Does anyone have any idea how I can get SS to change their mind. He was arrested a week ago tomorrow for an allegation of IIOC. They took all devices. He is adamant they won't find anything and he doesn't have any recollection of ever seeing this image (just the one that they have an allegation of, from Snapchat).
There are reasons which are swaying me to believing him. One being, I have been with this man for almost 11 years, we have barely spent a day apart and I can almost always tell when he is lying! Another being messenger conversations with him which I found the other day and he states in these that he deleted Snapchat (we were going through a rough time but we wanted to try and work on things again), and this was in December 2023, then in Jan 2024 I asked if he has reinstalled it and he swore to me that he hadn't. I was at this point regularly looking at his phone due to him being on it in the first place in December and I don't ever remember seeing it on there or on his history (he's a technophobe so didn't even know I could get this info up). Jan 2024 is when this image was received they said, at 5:30am.
I know that I can never be 100% sure and some days I believe him then other days I don't and I have doubts but that's just a bit of backstory.
SS visited me on the day of the arrest and I asked if he could speak to the kids on the phone. At first I asked the OIC and they said yes but I need to get it in writing from SS. SS said they don't know and then called me on Friday saying they don't want him to telephone conversations with them as "people that do this are more likely to groom their own children"?!?!
My kids are only 3,5 & 9 and my 3 year old is devastated. She's been lashing out which is so so unlike her, she's the sweetest child! She said to me "I miss daddy that's why I'm so mad", what THREE year old should say something like that? :(
Thats just one thing of what she says daily since the arrest.
Anyway my question is, how can I get SS to just let him have phone calls with them, supervised by me? This is so unfair, especially if he didn't even do it.
I have had no contact with them since Friday even though she said she will need to do an assessment and will be "as fast as she can".
Im sorry for venting this is just breaking my heart hearing my baby tell me she wants to speak to daddy and wondering why he's not here when he is with her every single day. She said to me he is her best friend and my heart literally breaks :(:(
There are reasons which are swaying me to believing him. One being, I have been with this man for almost 11 years, we have barely spent a day apart and I can almost always tell when he is lying! Another being messenger conversations with him which I found the other day and he states in these that he deleted Snapchat (we were going through a rough time but we wanted to try and work on things again), and this was in December 2023, then in Jan 2024 I asked if he has reinstalled it and he swore to me that he hadn't. I was at this point regularly looking at his phone due to him being on it in the first place in December and I don't ever remember seeing it on there or on his history (he's a technophobe so didn't even know I could get this info up). Jan 2024 is when this image was received they said, at 5:30am.
I know that I can never be 100% sure and some days I believe him then other days I don't and I have doubts but that's just a bit of backstory.
SS visited me on the day of the arrest and I asked if he could speak to the kids on the phone. At first I asked the OIC and they said yes but I need to get it in writing from SS. SS said they don't know and then called me on Friday saying they don't want him to telephone conversations with them as "people that do this are more likely to groom their own children"?!?!
My kids are only 3,5 & 9 and my 3 year old is devastated. She's been lashing out which is so so unlike her, she's the sweetest child! She said to me "I miss daddy that's why I'm so mad", what THREE year old should say something like that? :(
Thats just one thing of what she says daily since the arrest.
Anyway my question is, how can I get SS to just let him have phone calls with them, supervised by me? This is so unfair, especially if he didn't even do it.
I have had no contact with them since Friday even though she said she will need to do an assessment and will be "as fast as she can".
Im sorry for venting this is just breaking my heart hearing my baby tell me she wants to speak to daddy and wondering why he's not here when he is with her every single day. She said to me he is her best friend and my heart literally breaks :(:(
Hi
The way I got around this is have my person phone my mobile and I would put it on speaker phone and be in the room as the conversations took place.
The way I got around this is have my person phone my mobile and I would put it on speaker phone and be in the room as the conversations took place.
Post deleted by user
Did SS agree that?
That seems quite harsh! My 'OH' is also under investigation for IIOC & in our case SS approved Zoom / phone contact almost immediately, provided I was in the room at all times & the conversation was on speakers. Once they'd done their initial assessment they approved contact supervised by me + his parents, so IIRC the kids were seeing him in person again within a month of it all blowing up. Then a few months later they dropped down to just me supervising at my request. So not sure why they would be so much stricter in your case? My two were a little older & I had voluntarily told them a simple age appropriate version of why their dad was being investigated - no idea if either of these factors was helpful.
