My son arrest for online sex offenses
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I am absolutely beside myself and scsrdx for the future. I have list a son who I thought wa decent kind caring clever intelligent.
My world came crashing down when I found out what he had done.
Waa on local news. I don't feel safe in my house. Am disabled so can't move easily.
How do I get my life to be normal again?
My partner is in a right state to.
I fear for his future. I'm still grieving but sick at what he has done. I've disowned him. I can't ever see him again.
Still trying to work out what I did wrong.
My world came crashing down when I found out what he had done.
Waa on local news. I don't feel safe in my house. Am disabled so can't move easily.
How do I get my life to be normal again?
My partner is in a right state to.
I fear for his future. I'm still grieving but sick at what he has done. I've disowned him. I can't ever see him again.
Still trying to work out what I did wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong. There are many reasons why people offend in this way. The most common factor in offending is an addiction to pornography which as with any addiction can spiral into areas that aren't fathomable by those not addicted.
I am here because my partner offended but I'd never look at his parents as though they'd done anything wrong in his upbringing. As a parent to young adults I understand that it's hard to take a step back when they make decisions that we don't agree with but it's completely necessary in the process of having children.
There is help available for both you and your partner, the helpline is very good as is the inform course for family and friends of those who have offended. There are many parents on here and the dynamics are different for everyone, some choose to cut contact and others choose to remain in relationship with their child and others do something in the middle. You have to do what feels right for you. Whatever you choose you will find support here and a compassion that only those in this situation have. Sending love and strength xxx
I am here because my partner offended but I'd never look at his parents as though they'd done anything wrong in his upbringing. As a parent to young adults I understand that it's hard to take a step back when they make decisions that we don't agree with but it's completely necessary in the process of having children.
There is help available for both you and your partner, the helpline is very good as is the inform course for family and friends of those who have offended. There are many parents on here and the dynamics are different for everyone, some choose to cut contact and others choose to remain in relationship with their child and others do something in the middle. You have to do what feels right for you. Whatever you choose you will find support here and a compassion that only those in this situation have. Sending love and strength xxx
He may need you now more than ever :-(
Hi Sleepyhead, I'm so sorry you've found yourself here, but well done on reaching out for support. I'm a mum too and also here because of my son and the first thing I want to say is that your sons behaviour is not a reflection on anything you have or haven't done. The second thing I want to say is that your sons wrongful behaviour doesn't define who he is.
There are usually a combination of identifiable reasons why our people commit the crimes they do with many of them feeling deeply ashamed and desperate to break away from what led them to do what they did in the first place.
The important thing is that our people learn to recognise why and how they have found themselves offending in the way they have so that they can develop healthy behaviour and better decision making in the future.
As difficult as it might be, I believe an openness to the hope that our people can and will change is important in helping, supporting and walking alongside them during their recovery and transformation.
You are going through a trauma and need to take care of yourself. If you haven't already done so, you might want to consider contacting the stop it now help line and your GP for support. Life will never be what it was but in time it will get easier.
There are usually a combination of identifiable reasons why our people commit the crimes they do with many of them feeling deeply ashamed and desperate to break away from what led them to do what they did in the first place.
The important thing is that our people learn to recognise why and how they have found themselves offending in the way they have so that they can develop healthy behaviour and better decision making in the future.
As difficult as it might be, I believe an openness to the hope that our people can and will change is important in helping, supporting and walking alongside them during their recovery and transformation.
You are going through a trauma and need to take care of yourself. If you haven't already done so, you might want to consider contacting the stop it now help line and your GP for support. Life will never be what it was but in time it will get easier.
Morning Sleepyhead72 - I too understand your thoughts completely. This situation hits us out the blue, it's such a shock and your world is rocked, big time. None of us on here condone this crime or forget the victims, never.
As a parent I think you need answers/reasons, and of course question your parenting At the time my son was caught - our home was unhappy, so had thoughts of this being a reason as to his downfall. Did we drive him to it?
But it's not abnormal for a family to go though troubles and I know throughout my life my children have come first and will do til the day I die......it's not our fault as parents, my son made his devastating choices, not me. You are not to blame.
As Ocean says this path doesn't define your son as a person. I find hate can be a very destructive and exhausting emotion and as time goes by your emotions change and I really hope you find balance - and I'm sure you will.
big hugs sent x
As a parent I think you need answers/reasons, and of course question your parenting At the time my son was caught - our home was unhappy, so had thoughts of this being a reason as to his downfall. Did we drive him to it?
But it's not abnormal for a family to go though troubles and I know throughout my life my children have come first and will do til the day I die......it's not our fault as parents, my son made his devastating choices, not me. You are not to blame.
As Ocean says this path doesn't define your son as a person. I find hate can be a very destructive and exhausting emotion and as time goes by your emotions change and I really hope you find balance - and I'm sure you will.
big hugs sent x
Hi Sleepyhead - I feel so sorry for you and understand your feelings totally. I'm another mum on here - my son is in his 40s with a family of his own so maybe different from you but nevertheless he's my son. You have received good advice so far from some other mums but I just want to reinforce what everyone has said and send you a hug. This is an awful time for you and whatever your feelngs are at the moment, they are valid but could change as this shock wears off. We don't know exactly what your son is being investigated for apart from it being online, perhaps you don't know the full story yet and it's important to look after your own mental health so I hope you have people to confide in who you trust. If you want to be more disclosing about the details but don't want to put it on this forum then do ring the helpline and offload there, or I'm sure any of us would be happy to converse with you on here via private messaging.
This is a very complicated issue. Depending on what he was sentenced for, doesn't necessarily make him a predator. It is a part of him, not ALL of him. Around 50/60% of partners stay within the relationship. You can support your son at the same time as being angry/upset/hurt. My person was my husband. We'd been together for 30 years, married for 17, 4 children. He started having sexual feelings towards children from the age of 12/13, so he know throughout our relationship and marriage. He went to prison for his crimes and then reoffended and is about to be sentenced again. We divorced fairly early on but I supported him, still do. It's been extremely hard but I couldn't simply just walk away. Your son probably needs you more than he ever has before.