Late night rambling..
Notifications OFF
I have a few posts on here explaining my situation but for those that haven't red- partner is currently not allowed home, I'm not allowed to supervise any contact and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. After pressure from social services we told wider family who haven't taken it so well. My partner is currently living 2 hours away so where I am now I am completely alone other than my parents and a couple of friends. My mum was supervising contact between my partner and children but since family found out they made her pick between supervising contact or seeing their children and rightly so she picked them (I do not blame her for this) social services were supposed to be talking to my sister in law and my mother In law to see if they would be suitable to supervise contact but still haven't done so and are finding every excuse to keep putting it off, partner hasn't seen the children now in over a month. My problem tonight is I am 30 weeks pregnant, having a planned csection. My partner Is allowed at the birth but then will have to leave the hospital. Then of course he isn't allowed home so I will be having to come home by myself, with a new born, a one year old, a 7 year old and a 9 year old. My mum has asked me to go stay with her but I don't want my brothers who have all Said some horrid things about not only my partner but me too, I don't want them having anything to do with my children let alone coming to meet the baby which I know they will (I am fully aware tha6 sounds petty, but this is for people who said I should abort this baby, I shouldn't be allowed to be a mother and have stated on multiple occasions they would like social services to take my children) so I stand firmly there, they have no right to meet my baby and I will not be allowing it bur obviously if I was to stay at my parents I won't be the one to put them in the position where they're sending their children away. My question is. If i was to go stay with my partners family for a couple of weeks, until I am more able to cope with the two babies more than anything. Does anyone know how social services will take that? They obviously live in a different borough to me so will that effect anything? I am planning to discuss with my new social worker when I meet her whenever that is. I think I'm just terrified of doing that first few weeks alone and in pain and not having a plan is weighing heavy on my brain right now.
Hi,
Firstly that sounds like such a difficult positiont to be in, you're doing amazing to be considering your options and taking control of the situation.
Would it be possible for your mum to come and stay at your house with you?
I wasn't going through this awful situation when I had my last baby but did have a newborn, 1 year old, 6 year old and 7 year old and it was the pandemic ???? and I would just say as a mum, forget all the other stuff there is absolutely alot to be said for being in your own home, with your own stuff and your kids having all their toys, routine etc. when your postpartum.
I totally agree about controlling the narrative around your kids by restricting people who are a risk to their mental wellbeing. But just wondering if you can maximise your comfort being at home, not have to battle SS about staying with partners family and not be hours away from what you know. Xx
Firstly that sounds like such a difficult positiont to be in, you're doing amazing to be considering your options and taking control of the situation.
Would it be possible for your mum to come and stay at your house with you?
I wasn't going through this awful situation when I had my last baby but did have a newborn, 1 year old, 6 year old and 7 year old and it was the pandemic ???? and I would just say as a mum, forget all the other stuff there is absolutely alot to be said for being in your own home, with your own stuff and your kids having all their toys, routine etc. when your postpartum.
I totally agree about controlling the narrative around your kids by restricting people who are a risk to their mental wellbeing. But just wondering if you can maximise your comfort being at home, not have to battle SS about staying with partners family and not be hours away from what you know. Xx
it's utterly heartbreaking, it should be the happiest time.
I'd penned a lengthy reply through my tears but I'm refusing to torture myself any futher.
38 weeks pregnant, 5 weeks post knock, not a single plan going forward and OH currently can have no contact at all.
I'm grateful that I have the possibility of an uncomplicated birth but if I'm honest I don't want to do any of it.
sending strength to you xx
I'd penned a lengthy reply through my tears but I'm refusing to torture myself any futher.
38 weeks pregnant, 5 weeks post knock, not a single plan going forward and OH currently can have no contact at all.
I'm grateful that I have the possibility of an uncomplicated birth but if I'm honest I don't want to do any of it.
sending strength to you xx
Thankyou, I'm just trying to think of ways to protect my mental health in a time i already know I'm going to struggle and if that means avoiding people then that's what I'll do.
My mum coming to my house isn't an option, we'd just argue because she doesn't like my house and I have different rules for my kids in my house that she doesn't agree with and that would just be alot more stress if I'm going to be honest. I'm going to talk to my social worker and see what options I have. Possibly do the first week with partners family and then after that week I'll be more mobile so will be able to stay home and just rely on my mum to take the older children to school and pick them up.
Everything just seems to hard and it's breaking my heart, I just need to have a plan. When I have a plan I think I'll feel better. I just hate the unknown.
My mum coming to my house isn't an option, we'd just argue because she doesn't like my house and I have different rules for my kids in my house that she doesn't agree with and that would just be alot more stress if I'm going to be honest. I'm going to talk to my social worker and see what options I have. Possibly do the first week with partners family and then after that week I'll be more mobile so will be able to stay home and just rely on my mum to take the older children to school and pick them up.
Everything just seems to hard and it's breaking my heart, I just need to have a plan. When I have a plan I think I'll feel better. I just hate the unknown.
Hi I saw you post I am soo sorry to hear what is happening have you not seen the new social woker yet I also gess they haven't done risk assessment yet they take they sweet time and don't understand how it makes us feel on edge and it's very hard when you don't have family support at all .
No I haven't heard anything from her. My old social worker phoned and said she wasn't leaving until the end of the month now but I haven't even seen her. The day she was supposed to come out me and little one had a sickness bug so i cancelled.
Social services arensaying the risk assessment is up to probation, and probation is saying the risk assessment is down too social services. We're very much stuck at the moment. I'm just not sure how much longer I have this in me
Social services arensaying the risk assessment is up to probation, and probation is saying the risk assessment is down too social services. We're very much stuck at the moment. I'm just not sure how much longer I have this in me
could you ask your midwife to refer you to mental the mental health services, I've done that and have my first appointment for an assesment Thursday. I'm so worried about how ill cope mentally once baby is born, I have good days now but a lot of bad days.
currently ss have refused to do any assesment for us too. telling me first of all the police would have to deal with it but then saying they may be able to have a plan for supervision with kne of my family memebers, theyve since gone no contact. I was originally told by my midwife I would be referred to a safeguarding midwife and that they may be able to plan for dad to be at the birth but that's also never happened.
Its really like the professionals expect us to just be able to switch off any feelings we have, regardless of what a sensitive time in life it is. For me the prospect of the police finding nothing on his devices and him missing the first year of his child's life is horrifying. He was arrested not because of Internet reporting but because of another investigation involving a lady he had contact with(yes he was unfaithful) I don't know if its claims she sent to him or vice versa, wether she was under invetigation first or she has made a complaint about him, all I know is she is named in his bail conditions not to contact.
If you can't have a plan going forward hopefully you can have the very best support for your mental health. That's the only plan I can manage right now x
currently ss have refused to do any assesment for us too. telling me first of all the police would have to deal with it but then saying they may be able to have a plan for supervision with kne of my family memebers, theyve since gone no contact. I was originally told by my midwife I would be referred to a safeguarding midwife and that they may be able to plan for dad to be at the birth but that's also never happened.
Its really like the professionals expect us to just be able to switch off any feelings we have, regardless of what a sensitive time in life it is. For me the prospect of the police finding nothing on his devices and him missing the first year of his child's life is horrifying. He was arrested not because of Internet reporting but because of another investigation involving a lady he had contact with(yes he was unfaithful) I don't know if its claims she sent to him or vice versa, wether she was under invetigation first or she has made a complaint about him, all I know is she is named in his bail conditions not to contact.
If you can't have a plan going forward hopefully you can have the very best support for your mental health. That's the only plan I can manage right now x