I failed my son
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My son was sentenced last month and I'm still coming to terms with the whole situation.
This all started from an email, I received one saying that my son was downloading this material and he didn't respond to them, they threatened to tell the police if I didn't contact them. I ignored it because I thought I knew my son, this was a scam email I told myself.
My son was arrested early last year and they recovered the material on his PC, my world shattered, I couldn't believe it.
Months of trying to come to terms with this information and then last month I receive another email from the same people containing proof that they do help people to delete this information. I wanted to top myself when I read that, I sent my son to prison because I ignored an email but then I try to rationalise that no, maybe my son should be there and I hate myself for thinking this way.
I just don't understand how this can all have happened over an email, the world is alien to me at the moment, I don't understand how these things work.
This all started from an email, I received one saying that my son was downloading this material and he didn't respond to them, they threatened to tell the police if I didn't contact them. I ignored it because I thought I knew my son, this was a scam email I told myself.
My son was arrested early last year and they recovered the material on his PC, my world shattered, I couldn't believe it.
Months of trying to come to terms with this information and then last month I receive another email from the same people containing proof that they do help people to delete this information. I wanted to top myself when I read that, I sent my son to prison because I ignored an email but then I try to rationalise that no, maybe my son should be there and I hate myself for thinking this way.
I just don't understand how this can all have happened over an email, the world is alien to me at the moment, I don't understand how these things work.
Oh Sarana, I've just read your post and my heart really goes out to you. I'm here because of my son too so whilst our cases are different I understand your conflicting emotions and thoughts. I too hate what my son did but still love him unconditionally and have supported him each step of the way through his journey.
I have not come across anyone receiving emails like you've received before but it sounds very wrong and I suggest should be shared with the police. If you son was downloading IIOC, hiding and deleting the evidence would not only have been illegal but would have caused more pain and suffering in the long term.
Please don't suffer in silence, there are people who can help you. You'll find lots of support from the wonderful people on this forum and if you haven't already done so you might want to consider contacting the stop it now help line and your GP for additional support.
I have not come across anyone receiving emails like you've received before but it sounds very wrong and I suggest should be shared with the police. If you son was downloading IIOC, hiding and deleting the evidence would not only have been illegal but would have caused more pain and suffering in the long term.
Please don't suffer in silence, there are people who can help you. You'll find lots of support from the wonderful people on this forum and if you haven't already done so you might want to consider contacting the stop it now help line and your GP for additional support.
Sarana
I know it's hard but please report them to the relevant people. Action fraud, the IWF, the police, the whole lot.
you haven't done anything wrong. They're preying on your motherly instincts. Any logical person would assume an unknown unexpected email like that would be a scam. It might still be....but an unfortunate coincidence. It's not your fault.
The same people offering to delete the information could be blackmailing other peoples sons, there were news articles about teens tricked into sharing their own photos which they were then blackmailed about, some of the kids comitted suicide.
They could be the same people creating the content and encouraging others to share it so they can make their money. By even having access to it and knowing about the data and not reporting.....they are not good people. Therefore they do need reporting as it's likely they have also broken the law. Any decent person who knows this exists and knows how to get rid of it, should be scouring the internet deleting it on behalf of the poor children in the images. Not using their awareness and tech skills as a hussle to make money.
I know it's hard but please report them to the relevant people. Action fraud, the IWF, the police, the whole lot.
you haven't done anything wrong. They're preying on your motherly instincts. Any logical person would assume an unknown unexpected email like that would be a scam. It might still be....but an unfortunate coincidence. It's not your fault.
The same people offering to delete the information could be blackmailing other peoples sons, there were news articles about teens tricked into sharing their own photos which they were then blackmailed about, some of the kids comitted suicide.
They could be the same people creating the content and encouraging others to share it so they can make their money. By even having access to it and knowing about the data and not reporting.....they are not good people. Therefore they do need reporting as it's likely they have also broken the law. Any decent person who knows this exists and knows how to get rid of it, should be scouring the internet deleting it on behalf of the poor children in the images. Not using their awareness and tech skills as a hussle to make money.
As others have said, that's likely a scam that if you'd fallen for, would have made things worse. I strongly believe you absolutely made the right call. So please don't beat yourself up about it. As for everything else, my heart aches for you and all of us here. It's a horrible path to tread. But here we are. Supporting each other through the nightmare. You're not alone, and it wasn't your fault x x
Thank you all.
It's difficult because in the back of my mind is that constant "what if", you know? Should I have taken the chance?
I try to tell myself it was the right choice but it's hard, I had no idea my son even was like that, it's still hard to believe that the little boy I held in my arms turned out like this.
