I can’t do this :(
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The knock was on Tuesday early morning. I wasn't told much and still haven't been told much too be honest.
He has been released with bail conditions stating he can't have contact with any children under the age of 18, including his own (we have three).
I feel so alone and have no support. I've not been able to work due to him being the main carer of the children whilst I work (from home).
my children are devastated and wondering where daddy is. Ive been with him for over 10 years.
the info I have is that an allegation has been made and an IIOC (1) was linked to his Snapchat account. I have asked him about it and he said he genuinely has no recollection of seeing this image. I don't know what to believe.
when he was arrested the OIC said she will bring him home later that day after his interview, and he was told the same by the solicitor, police, everyone. Then they had the meeting with SS and the bail conditions were set. Why were we told he would be allowed home? :(
SS are being no help. They rang this morning as I asked if he can have a phone call with his children and they said she spoke to her manager and they said no due to them not knowing if it was our child in the photo?!?! The OIC said it definitely wasn't and if it were then they would have to disclose everything to me and speak with the children. So why don't SS have this information?!?! They have to do an assessment but can't give me a timeframe but will be "as fast as they can".
I don't know what to make of all of this. No one is telling me anything and my partner doesn't even know much, he said all they have is the allegation of the photo. :( I keep crying and reading how long this takes on here isn't giving me any hope.
sorry for such a long post. Just wanted to know if anyone has had the same sort of situation I guess.
He has been released with bail conditions stating he can't have contact with any children under the age of 18, including his own (we have three).
I feel so alone and have no support. I've not been able to work due to him being the main carer of the children whilst I work (from home).
my children are devastated and wondering where daddy is. Ive been with him for over 10 years.
the info I have is that an allegation has been made and an IIOC (1) was linked to his Snapchat account. I have asked him about it and he said he genuinely has no recollection of seeing this image. I don't know what to believe.
when he was arrested the OIC said she will bring him home later that day after his interview, and he was told the same by the solicitor, police, everyone. Then they had the meeting with SS and the bail conditions were set. Why were we told he would be allowed home? :(
SS are being no help. They rang this morning as I asked if he can have a phone call with his children and they said she spoke to her manager and they said no due to them not knowing if it was our child in the photo?!?! The OIC said it definitely wasn't and if it were then they would have to disclose everything to me and speak with the children. So why don't SS have this information?!?! They have to do an assessment but can't give me a timeframe but will be "as fast as they can".
I don't know what to make of all of this. No one is telling me anything and my partner doesn't even know much, he said all they have is the allegation of the photo. :( I keep crying and reading how long this takes on here isn't giving me any hope.
sorry for such a long post. Just wanted to know if anyone has had the same sort of situation I guess.
I can't really tell you much about those first few weeks after the knock. Mine was 2 years ago valentines day and we're luckily now past sentencing and things but some days are still filled with gloom and uncertainty.
My only bit of advice is to take things slowly, at your own pace. Feel however you need to feel and do whatever you need to do to get through it. This is a long and lengthy process, my only advice would be to work with social service. They will want to know that your willing tk do whatever you need to keep them safe even if that means keeping them away from dad for a while. I know it's hard. And it's beyond unfair but just know that things will get easier eventually.
My nan always used to tell me it'll all be OK in the end, and if it's not OK then it's not the end
My only bit of advice is to take things slowly, at your own pace. Feel however you need to feel and do whatever you need to do to get through it. This is a long and lengthy process, my only advice would be to work with social service. They will want to know that your willing tk do whatever you need to keep them safe even if that means keeping them away from dad for a while. I know it's hard. And it's beyond unfair but just know that things will get easier eventually.
My nan always used to tell me it'll all be OK in the end, and if it's not OK then it's not the end
The stories on here are truly awful.
I worry about EVERYTHING I always have, but THIS! was never in my worries, never!
This site felt/ feels like a reaching hand, i am so glad i found it, but cant actually remember how.
My anxiety which isnt new always makes me think the worst in any situation.
my SO son has his date now...next month. Hes very monotone with me, he wont engage, wont hug me...i dont know what happened to him...
Thank you all for posting and helping a 1 mum struggle to be somewhat shared xx
I worry about EVERYTHING I always have, but THIS! was never in my worries, never!
This site felt/ feels like a reaching hand, i am so glad i found it, but cant actually remember how.
My anxiety which isnt new always makes me think the worst in any situation.
my SO son has his date now...next month. Hes very monotone with me, he wont engage, wont hug me...i dont know what happened to him...
