Waiting is awful
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We are only 6 weeks on from the knock but it is awful not knowing!
My son is struggling and I don't know how to help. The police officer said photos were indicative, but there is communication as he asked for photos, in addition he admitted it all in his first interview.
What does indicative mean? Can he still face serious charges and prison? Some advice says yes he can or a suspended sentence and yet the police officer felt prison was unlikely.
Thanks
My son is struggling and I don't know how to help. The police officer said photos were indicative, but there is communication as he asked for photos, in addition he admitted it all in his first interview.
What does indicative mean? Can he still face serious charges and prison? Some advice says yes he can or a suspended sentence and yet the police officer felt prison was unlikely.
Thanks
Wanderer41, I know the waiting is torture but until you know what the charges are, it's really difficult to say. There are so many elements that go into it such as his age, the ages of the people he was asking for photos from and the categories of the photos, A, B, and C and whether he shared any. If you need to, phone the helpline. They are non judgemental and very knowledgeable.
I totally understand how you're feeling and that awful hopelessness in this void of uncertainty - trying to make sense of something impossible to understand about someone you love and having random words thrown at you that may be true or may be just said as an off the cuff reply.
We are 2 years to this very day (YAY! Celebrations NOT!) from our adult son's arrest and at first I nearly went under mentally becuase of all these unknowns. I know every case is different but things are unravelling for us towards an outcome, but no thanks to the police and the OIC. You may have good'uns but firstly do not trust anything they tell you as all they need is a conviction. They love people admitting everything in a first interview when they are scared and traumatised. Our son did, as he was told it would make everything proceed swiftly so he could get back to his life and his children. HA! First big lie.
Over the past 2 years we have learnt that most likely our son has told us the whole truth from Day 1 (despite a few attempts by the police to stir things up with insinuations etc), we are now thousands of pounds into our savings due to solicitor bills with more to come, but our son is still a loving father and has worked hard at his mitigating circumstances - something that before this I felt would make him crumble. Only he can say how much guilt he feels about what he's done (he rarely discusses feelings with us) but his actions speak loudly and we are resolute in standing by him. This has come after 2 years of wavering and wobbling and looking at how much we could stand by him if.....(insert a worst case scenario here) plus of course whether as his parents we were to blame at all. The LFF Inform course helped us hugely with this plus our son did their offenders parallel course plus he is having therapy - both have helped him immensely and he has never shied away from any appointments with his therapist which must be hard for someone like him as he hates talking about personal stuff, always has.
What I'm trying to say is that clutching at straws is what you need right now, but clutch at those which are rooted in wanting to help you cope and live with the uncertainty rather than give a quick fix to appease you from asking anything else (ie the police) Your OIC has no idea what the outcome will be - they just gather the evidence and off it goes to the CPS and if they agree there's a case to answer there will be charges and then it will be up to the magistrate/judge to do whatever they personally think is the right outcome using the sentencing guidelines and also their own views/prejudices. Sadly we have no power in this apart from loving and being there for our sons - but love is much stonger than any legal system so whatever the outcome we can be overcomers eventually. Hard to get your head round when you are so raw and terrified but I promise it's the truth! Hugs.
We are 2 years to this very day (YAY! Celebrations NOT!) from our adult son's arrest and at first I nearly went under mentally becuase of all these unknowns. I know every case is different but things are unravelling for us towards an outcome, but no thanks to the police and the OIC. You may have good'uns but firstly do not trust anything they tell you as all they need is a conviction. They love people admitting everything in a first interview when they are scared and traumatised. Our son did, as he was told it would make everything proceed swiftly so he could get back to his life and his children. HA! First big lie.
Over the past 2 years we have learnt that most likely our son has told us the whole truth from Day 1 (despite a few attempts by the police to stir things up with insinuations etc), we are now thousands of pounds into our savings due to solicitor bills with more to come, but our son is still a loving father and has worked hard at his mitigating circumstances - something that before this I felt would make him crumble. Only he can say how much guilt he feels about what he's done (he rarely discusses feelings with us) but his actions speak loudly and we are resolute in standing by him. This has come after 2 years of wavering and wobbling and looking at how much we could stand by him if.....(insert a worst case scenario here) plus of course whether as his parents we were to blame at all. The LFF Inform course helped us hugely with this plus our son did their offenders parallel course plus he is having therapy - both have helped him immensely and he has never shied away from any appointments with his therapist which must be hard for someone like him as he hates talking about personal stuff, always has.
What I'm trying to say is that clutching at straws is what you need right now, but clutch at those which are rooted in wanting to help you cope and live with the uncertainty rather than give a quick fix to appease you from asking anything else (ie the police) Your OIC has no idea what the outcome will be - they just gather the evidence and off it goes to the CPS and if they agree there's a case to answer there will be charges and then it will be up to the magistrate/judge to do whatever they personally think is the right outcome using the sentencing guidelines and also their own views/prejudices. Sadly we have no power in this apart from loving and being there for our sons - but love is much stonger than any legal system so whatever the outcome we can be overcomers eventually. Hard to get your head round when you are so raw and terrified but I promise it's the truth! Hugs.
Wanderer the waiting is awful, I am also here because of my son and know only too well the helplessness, dread, sadness and anxiety you'll be feeling.
If your son hasn't already done so i recommend supporting him to reach out to the helpline and also his GP.
In time you son might want to consider the stop it now courses. My son did the engage plus course and at the end of the first session it was as if the lights had gone back on in his eyes. He realised he wasn't alone in what he'd done.
In addition to the course he also had therapy to help him understand what had led to his offending and why he'd made the bad decisions he made. His self esteem and confidence were rock bottom so the therapist also helped him work on these areas.
As much as i hated what my son did I made sure he knew that my love for him is unconditional and that I'd be there to support him each step of the way.
We are now 16 months post sentencing and life certainly feels better so keep reassuring your son that he can get through this and that you're there walking this nightmare of a journey with him.
Sending you both love and strength and a big virtual hug.
If your son hasn't already done so i recommend supporting him to reach out to the helpline and also his GP.
In time you son might want to consider the stop it now courses. My son did the engage plus course and at the end of the first session it was as if the lights had gone back on in his eyes. He realised he wasn't alone in what he'd done.
In addition to the course he also had therapy to help him understand what had led to his offending and why he'd made the bad decisions he made. His self esteem and confidence were rock bottom so the therapist also helped him work on these areas.
As much as i hated what my son did I made sure he knew that my love for him is unconditional and that I'd be there to support him each step of the way.
We are now 16 months post sentencing and life certainly feels better so keep reassuring your son that he can get through this and that you're there walking this nightmare of a journey with him.
Sending you both love and strength and a big virtual hug.