Family and Friends Forum

How long can you keep it a secret ?

Notifications OFF

KitKat

Member since
January 2025

2 posts

Posted Wed January 22, 2025 3:46pmReport post

Looking for some advice.

My son (u18) was arrested last week, so my head is still in a daze. His bail conditions mean he can't attend school so we have had to come up with an excuse related to mental health to explain his absence to family and friends. Whilst this will work for a while, I doubt it will hold for however long this takes.

Was curious how others have found this.

marauder91

Member since
November 2024

88 posts

Posted Wed January 22, 2025 6:37pmReport post

For almost 2 years my and my partner only told me parents and his siblings and his dad. Noone else knew, until social services got involved and piled on a huge amount of pressure for us to disclose to everyone close to us (even people who have no children) and that has just been absolutely awful. What I will say though is not having to lie anymore is a huge relief but I'd much rather go back to when noone knew. Everything was simpler then.



It may not be as easy for you with your son being in school, do you have a solicitor if so I would ask them if there's anything they could do about the no school thing that seems really really unfair to me.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2626 posts

Posted Thu January 23, 2025 4:04amReport post

It's extremely hard to lie, especially to people that love and trust you. I have carried that burden for years and it's exhausting.

BUT without that lie my life would be completely different and as a family we would not be virtually rebuilt as we are now.

One day it will come out but I'll face that when it happens.

If you can tell the truth yes, you have no burdens but sometimes a lie can be the only way forward.

Buckets

Member since
October 2023

74 posts

Posted Thu January 23, 2025 9:05amReport post

We were advised to only disclose to those who need to know. I think his school will need to know however, there is a risk the police might inform them anyway.

But generally I have kept it secret for seven now. Friends don't know. Work don't know etc. we had to disclose to family with children but they haven't told the rest of the family.

I do feel if someone asked me out right I would not be able to lie. But no one has twigged.