Fridays check in x
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Afternoon lovlies x
For the ladies that have sentancing on Tuesday know that we will all be thinking of you and hoping for a positive outcome, huge hugs and strength sent xx
Another week that has flown by, I had today of work as the car had its MOT, it failed but thankfully they were able to do the work and it has now passed (thank goodness)
I have a vist tomorrow with HC so looking forward to seeing him, he received his results from his TMA exam ( he is doing a business degree) he did amazingly well 98 out of 100% hos Tutor wrote some really nice comments about the work he has done, (this has given him a real boost) so proud of him xx
The weather is absolutely awful here today it's like a proper winters day, roll on spring!
I hope you can all find something to look forward to over the weekend, and remember as hard as this journey is you are all just so incredibly brave, strong and amazing xx
Love sent as always xx
For the ladies that have sentancing on Tuesday know that we will all be thinking of you and hoping for a positive outcome, huge hugs and strength sent xx
Another week that has flown by, I had today of work as the car had its MOT, it failed but thankfully they were able to do the work and it has now passed (thank goodness)
I have a vist tomorrow with HC so looking forward to seeing him, he received his results from his TMA exam ( he is doing a business degree) he did amazingly well 98 out of 100% hos Tutor wrote some really nice comments about the work he has done, (this has given him a real boost) so proud of him xx
The weather is absolutely awful here today it's like a proper winters day, roll on spring!
I hope you can all find something to look forward to over the weekend, and remember as hard as this journey is you are all just so incredibly brave, strong and amazing xx
Love sent as always xx
Sorry to hear about the car failing. Glad it's passed now though!
I've had quite a slow week this week. Being 33 weeks pregnant it's all starting to catch up on me now so tried to just take things easier.
Finally met my new social worker yesterday, turns our she'd been trying to get in contact with me buy my old social worker never updated my contact details so they thought I was ignoring them. But that's all sorted now and she seems really nice. She's given me more hope than my last one but only time will tell! I need to go food shopping this weekend and do a deep clean indoors. But other than that no real plans for this weekend.
I've had quite a slow week this week. Being 33 weeks pregnant it's all starting to catch up on me now so tried to just take things easier.
Finally met my new social worker yesterday, turns our she'd been trying to get in contact with me buy my old social worker never updated my contact details so they thought I was ignoring them. But that's all sorted now and she seems really nice. She's given me more hope than my last one but only time will tell! I need to go food shopping this weekend and do a deep clean indoors. But other than that no real plans for this weekend.
Hi ladies - yes running a car can be your best friend and your worst enemy! Glad your all sorted now upset - ready for your visit tomo.
Had a bit of a mixed week with a few stresses and the familiar related stomach tension to go with it..... But hey ho all part of this glorious journey.....
I was out gardening in the lovely sunshine yesterday, which was wonderful, but today it's bitter cold out there. Roll on spring and summer.
sending out love and support to all my forum friends.
Had a bit of a mixed week with a few stresses and the familiar related stomach tension to go with it..... But hey ho all part of this glorious journey.....
I was out gardening in the lovely sunshine yesterday, which was wonderful, but today it's bitter cold out there. Roll on spring and summer.
sending out love and support to all my forum friends.
Hello friday check in
I looked for this earlier and thought it had not be written. It was so far down the list that it was easy to miss. I just hope that other entries do not get lost with people needing help.
My week has been a mix bag. Over and since xmas my depression has been winning. I get pockets of severe depression and pockets of feeling good. But it is wearing me out. I had last weekend off work and it was lovely, but back to working both days overtime this weekend. Talking of cars, I am still paying mine, both cars as OH still has one, hence the overtime. I think it is slowly wearing me out though. A family member is on the brink of retiring and all they talk about is when they will finish. (They are quite an insentitve person so does not really think at what they are doing, and i cant tell them. They will deny what they are doing and will make it out that it is all in my head) I am working all the hours and may have to go full time (i am nearly doing that already but not quite). I know there are many on here are in a worse situation than me, but before all of this i was looking at going partially retired, and now i am increasing my hours and working overtime paying for everything and it is making me bitter and angry. So i am bitter, angry and tired. Not a good combination. I am trying to rise above it, going to my classes, going to the gym and meeting up with friends. But, i am really too tired from work to do these things, but if i dont i will just be working and nothing else. I just want someone to hug me and say i will look after you, i will help you. I know everyone here is here and the support i get from this is great and the great friends i have made. I am just fed up being tired, angry and bitter. I really want to feel happiness for my family member but i hope i mask what i feel by nice comments and a smile on my face but all i feel is jealousy which does not help anyone nor is it helpful.
But on a brighter note its my furbaby birthday today so we have spoiling her today. Both furbabies have had new toys and a nice dinner.
I should listen to my own advise, when my son was panicking years ago about money, i said you have somewhere warm to live, people who love you and food on the table. I think i need to listen to myself.
Thanks for listening, sometimes you just need to rant. So i will smile (I read somewhere if you physically smile you cannot stay sad) and make the most of the few hours i am not working. I am going to try and plan something nice to do after work.
