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This feels never ending

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Spookyworriedly

Member since
January 2025

2 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 10:00amReport post

Hi everyone

It's been 4 months since the police turned up and raided our house and I found out my other half had sent inappropriate messages to an underage decoy. He was charged with one count. This turned my whole world upside down. We're working through it and weirdly it's made us stronger somehow.

We have a good solicitor who has told us not to worry too much as footage from our indoor security cameras shows that the police didn't caution us before searching the house - which apparently they legally have to do. We're paying a lot of money for his services but it feels like the waiting around will never end, you know?

It sounds dramatic but I have PTSD from the day they turned up and I'm considering therapy. My other half has been in therapy since this happened and is doing an online course with a group at the same time so he's working really hard on himself.



Does anyone have a similar experience of a decoy situation? We're in Scotland so I know things are a bit different compared to England. Any words of advice or wisdom would be great.



L

lostinthewoods

Member since
September 2024

95 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 11:26amReport post

Hi Spooky

Sorry that you have found yourself here.

Similar situation here although not sure if it's a decoy or not as we've not been told. Still waiting for charges while forensics and report are completed. 5 months in.

Like you this awful situation seems to have brought us closer together. He is doing it Safer Lives course and I'm due to start the Inform one. I thought we had the perfect marriage - he felt things were missing. He was also under extreme pressure at work and suffering from depression and anxiety but hiding it from me.

Stay strong xxx

LosingIt

Member since
September 2024

215 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 2:56pmReport post

Hi Spooky,

Glad to hear your OH is working really hard on himself and he's got good representation. I wasn't aware of that about a caution. My OH was read his rights at the station before the interview but not at the house when his phone was seized and he was arrested. Would that make it an unlawful arrest?

26a20

Member since
December 2024

60 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 3:09pmReport post

I believe as part of the process of arresting someone the following has to happen at the time they are placed under arrest.

Inform the person that they are now under arrest.

Inform the person what offence they have committed or are suspected of committing

Inform the person why arrest is necessary I.e prompt and effective investigation

Read the police caution

"You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be used in evidence"

Every arrest I've witnessed whilst working alongside the police has followed this process.

LosingIt

Member since
September 2024

215 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 3:32pmReport post

I'm fairly certain I never heard the last part (I.e the caution actually read out). And he handed over his mobile pin to the arresting officer. The full caution was only read in full later at the interview.

I wonder if they'd share the bodycam footage.

Edited Tue January 28, 2025 3:33pm

Katie28

Member since
December 2021

190 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 3:35pmReport post

Hi Spooky,

Im not sure your solicitor has given you the correct information here regarding a caution before searching the property..

The police only have to caution if they are going to use anything that is said in the house as evidence in court, they do not have to caution as they would already be in possession of a warrant that is signed off by a magistrate. The caution only applies if they want to use anything that is said at the time of the search so whatever is said even claiming that nothing can be found or saying "I am guilty" cannot be used as evidence however, if an arrest takes place they do have to give a reason for the arrest and why it is necessary to arrest but again they do not have to caution unless they wish to use any reply as evidence. It is not a legal requirement to caution for every occasion, a lot of police use the caution but they are not legally obliged to do so.
Hope this makes sense in case anyone else feels they should have been cautioned.
Katie xx

lostinthewoods

Member since
September 2024

95 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 3:35pmReport post

For me it's a bit of a blur - he was arrested in the house - the officer said what for and gave the dates of the alleged crime (for some reason the dates have stuck in my mind) and I'm pretty sure he was read his rights before they collected his medication and took him away. X

LittleRobin3

Member since
April 2024

480 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 4:11pmReport post

Hi, I experienced the first knock 7 years ago. I have a formal diagnosis of PTSD due to this. My son and I both suffer terribly from PTSD.

Spookyworriedly

Member since
January 2025

2 posts

Posted Tue January 28, 2025 6:18pmReport post

Thanks everyone for the replies.



In terms of the whole caution situation, I think our solicitor just meant that it just makes the police look bad for not cautioning us before taking our phones etc. My other half WAS cautioned before they took him down to the police station that day. But we've given all of our footage from all of our cameras to our solicitor just in case as they turned off our two indoor cameras without telling us which I'm not sure is even allowed.



I think I just constantly feel like there's a storm chasing after us but we just don't know when it'll hit, even though everyone is telling us to not think about it. Easier said than done!

Lost in the dark

Member since
November 2024

31 posts

Posted Wed January 29, 2025 9:37pmReport post

Hi, I can say they made some errors along the way but the right outcome is driven by the concern raised and this is, while hard to accept not going away.

My son, who has dyslexia and mental health issues, was not offered an appropriate adult during interviews. With his solicitor. The evidence report put forward by the police was not signed and dated and raised in court!

Unfortunatly errors don't appear uncommon.



Good luck x

LosingIt

Member since
September 2024

215 posts

Posted Tue February 4, 2025 8:52amReport post

Raised this with OH's solicitor and he told us that the UK courts aren't as fussed about procedural errors as the American ones. So unless an admission was made or evidence divulged before the reading of the caution it doesn't really matter. He also said in the absence of video proof, the police would claim they had cautioned.

Sad Lady

Member since
August 2024

11 posts

Posted Sun February 9, 2025 8:53pmReport post

Dear spookyworriedly.

It seems your guy is making the right moves to keep your relationship together.

I'm frustrated by the lethargic behaviour of mine. Could you please share the details of the group course he is doing?

Thank you.