Family and Friends Forum

Oh Life, I wish I could think of something wise to say, but I frequently feel just as you do. That everything is ruined and pointless.

It's hard and unfair and often I don't want to be strong, to keep going. I don't want to be in this position at all.

If my anger runs away with me, I tend to feel worse. So I'm trying not to ruminate - not because I'm no longer angry, or because I don't think I should be angry or anything like that, sort of selfishly, to feel slightly less awful. It sometimes works.

I wish I could say something that would give you even a moment's relief because I know the despair you're in and it's awful. You're not alone x

Your post is so sad. I can understand your desperation - I'm years down the line since my son was 'caught' but still plunge into bouts of painful depression even with a good network of support, it still grabs me.

i always feel for people with children to care for and how hard it must be for them just to 'keep strong/to keep their families together.

Not quite sure where this is going - or of any use - but we hear you and understand your pain.....

Love sent xxxxxxx

My biggest fear is this haunts my daughter in laterr life we got her a psychologist immediately through school sadly they took it away as soon as sentencing was over we now pay for a private one she only goes when she feels she needs to and its usually a joint one with her dad as her anger for the situation comes out now and again, she has a mentor at high-school who has been amazing friend to her a good listener and non judgemental not once has she badmouthed me or her dad always shows kindness and asks after us, we are through sentencing through media coverage trying now to get it removed from the website as conviction is spent, did I think we would ever get here no I didn't, do i still suffer inside? everyday, do I need to seek help? 100%, am I ready to seek help? No,, as I have spent the last 3 years making sure everyone is OK

Please take a day at a time, i went to work every day nobody knew a thing until media coverage friends were shocked I hadn't confided in them, but this crime comes with such a burden such a heavy weight you feel if you tell someone they will unburden it to someone else.

Please message me if I can do.anytbing

I'm sorry if this is blunt but you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. For your children's sake you desperately need to stop that voice going round and round in your head, because it's that voice in your head which will actually ruin your children's lives. I had a deeply traumatic childhood by anyone's standards (worse than the kids of IIOC offenders- sorry but it was) & am thankful that key adults around me did NOT buy into any narrative that my life was "ruined" as a result. Instead I saw them model incredible resilience in themselves & the belief that I COULD do it (I went to an elite university from the sort of council estate which had burnt out cars on the green spaces). And while I do live with impact of my childhood I have also benefitted from it in some ways - independence, toughness, a determination to do my best by my own children. But if you give your children the "your lives are ruined" message- and trust me they will get that message from you even if you don't vocalise it - they WILL be. You actually have agency here

Unfortunately, I agree with every word you said and I feel exactly the same. X

Sadandacared, I'm pleased that you have the resilience, you're very fortunate. However, some people don't and can't. For some, the cliche of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger " simply isn't true. For some, every trauma we experience makes us withdraw further and further. If every single adult in our lives has betrayed us and treated us terribly, it's extremely difficult, if not impossible to get through. Trauma is so complex and I know for me that simply getting through each day alive, had to be enough.