Thank you all for posting and helping a 1 mum struggle to be somewhat shared xx
Thank you.
i just don't understand why we were told he would be dropped home after the interview as surely the OIC that arrested him would have all the evidence at that stage.
my kids are really not coping well with their dad not being around and not even being able to speak to him on the phone due to SS! Which is another thing I don't underatand but hey, guess they aren't in a rush to sort these things and in the meantime my kids and I are struggling x
i just don't understand why we were told he would be dropped home after the interview as surely the OIC that arrested him would have all the evidence at that stage.
my kids are really not coping well with their dad not being around and not even being able to speak to him on the phone due to SS! Which is another thing I don't underatand but hey, guess they aren't in a rush to sort these things and in the meantime my kids and I are struggling x
It's cruel but actually no one seems to care about the partners or the children. They just blame the person and say well it's because of them not us. If they hadn't have done it you wouldn't be in this situation. Well that's absolute rubbish. They should care about what's happening to you and your kids and their delays are what is causing it. They don't want to admit that even to themselves. We are victims of the system that is completely broken but no one will say anything because of the shame so we all just go through absolute hell waiting.
What I'm struggling to understand the most is if he actually hasn't done this, because there's a chance his Snapchat was uninstalled before Jan 2024 which is when they said the image was received.
so if he is completely unaware of it, we are being put through this for really unfair reasons :(
I wish there was a timeline. I really don't think they will find anything on his phone or Xbox/playstation. (Hoping and praying anyway)
They have taken my sons Amazon kids tablet and said they will prioritise it and was promised they would bring it back the same night but that wasn't true!
it's all a mess and I just can't get my head around any of it. They haven't even provided his duty solicitors contact information. He said the solicitor even told him he would be home that night and didn't seem worried about it at all
so if he is completely unaware of it, we are being put through this for really unfair reasons :(
I wish there was a timeline. I really don't think they will find anything on his phone or Xbox/playstation. (Hoping and praying anyway)
They have taken my sons Amazon kids tablet and said they will prioritise it and was promised they would bring it back the same night but that wasn't true!
it's all a mess and I just can't get my head around any of it. They haven't even provided his duty solicitors contact information. He said the solicitor even told him he would be home that night and didn't seem worried about it at all
Many people get NFA after months of hell they don't care about that either. Honestly it's absolutely awful.
They know they can get away with it because people won't shout about it because of the type of crime and the stigma attached. Even if he is completely innocent you won't shout about it because people will assume guilt as soon as they hear it. So they can literally do what they like.
They know they can get away with it because people won't shout about it because of the type of crime and the stigma attached. Even if he is completely innocent you won't shout about it because people will assume guilt as soon as they hear it. So they can literally do what they like.
That's what I'm hoping it'll be! Absolutely crossing everything! But in the meantime, my kids are sad and confused and being put through hell. They worship the ground their dad walks on, he does everything and more for them. I feel so sad for them :(
Not much to add apart from to say I'm so sorry and feel furious on your behalf. We feel very much the same but although he had to leave home our son has always ben allowed to see his children although with us supervising. Do you have someone if not yourself, like a grandparent, who could be assessed for supervising? We were allowed that almost immediately but there were faceTimes before that with supervision at either end. I'm sure your treatment contravenes some human and family rights laws. Maybe phone the Family Rights group helpline and ask for their advice.
However, regarding the police - I'm sorry to say they will say what you want to hear at the time with absolutely no intention of enforcing that. Multiple posts on here (including our experience) confirms that and my OH, the offender being our son, is a retired Police Officer and he is disgusted with how the police have behaved as all they want is a conviction and never mind who gets trampled on in the pursuit of that :(
However, regarding the police - I'm sorry to say they will say what you want to hear at the time with absolutely no intention of enforcing that. Multiple posts on here (including our experience) confirms that and my OH, the offender being our son, is a retired Police Officer and he is disgusted with how the police have behaved as all they want is a conviction and never mind who gets trampled on in the pursuit of that :(
Literally the worst part for me is the fact that noone cares how any of this effects us or the children. And as said above if anyone mentions it they just say our partners have done this to us not them, which I gues in one way they have a point. But on the other hand, when our partners are trying so hard to better themselves you'd think they'd be more willing to work with us.
They give the impression we deserve everything we get for staying.
Thank you for your replies.
this doesn't fill me with much hope :(
Unfortunately I don't have anyone that can supervise as my family live over 3 hours away and his 3 hours away but the other way.
All SS said was because they don't know if it was our kids in the picture, but police told me it wasn't. Why aren't they communicating, surely SS should have this information elsewhere how can they possibly do an assessment on whether he can have contact with them.
this doesn't fill me with much hope :(
Unfortunately I don't have anyone that can supervise as my family live over 3 hours away and his 3 hours away but the other way.