This coming week i have two days off work so i will take time to arrange something nice. Sorry for moaning, I just feel so alone in my little world sometimes it is overpowering.
I hope everyone gets to have a nice weekend. Love and hugs
I looked for this earlier and thought it had not be written. It was so far down the list that it was easy to miss. I just hope that other entries do not get lost with people needing help.
My week has been a mix bag. Over and since xmas my depression has been winning. I get pockets of severe depression and pockets of feeling good. But it is wearing me out. I had last weekend off work and it was lovely, but back to working both days overtime this weekend. Talking of cars, I am still paying mine, both cars as OH still has one, hence the overtime. I think it is slowly wearing me out though. A family member is on the brink of retiring and all they talk about is when they will finish. (They are quite an insentitve person so does not really think at what they are doing, and i cant tell them. They will deny what they are doing and will make it out that it is all in my head) I am working all the hours and may have to go full time (i am nearly doing that already but not quite). I know there are many on here are in a worse situation than me, but before all of this i was looking at going partially retired, and now i am increasing my hours and working overtime paying for everything and it is making me bitter and angry. So i am bitter, angry and tired. Not a good combination. I am trying to rise above it, going to my classes, going to the gym and meeting up with friends. But, i am really too tired from work to do these things, but if i dont i will just be working and nothing else. I just want someone to hug me and say i will look after you, i will help you. I know everyone here is here and the support i get from this is great and the great friends i have made. I am just fed up being tired, angry and bitter. I really want to feel happiness for my family member but i hope i mask what i feel by nice comments and a smile on my face but all i feel is jealousy which does not help anyone nor is it helpful.
But on a brighter note its my furbaby birthday today so we have spoiling her today. Both furbabies have had new toys and a nice dinner.
I should listen to my own advise, when my son was panicking years ago about money, i said you have somewhere warm to live, people who love you and food on the table. I think i need to listen to myself.
Thanks for listening, sometimes you just need to rant. So i will smile (I read somewhere if you physically smile you cannot stay sad) and make the most of the few hours i am not working. I am going to try and plan something nice to do after work.
This coming week i have two days off work so i will take time to arrange something nice. Sorry for moaning, I just feel so alone in my little world sometimes it is overpowering.
I hope everyone gets to have a nice weekend. Love and hugs
Good evening ladies,
I've actually had a good week for once. We had our 1st child protection review conference this week and I'm happy to say it went really well and they have stepped down to child in need and taken the kids off the child protection register which is a huge relief. We have also been decorating and after 3 weeks of sleeping on an airbed due to builders taking forever to plaster my bedroom I'm finally back in a normal bed with a fresh new bedroom. We have now moved onto the living room and it's definitely keeping us busy and taking our minds off reality for a bit.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend
Xx
I've actually had a good week for once. We had our 1st child protection review conference this week and I'm happy to say it went really well and they have stepped down to child in need and taken the kids off the child protection register which is a huge relief. We have also been decorating and after 3 weeks of sleeping on an airbed due to builders taking forever to plaster my bedroom I'm finally back in a normal bed with a fresh new bedroom. We have now moved onto the living room and it's definitely keeping us busy and taking our minds off reality for a bit.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend
Xx
Hello Friday Check in,
I would also like to send my support to all of you with important dates next week. Sentencing and everything else.
I am going to visit my husband in 3 hours. I'm so nervous to go to a prison. I haven't seen him in 2 1/2 months. I know he is so excited to see me but I am scared. Scared that it will change how I see him forever.
I would also like to send my support to all of you with important dates next week. Sentencing and everything else.
I am going to visit my husband in 3 hours. I'm so nervous to go to a prison. I haven't seen him in 2 1/2 months. I know he is so excited to see me but I am scared. Scared that it will change how I see him forever.
Hello check in crew!
mixed week here, no more social services since they closed our CIN but as usual quite incompetent and not updated or provided us with anything to confirm this. Mood has been a bit low as I've been poorly and thats left ne feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm also having mixed and sad feelings not wanting to be around my person and coming to dread my supervision sessions which are a blessing for my child (and the other supervisors) but a curse for me as it's a constant reminder of the life I've lost and quite stressful always having to be on guard like a prey animal. Work has been super busy and ive had some unexpected bills that I could have done without....but you muddle through.
As the nights get lighter I'm sure the winter blues will start to ease off. I've signed up for a talking forwards peer support but couldn't make the first session....fingers crossed I'll get to the next one. It sounds really supportive and welcoming just like you guys on the forum and at LFF.
Oh Web I know how you feel, the burden of secret keeping and keeping your finances afloat when many of us have lost half or more of their income or don't have a secure future is tough and it's hard not to feel like it's unfair (because it is).
mixed week here, no more social services since they closed our CIN but as usual quite incompetent and not updated or provided us with anything to confirm this. Mood has been a bit low as I've been poorly and thats left ne feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm also having mixed and sad feelings not wanting to be around my person and coming to dread my supervision sessions which are a blessing for my child (and the other supervisors) but a curse for me as it's a constant reminder of the life I've lost and quite stressful always having to be on guard like a prey animal. Work has been super busy and ive had some unexpected bills that I could have done without....but you muddle through.
