed at our address. Our son had to move out so his children could come and live here so now he has his own place but I totally get how scared your parents are and how conflicted they feel about their much loved grandson. Do they have people they trust to talk to? I know they have each other but we found that my husband and I needed people outside of this whirlpol of feelings as we weren't helping each other really (although of course we needed to talk about it too). Also we did the Lucy Faithfull Inform course. We did it face to face with just us and the LFF lovely person as we live quite near one of their HQs so went there. It's free for family and friends and helped us understand this awful situation far more clearly and why our son had lost his moral compass so badly. Would your parents be able to do this too? If not they would find lots of support by phoning the LFF helpline for a chat. Also can I just add that loving their boy (as you do) is the best things he can experience now to help himself as he is probably full of guilt and shame. His offending doesn't define him, all the lovely things about him are still true.

If it would help I am very happy to speak to them privately via this forum, especially your mum. This is such a horrid thing to come crashing into your retirement years. Give them a hug from me please.