He was a perfect student at school, straight a's almost, he was doing well at uni and then this.
It's difficult because in the back of my mind is that constant "what if", you know? Should I have taken the chance?
I try to tell myself it was the right choice but it's hard, I had no idea my son even was like that, it's still hard to believe that the little boy I held in my arms turned out like this.
He was a perfect student at school, straight a's almost, he was doing well at uni and then this.
Sarana x
I am so sorry you have found yourself here x
You havent done anything wrong,
Please keep reaching out on here for help and support I would also recommend you call the LFF helpline x
Huge hugs sent xx
I am so sorry you have found yourself here x
You havent done anything wrong,
Please keep reaching out on here for help and support I would also recommend you call the LFF helpline x
Huge hugs sent xx
Oh no no no sarana - do not think you've failed your son. I'd have done much the same, there's so many scams and dodgy e mails these days floating around - it's hard to decipher what's true & what's a scam - I delete, delete, delete anything I dont understand.
Hindsight affects us all, 'could' we have done this - 'should' we have done that, regrets and guilt...... it consumes us all but with time you have to let go and do your best with where you are right now.
Again you have failed no one xxxxx
Hindsight affects us all, 'could' we have done this - 'should' we have done that, regrets and guilt...... it consumes us all but with time you have to let go and do your best with where you are right now.
Again you have failed no one xxxxx
Please don't ever feel like you've failed your son - I know this is easier said than done, but in my eyes (and I appreciate others might not agree) but our people are being let down by a society that doesn't understand why these offences occur in the first place and appreciate there's a huge difference between online and contact offebnding. If they did I guarantee we would be responding in a different way, that would not only prevent more victim abuse, focus better efforts/time/money on the actual issues and support individuals who are being criminalised - when research shows that these offences can be avoided for many if they receive the right support. Prevention should be the key but how do we tackle this properly without informed discussions - and without the media and politicians representing the other side of the story fairly??
Let down by governments who aren't tackling the online industry and targetting those who actively create and distribute the material. Our people I feel are often low hanging fruit for the police, used for political gain and to demonstrate 'effectiveness' and stats on the war on child abuse.
I feel completely let down by a world that doesn't understand and seemingly doesn't want to. It's easier to label and throw away the key! This problem is only going to get worse, we'll see more and more people arriving to this forum seeking the same answers and experiencing the same traumas - over and over and over again - how many more tens of thousands, probably more when we think about the wider fall out - that to me is an unseen crime in itself that society doesn't see/want to see.
xx
Let down by governments who aren't tackling the online industry and targetting those who actively create and distribute the material. Our people I feel are often low hanging fruit for the police, used for political gain and to demonstrate 'effectiveness' and stats on the war on child abuse.
I feel completely let down by a world that doesn't understand and seemingly doesn't want to. It's easier to label and throw away the key! This problem is only going to get worse, we'll see more and more people arriving to this forum seeking the same answers and experiencing the same traumas - over and over and over again - how many more tens of thousands, probably more when we think about the wider fall out - that to me is an unseen crime in itself that society doesn't see/want to see.
xx
Sarana, you really have not let your son down, not one bit.
if you had responded to that email you could be on here asking for help for yourself, a lady was sent to prison a few weeks ago for perverting the course of justice for hiding evidence to protect her son.
He needs you, you can't be there for him if you're in prison yourself.
it's easy to beat yourself up, but you have done the right thing xx
Eye of the Storm -
spot on! That's exactly how I feel. I have gone on and on about how I feel let down by society, it's true. I think, in years to come, things might be different, there might be a way out of the rabbit hole they fall into without being so severely criminalised. At the moment it's a one shoe fits all, and the whole family is thrown to the pitchfork brigade to face the consequences.
if you had responded to that email you could be on here asking for help for yourself, a lady was sent to prison a few weeks ago for perverting the course of justice for hiding evidence to protect her son.
He needs you, you can't be there for him if you're in prison yourself.
it's easy to beat yourself up, but you have done the right thing xx
Eye of the Storm -
spot on! That's exactly how I feel. I have gone on and on about how I feel let down by society, it's true. I think, in years to come, things might be different, there might be a way out of the rabbit hole they fall into without being so severely criminalised. At the moment it's a one shoe fits all, and the whole family is thrown to the pitchfork brigade to face the consequences.
This is so right I feel like if my husband receives charges our life is over but he would never in a million years harm a child.
I have been thinking if he gets charges I will end it all. I cannot live with the stigma and people thinking I'm a bad person.
I have been thinking if he gets charges I will end it all. I cannot live with the stigma and people thinking I'm a bad person.