Grandad/Dad advice.
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I have read through a lot of these posts trying to find something similar to what I'm going through. My father has been convicted of iioc cat a-c which he "systematically searched for" according to the prosecution during sentencing. He was sentenced to 8 months suspended for 12 months, SOR for 10 years and SHPO. He has always categorically denied he has intentionally searched and says this is not included in his conviction. He said at the start it was pop ups and told us not to worry all would be fine. He was convicted of possessing the images not searching for them. I personally feel he is in denial and he simply wants this to go away. I have children and we are usually a very close family yet I am disgusted and hurt by his actions and attitude following the conviction. I also feel we have been lied to. My OH feels we should have no contact now. We had no social services involvement until he had his court date which I feel was a good thing however since he pleaded guilty they have been in touch to discuss how we feel we can move forward. My children are not aware of anything and I really would like to keep it that way. I am terrified of media exposure and how we even try to find a way through this. Has anyone been in a similar position and does it ever get better ????
I dont believe there is a charge available for searching for iioc. Typically the charges would be possession, making (means making copies like downloads), distribution and producing. Maybe also viewing? Then there are charges per category (a, b , c).
Has your dad done any courses to reflect on his online behavior? These are great for people to see why their actions are detrimental. By being active in viewing in iioc this drives the demand.
It is frustrating when offenders show denial or dismissive. As he is sentenced I assume he is still on probation and he will have visits from police. If he has a dismissive attitude that will impact his risk factor which the probation and police will pick up on.
I hope for your sake and the children he will become more honest with you. It will be hard for him if he himself remains in a denial attitude.
Has your dad done any courses to reflect on his online behavior? These are great for people to see why their actions are detrimental. By being active in viewing in iioc this drives the demand.
It is frustrating when offenders show denial or dismissive. As he is sentenced I assume he is still on probation and he will have visits from police. If he has a dismissive attitude that will impact his risk factor which the probation and police will pick up on.
I hope for your sake and the children he will become more honest with you. It will be hard for him if he himself remains in a denial attitude.
I believe that the truth comes out at the sentencing hearing. If they say he systematically searched, then he systematically searched. The press thing is a huge stress. Try not to be pressured into cutting ties though by others. That has to be your decision. Much love to you. X
Thank you for the replies, have any of you had to deal with the media documenting the case? How soon after sentencing does it come out? I think it's a massive part of my anxiety and trying to deal with it is the constant worry of other people finding out and it impacting friendships, my children and local relationships. It is so raw at the minute and with my father just wanting it to be the end and move on it's making it difficult to ask questions and understand how we got here and more importantly how/if we can move on.
I'm sorry you find yourself here, it's such a difficult and confusing place to be. You may be right in that your Dad is hoping all this will go a way but sadly that's not going to happen. He is now going to be restricted and monitored for the next 10 years.
If your Dad hasn't already done so, he'll now need to work on understanding what led him to offending in the first place and the impact this has on the victims. Once he has a better understanding of this, he can then work on making better choices and decisions in the future. His probation and offender manager should be working with him on this.
Whether you decide to support your Dad has to be your decision but if you've always been a close family you might want to try and find a way in which this could continue whilst also ensuring any identified risks are managed.
If your Dad hasn't already done so, he'll now need to work on understanding what led him to offending in the first place and the impact this has on the victims. Once he has a better understanding of this, he can then work on making better choices and decisions in the future. His probation and offender manager should be working with him on this.
Whether you decide to support your Dad has to be your decision but if you've always been a close family you might want to try and find a way in which this could continue whilst also ensuring any identified risks are managed.
I have some similarities, my dad (while not able to open up about what he did to me) was charged and pled guilty. We were worried for his mental health but with the support from Stop it Now, he has made a lot of progress. I guess we're lucky because he has acknowledged that what he did was disgusting and that his addiction to porn led him down a rabbit hole that has brought us to this nightmare. He was truly horrified by what he heard at the plea hearing. He has accepted that he did something horrible and will accept the consequences. We are still awaiting sentencing for now.
The press reported the plea hearing with the charges but it was a social media news square that included the name and street. I don't know if anything further will come at sentencing.
I chose to be involved with my person, this is easier as I have no children but I also want to help them get better. My advice is focus on yourself and your family unit first. Work with LFF or another to help understand your feelings on the matter then make your decision.
The press reported the plea hearing with the charges but it was a social media news square that included the name and street. I don't know if anything further will come at sentencing.
I chose to be involved with my person, this is easier as I have no children but I also want to help them get better. My advice is focus on yourself and your family unit first. Work with LFF or another to help understand your feelings on the matter then make your decision.
Upsetson80, yes, I had to suffer the press and social media. There wasn't a court reporter there on the day of sentencing so I thought we'd gotten away with that. Then 6 weeks later, the officer in charge phoned me "as a courtesy " to let me know that my ex's case was going to be published on the Police's social media page and then it was picked up by the local media. They published his mug shot, name, age, crimes, sentence and the road address which was where we all lived including our children. I read every single comment that people made on the FB page. They were all very similar and predictable. There were about 200 comments. No one mentioned the family and how we must be feeling. Then, because the Police had put a marker on my home address in case of any trouble, my housing association found out and phoned me threatening eviction. My advice to you is that you can't predict or prevent the media but You can deactivate all your social media and not read any of it. These days the reporters are usually in the sentencing hearing remotely. I'm about to go through all this again in a weeks time as my ex reoffended. I'm petrified. X
Upsetson89 - I could've written your post myself. My person is my Dad, we had the knock 5 days ago, and I still feel like I'm in a nightmare. I also have children that were very close to him, which has made the whole situation 10 times harder.
If you'd like to private message me, feel free. It would be nice to speak to someone who's in the exact same position as myself.
If you'd like to private message me, feel free. It would be nice to speak to someone who's in the exact same position as myself.