My world is crumbling
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My partner has finally come clean tonight and admitted everything to me. I feel sick writing this but I really need to write my thoughts down and see if anyone has any advice for how I possibly move forward?
Quick summary - we got the knock in November 2024 and my partner was arrested for 7x IIOC. He has been adamant that he didn't know how the images got there and that he must have downloaded them by mistake and he has stuck to that story until tonight. He broke down this evening and confessed everything to me, saying he couldn't live with himself for what he has done.
He admitted that in February 2024 he went on a sex forum and through talking to someone, purchased a download of images that he knew were IIOC. The next week, he bought a second download file. He thinks there were hundreds of images in the files. He says that he can't explain why he did it other than a sick, twisted curiosity. He says that he is definitely not attracted to children and I think I believe him about that to some extent. I think he was looking for more and more of a thrill from porn, or that is what he has tried to explain tonight.
At the time, I had recently lost my mum to cancer and tbh we weren't really being intimate together for a couple of months. His mum had also completed suicide 3 weeks before my mum died and I know he was really struggling with his mental health at that time - we both were. He had also been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a couple of years before - life has been really hard for us both the last few years. I'm honestly not making excuses for him because what he has done disgusts me but I am just trying to give an honest overview of things.
He says that once he looked at a few of the images, he realised he didn't like it and so never downloaded any again. He said it happened over a 2 week period where 'he lost his mind' and says he has felt sick and disgusted with himself ever since. He said he had been looking at pornography excessively and one thing lead to another and before he knew it, he had crossed a horrible line and made a mistake he couldnt take back. I can see the genuine shame he feels, he looked a broken man telling me tonight.
I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am obviously horrified by what he has done but I'm also devastated by the lies and betrayal of my trust. I am a complete idiot for believing him and sticking by him even though I knew there was a niggling feeling in my gut.
I am sorry to write such a long message, more of a rant tbh. I am just so confused and broken and have no idea how I move forward? He has told me he understands if I can't forgive him and has offered to move out if that's what I want although is obviously saying that he wants to stay and work through things. He is sleeping on the couch tonight. Please, any advise would be very welcome.
Quick summary - we got the knock in November 2024 and my partner was arrested for 7x IIOC. He has been adamant that he didn't know how the images got there and that he must have downloaded them by mistake and he has stuck to that story until tonight. He broke down this evening and confessed everything to me, saying he couldn't live with himself for what he has done.
He admitted that in February 2024 he went on a sex forum and through talking to someone, purchased a download of images that he knew were IIOC. The next week, he bought a second download file. He thinks there were hundreds of images in the files. He says that he can't explain why he did it other than a sick, twisted curiosity. He says that he is definitely not attracted to children and I think I believe him about that to some extent. I think he was looking for more and more of a thrill from porn, or that is what he has tried to explain tonight.
At the time, I had recently lost my mum to cancer and tbh we weren't really being intimate together for a couple of months. His mum had also completed suicide 3 weeks before my mum died and I know he was really struggling with his mental health at that time - we both were. He had also been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a couple of years before - life has been really hard for us both the last few years. I'm honestly not making excuses for him because what he has done disgusts me but I am just trying to give an honest overview of things.
He says that once he looked at a few of the images, he realised he didn't like it and so never downloaded any again. He said it happened over a 2 week period where 'he lost his mind' and says he has felt sick and disgusted with himself ever since. He said he had been looking at pornography excessively and one thing lead to another and before he knew it, he had crossed a horrible line and made a mistake he couldnt take back. I can see the genuine shame he feels, he looked a broken man telling me tonight.
I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am obviously horrified by what he has done but I'm also devastated by the lies and betrayal of my trust. I am a complete idiot for believing him and sticking by him even though I knew there was a niggling feeling in my gut.
I am sorry to write such a long message, more of a rant tbh. I am just so confused and broken and have no idea how I move forward? He has told me he understands if I can't forgive him and has offered to move out if that's what I want although is obviously saying that he wants to stay and work through things. He is sleeping on the couch tonight. Please, any advise would be very welcome.
Don't rush to make any decisions. Took me 10 long months to decide what I wanted.
My person I now believe had a porn addiction but he claims the iioc were accidental. Do I believe him? I'm not so sure. Other stuff came out and I realised I no longer trusted him.
I don't think I ever got the full truth so I'm glad your person has been open with you.
My person I now believe had a porn addiction but he claims the iioc were accidental. Do I believe him? I'm not so sure. Other stuff came out and I realised I no longer trusted him.
I don't think I ever got the full truth so I'm glad your person has been open with you.
Hi EmLou
This is such hard news for you to hear, very similar to my situation but my OH admitted to everything as soon as he walked in the door from the police station. It's so hard to hear but hopefully you have the full picture. Like others will say, take your time, don't rush into any decisions.
My OH had mental health issues, plus he had lost both his parents close together, however he is now a couple of months post sentence and his mental health is in a better place, he's worked with a therapist. My mental health is not so good but some days are bad and some days are good. But there is a light at the end of this god awful journey.
Stay strong, take care x
This is such hard news for you to hear, very similar to my situation but my OH admitted to everything as soon as he walked in the door from the police station. It's so hard to hear but hopefully you have the full picture. Like others will say, take your time, don't rush into any decisions.
My OH had mental health issues, plus he had lost both his parents close together, however he is now a couple of months post sentence and his mental health is in a better place, he's worked with a therapist. My mental health is not so good but some days are bad and some days are good. But there is a light at the end of this god awful journey.
Stay strong, take care x