All SS said was because they don't know if it was our kids in the picture, but police told me it wasn't. Why aren't they communicating, surely SS should have this information elsewhere how can they possibly do an assessment on whether he can have contact with them.
Also im wondering if anyone has any idea if the police can see whether the Snapchat conversation/image was opened by him or whether it was just sent to his account?
All they said was they had a credible accusation (Snapchat itself) that an IIOC had been linked to his account. But we don't know if he had a conversation, opened it or it was sent after the app was uninstalled.
Just looking for some insight on whether Snapchat send all of this info?
All they said was they had a credible accusation (Snapchat itself) that an IIOC had been linked to his account. But we don't know if he had a conversation, opened it or it was sent after the app was uninstalled.
Just looking for some insight on whether Snapchat send all of this info?
Can't comment specifically on Snapchat as I've never used it but most messaging services have a way of showing message status, the two I use Messenger and Whatsapp have different iconography to denote sent messages, delivered messages and read messages. So I would guess if the police can view the chats they would be able to see the status of each message.
From what I understand they can only use what is on the actual phone so if it was after the app was uninstalled it won't be there?
Ah okay, he had a different phone back then which got stolen when we went on holiday in September so it definitely won't be on the phone they have taken from him.
I just assumed as Snapchat sent the police the info, they would have the whole conversation (if there was one) and would be able to see if it was opened.
So basically there is no way to tell if he asked for it or received it and deleted straight away once realises what it was. That's worrying :(
I just assumed as Snapchat sent the police the info, they would have the whole conversation (if there was one) and would be able to see if it was opened.
So basically there is no way to tell if he asked for it or received it and deleted straight away once realises what it was. That's worrying :(
I think they would need to prove he has rather he prove he hasn't so it might be a good thing
I wish I understood Snapchat. My 16yr old son is under investigation. Was originally on bail since the knock 6 months ago and last time was changed to under investigation.
We have emails where our son reported things to snapchat and reponses that on violated their rules. My theory this is something someone sent him.
All we got from oic was his email address and our IP was linked to IIOC but no more. So really in dark and it's that which we find hard. They seem not to care about families caught up in this.
We have emails where our son reported things to snapchat and reponses that on violated their rules. My theory this is something someone sent him.
All we got from oic was his email address and our IP was linked to IIOC but no more. So really in dark and it's that which we find hard. They seem not to care about families caught up in this.
This must be so raw for you still. my knock was 8 weeks ago and I've still not been given any details. same bail conditions, initially it wasn't too hard as I had a 16 year old at home not OH biological child and I was able to be very honest with him.
relationship of 11 years and police said it was an image sent to or from but they knew who had sent or it had been sent too and this lady was named in bail.
ss have literally been like talking to a brick wall. I've just given birth to our only child together. I sent a message to advise social worker of her birth and she actually replied to the message I sent 6 weeks ago.
They will make you feel like you should be wiping your OH from your life without a single emotion without even a conviction or charge.
I don't know when things start to feel better, but I hope it's soon xx
relationship of 11 years and police said it was an image sent to or from but they knew who had sent or it had been sent too and this lady was named in bail.
ss have literally been like talking to a brick wall. I've just given birth to our only child together. I sent a message to advise social worker of her birth and she actually replied to the message I sent 6 weeks ago.
They will make you feel like you should be wiping your OH from your life without a single emotion without even a conviction or charge.
I don't know when things start to feel better, but I hope it's soon xx
Does anyone know if they only send devices off for further investigation if they find something at the first triage?
Just had a call from the OIC saying that they will be looking at some devices today (my 2 laptops & my kids 3 tablets), and hopefully will have those back tomorrow. But they said that they know what they are looking for and where they think they will find it, I asked if that was my partners phone and she said yes and that this is what will take the 12 months to be forensics examined.
Now I'm worried that they have already looked at this device and have found something or is it a case of they will send it off regardless if they find something or not?
Just had a call from the OIC saying that they will be looking at some devices today (my 2 laptops & my kids 3 tablets), and hopefully will have those back tomorrow. But they said that they know what they are looking for and where they think they will find it, I asked if that was my partners phone and she said yes and that this is what will take the 12 months to be forensics examined.
Now I'm worried that they have already looked at this device and have found something or is it a case of they will send it off regardless if they find something or not?
It's very stressful but try not to dwell on worst case scenarios. If it's Snapchat then the phone is the primary piece of evidence. It's a difficult app to recover data from so it will always be sent off, the regular officer doesn't have the skills to do that level of forensic search. Could still come back NFA if they can't find images in question. But it's a torturous wait.