I think this is just ridiculous overkill on the part of SS. What about the emotional harm that this is causing to your children. There has to be another way than this !!
Could you write to your Local Authority Director of Children and Young Peoples services. Copying in you local MP and detailing the actual emotional harm being done to your children - evidencing your youngest childs distress behaviour.
If you posted a draft on here (making sure that you redact all identifying info from it) we could all work on it with you.
Could you write to your Local Authority Director of Children and Young Peoples services. Copying in you local MP and detailing the actual emotional harm being done to your children - evidencing your youngest childs distress behaviour.
If you posted a draft on here (making sure that you redact all identifying info from it) we could all work on it with you.
Thank you for your replies!
I have told them how distressed my children are and they keep asking to speak with him but they just don't seem to care.
They said that they don't know if the image was of our children!! The OIC told me it wasn't. I'm so confused how they can do the assessments if they don't even have the basic information! It just makes no sense to me.
Last night was terrible, my children barely slept at all.
That's a good idea! However I honestly wouldn't even know where to start with a letter and how to get all the information to send it to. This is all so confusing x
I have told them how distressed my children are and they keep asking to speak with him but they just don't seem to care.
They said that they don't know if the image was of our children!! The OIC told me it wasn't. I'm so confused how they can do the assessments if they don't even have the basic information! It just makes no sense to me.
Last night was terrible, my children barely slept at all.
That's a good idea! However I honestly wouldn't even know where to start with a letter and how to get all the information to send it to. This is all so confusing x
I'm so mad!!
I have tried to call SS so many times and no answer! How is anything going to be done if they can't even answer the phone to me.
They still haven't spoken to my kids in school like they said they would need to.
I can't get phone call permission in writing because I have t had any contact with them.
How can they do this it's so so unfair to my poor kids that just want their daddy!!
I have tried to call SS so many times and no answer! How is anything going to be done if they can't even answer the phone to me.
They still haven't spoken to my kids in school like they said they would need to.
I can't get phone call permission in writing because I have t had any contact with them.
How can they do this it's so so unfair to my poor kids that just want their daddy!!
Hi,
do you have an email address for the sw? You could email them saying that the OIC has told you that your children were not in the image. As this is no longer in question would it be appropriate to introduce telephone contact supervised by yourself.
Ss have 45 working days to complete their initial assessment from the referral. This isn't a quick process. Perhaps acknowledging that they need time to complete their assessment for face to face contact and stating you'd like to reduce the emotional impact on the children during this time and phone calls is a safe way to do this. Ask if they need to talk to the children first and also acknowledge the upcoming half term xxx
do you have an email address for the sw? You could email them saying that the OIC has told you that your children were not in the image. As this is no longer in question would it be appropriate to introduce telephone contact supervised by yourself.
Ss have 45 working days to complete their initial assessment from the referral. This isn't a quick process. Perhaps acknowledging that they need time to complete their assessment for face to face contact and stating you'd like to reduce the emotional impact on the children during this time and phone calls is a safe way to do this. Ask if they need to talk to the children first and also acknowledge the upcoming half term xxx
I have no email or mobile number for her!
Ive tried calling the main line so many times and no answer so I can't even suggest any of this.
The OIC called me yesterday and I mentioned it to her and she told me that they definitely do know our children weren't in the picture. I feel like screaming!!
Ive tried calling the main line so many times and no answer so I can't even suggest any of this.
The OIC called me yesterday and I mentioned it to her and she told me that they definitely do know our children weren't in the picture. I feel like screaming!!
3 years no contact for my children, did initially allow WhatsApp calls but as soon as sentenced, zero contact, then he was released and they won't allow me to supervise, won't allow any form of communication at all. No matter what I put forward they say no. One last shot in the works but if not only contact centre as an option (which of course I'll be left with the bill).
Ss really don't give a crap about the affects on the children (current issues) they only care about the risk.
Ss really don't give a crap about the affects on the children (current issues) they only care about the risk.