As the nights get lighter I'm sure the winter blues will start to ease off. I've signed up for a talking forwards peer support but couldn't make the first session....fingers crossed I'll get to the next one. It sounds really supportive and welcoming just like you guys on the forum and at LFF.
Oh Web I know how you feel, the burden of secret keeping and keeping your finances afloat when many of us have lost half or more of their income or don't have a secure future is tough and it's hard not to feel like it's unfair (because it is).
Heya all,
An ok week here. Mainly just settling into the new normal of not knowing wtf is going to happen. I saw this during the week. And found it beautiful. Maybe it'll be of comfort to others as it was to me. It's 'Glass Balloon' by Becky Hemsley
I’ve been carrying this glass balloon around with me for a while now.
So fragile and yet so heavy.
I’m terrified to let it go. In case it breaks, smashes.
And I have nothing left.
I can’t deflate it.
But it’s weighing me down
and the longer I hold it,
the sooner I feel like I’ll buckle under the weight of it.
And how do I explain to others that I am carrying something so delicate yet so substantial? How do I ask them to help me carry this thing that they cannot see?
Perhaps I’m not supposed to let it go.
Perhaps I’m supposed to tie it to my heart and carry it around forever. And it will remain as heavy and as fragile as it has always been, but I will get used to carrying it.
I will learn how to hold it on the difficult days, rather than letting it hold me.
I will learn how to let it lift me up rather than letting it weigh me down.
I will learn how to explain it to others rather than shouldering the weight in silence.
And as time goes on, maybe…
Just maybe…
I will figure out
how to let it fly.
Sending light as always.
Ashes. x
An ok week here. Mainly just settling into the new normal of not knowing wtf is going to happen. I saw this during the week. And found it beautiful. Maybe it'll be of comfort to others as it was to me. It's 'Glass Balloon' by Becky Hemsley
I’ve been carrying this glass balloon around with me for a while now.
So fragile and yet so heavy.
I’m terrified to let it go. In case it breaks, smashes.
And I have nothing left.
I can’t deflate it.
But it’s weighing me down
and the longer I hold it,
the sooner I feel like I’ll buckle under the weight of it.
And how do I explain to others that I am carrying something so delicate yet so substantial? How do I ask them to help me carry this thing that they cannot see?
Perhaps I’m not supposed to let it go.
Perhaps I’m supposed to tie it to my heart and carry it around forever. And it will remain as heavy and as fragile as it has always been, but I will get used to carrying it.
I will learn how to hold it on the difficult days, rather than letting it hold me.
I will learn how to let it lift me up rather than letting it weigh me down.
I will learn how to explain it to others rather than shouldering the weight in silence.
And as time goes on, maybe…
Just maybe…
I will figure out
how to let it fly.
Sending light as always.
Ashes. x
What a wonderful poem. Its early days for us - just 4 days so far. I really needed to read those words, thankyou so much for sharing them. My heart, what little there is that's not broken right now, goes out to you all xx
it's not Friday but what a week.
still no contact from social worker despite another "I'll pop out and see you next week" so thats 1 month and 1 week from her first and only visit when she also said she would see me the next week.
went in for a 39 week scan on Tuesday and consultant decided due to some complications and my age they would induce me the next day. My birth partners(my daughters) couldn't join me until I was in active labour. despite a 16 year gap I had another speedy delivery, 3 cm to birth in 40 minutes so gave birth alone, then a 12hr wait gor visiting hours you can imagine I was heartbroken.
fast forward baby now 3 days old, she's just perfect. I've not bounced back from birth as easily as I did with my 3 older children and have constant anxiety that somethings wrong. My contact with OH just involves an awful lot of tears, I feel like so much has been taken away from me. It's looking like he won't meet his daughter for a fair time, social worker has made no contact with him at all.
I'm hoping by next Friday I'll have found my feet and can find some courage to contact social worker to push for her to maybe do her job.
still no contact from social worker despite another "I'll pop out and see you next week" so thats 1 month and 1 week from her first and only visit when she also said she would see me the next week.
went in for a 39 week scan on Tuesday and consultant decided due to some complications and my age they would induce me the next day. My birth partners(my daughters) couldn't join me until I was in active labour. despite a 16 year gap I had another speedy delivery, 3 cm to birth in 40 minutes so gave birth alone, then a 12hr wait gor visiting hours you can imagine I was heartbroken.
fast forward baby now 3 days old, she's just perfect. I've not bounced back from birth as easily as I did with my 3 older children and have constant anxiety that somethings wrong. My contact with OH just involves an awful lot of tears, I feel like so much has been taken away from me. It's looking like he won't meet his daughter for a fair time, social worker has made no contact with him at all.
I'm hoping by next Friday I'll have found my feet and can find some courage to contact social worker to push for her to maybe do her job.
Mum - Bless you and a warm hug of congratulations on the birth of your beautiful little girl.......love sent......