Overreaction?
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I'll try and keep this as short as possible but please bear with me!
I'm actually pretty angry right now.
For context, when my OH attempted suicide following his arrest last year my daughter told her sons school (unnecessarily IMO) because she felt she might need support with my grandson who is nuerodiverse and has ADHD/autism. He isn't doing well in mainstream school and she's trying to get him moved to a specialist school. He's 10.
fast forward to today and she is called into the school as he has been showing class mates a photo of his 'girl friend' and saying he had been looking at a sex club simulator game online.
My daughter is extremely careful with his access to online content - the 'sex club' turned out to be a niteclub simulator which he had seen in an advert on YouTube - the girlfriend is a girl of the same age who is his friend but goes to a different school. He did mention a sexual act but he also told people that his dad had stabbed him - he fantasises and doesn't understand boundaries. The school are aware but are of the opinion they can cater to his needs - they can't.
His class teacher refused to look at the photo and made a proper fuss about it in case it was IIOC - it wasn't - it was the two of them sitting on a sofa and had been taken by the child's mother. My poor daughter was made to feel like a terrible mother (which she is not) and my grandson was left totally traumatised thinking he had done something wrong. The whole thing had been instigated by another child in the class who has form for bullying my grandson.
would the school have reacted this way if they hadn't known about my OH? They have already been told NOT to contact SS for updates on the case (there are none and it's none of their business).
im so upset for my daughter and her boy, and I'm angry with the school for their reaction. Now she's expecting SS to call and is terrified.
I'm actually pretty angry right now.
For context, when my OH attempted suicide following his arrest last year my daughter told her sons school (unnecessarily IMO) because she felt she might need support with my grandson who is nuerodiverse and has ADHD/autism. He isn't doing well in mainstream school and she's trying to get him moved to a specialist school. He's 10.
fast forward to today and she is called into the school as he has been showing class mates a photo of his 'girl friend' and saying he had been looking at a sex club simulator game online.
My daughter is extremely careful with his access to online content - the 'sex club' turned out to be a niteclub simulator which he had seen in an advert on YouTube - the girlfriend is a girl of the same age who is his friend but goes to a different school. He did mention a sexual act but he also told people that his dad had stabbed him - he fantasises and doesn't understand boundaries. The school are aware but are of the opinion they can cater to his needs - they can't.
His class teacher refused to look at the photo and made a proper fuss about it in case it was IIOC - it wasn't - it was the two of them sitting on a sofa and had been taken by the child's mother. My poor daughter was made to feel like a terrible mother (which she is not) and my grandson was left totally traumatised thinking he had done something wrong. The whole thing had been instigated by another child in the class who has form for bullying my grandson.
would the school have reacted this way if they hadn't known about my OH? They have already been told NOT to contact SS for updates on the case (there are none and it's none of their business).
im so upset for my daughter and her boy, and I'm angry with the school for their reaction. Now she's expecting SS to call and is terrified.
Hi,
was it cleared up in school (the photo mostly), are they aware that it isn't iioc?
The school would likely have had the same reaction with no knowledge of your persons arrest. Has your daughter told your grandson about what is going on or could he perhaps have overheard conversations? Or possibly ramped up conversations around online safety? Reading your post makes me wonder if he is trying to process what he's being told by testing other people's reactions to the version of events he has in his head to try to make sense of social ques that he doesn't understand.
If ss get in contact they may be able to support the process of finding a school more suited to his needs. That being said if it has been clarified what he was actually referring to then the school might decide that there isn't a need to make a referral xx
was it cleared up in school (the photo mostly), are they aware that it isn't iioc?
The school would likely have had the same reaction with no knowledge of your persons arrest. Has your daughter told your grandson about what is going on or could he perhaps have overheard conversations? Or possibly ramped up conversations around online safety? Reading your post makes me wonder if he is trying to process what he's being told by testing other people's reactions to the version of events he has in his head to try to make sense of social ques that he doesn't understand.
If ss get in contact they may be able to support the process of finding a school more suited to his needs. That being said if it has been clarified what he was actually referring to then the school might decide that there isn't a need to make a referral xx
My grandson doesn't know what's happened and we don't discuss it in front of the kids, although he may have picked up on stuff I guess - we often don't give enough credit to how perceptive kids can be.
I have told her not to worry too much about SS - she has been through all his devices, checked the parental controls and is happy there is nothing.
Im hoping the school drop it and that they also have a talk to the bully concerned.
Its all such a worry for my daughter
I have told her not to worry too much about SS - she has been through all his devices, checked the parental controls and is happy there is nothing.
Im hoping the school drop it and that they also have a talk to the bully concerned.
Its all such a worry for my daughter
To be completely honest, regardless of what's happened to your OH, I would expect that if any child made these comments a safeguarding chain of events would have to occur, I'm not judging what happened because none of us could know unless we were there.
What I would say is, remember that the teachers are legally obligated to refer anything they suspect as a safeguarding issue to their safeguarding leads, and the process that has to follow will be a set procedure that is the same for everyone, this is to protect the children in their care but also to cover their backs should something arise later down the line. But this doesn't mean they think anything is necessarily wrong they legally have to ensure they've followed the same procedure for every child they have concern about. Safeguarding is incredibly serious and the teachers careers could be at risk of they don't report anything which may indicate a safeguarding risk, so they have to.
I think you're seeing it through a lens of anxiety, you know they know about the court case so that anxiety heightens your reaction and the fear/guilt because you don't want your daughter to suffer adverse consequences to this, I feel the same in alot of situations and have found that I need a 24 hour 'cooling off period' and then I often feel differently and can see more clearly once that anxiety/panic mode has settled down.
What I would say is, remember that the teachers are legally obligated to refer anything they suspect as a safeguarding issue to their safeguarding leads, and the process that has to follow will be a set procedure that is the same for everyone, this is to protect the children in their care but also to cover their backs should something arise later down the line. But this doesn't mean they think anything is necessarily wrong they legally have to ensure they've followed the same procedure for every child they have concern about. Safeguarding is incredibly serious and the teachers careers could be at risk of they don't report anything which may indicate a safeguarding risk, so they have to.
I think you're seeing it through a lens of anxiety, you know they know about the court case so that anxiety heightens your reaction and the fear/guilt because you don't want your daughter to suffer adverse consequences to this, I feel the same in alot of situations and have found that I need a 24 hour 'cooling off period' and then I often feel differently and can see more clearly once that anxiety/panic mode has settled down.
Lrf - I do agree about the cooling off - I do the same and a good nights sleep often works wonders.
I think what pee'd us off most was the teacher's complete overreaction to the photo - by stating 'oh oh no I can't look at that' she immediately showed that she thought it was going to be something awful when it was an innocent photo of 2 kids sitting on a sofa!!! Would she have reacted that way to any other kid showing her a photo? I somehow doubt it.
on the upside he has had a good day at school today with no upsets.
I think what pee'd us off most was the teacher's complete overreaction to the photo - by stating 'oh oh no I can't look at that' she immediately showed that she thought it was going to be something awful when it was an innocent photo of 2 kids sitting on a sofa!!! Would she have reacted that way to any other kid showing her a photo? I somehow doubt it.
on the upside he has had a good day at school today with no upsets.