Confused and Scared
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Hello all
i have been going back and forth about posting for weeks but decided this group is so supportive it may help me gain some peace.
I am just shy if three months after "The Knock". I have been with my husband for 19 years and would never, ever have imagined this would be my life. He was always a great person, everyone loved him and an amazing father to our children. I have been in shock and greiving hard after this occured.
I am confused what this means. Is he the dreaded "P" word? We had a normal happy life. I would always listen to others marital issues and despite us having some problems here or there I considered myself lucky. Now this happens???
His case is interesting and really not sure which direction it will go. He didnt have any "real" IIOC. He used an AI generator to take normal photos and make the subject of the photo nude. So none of these pictures are real. The images ranged from 13yo to adults. He did use some images of people in our life which resulted in the families being notified and my entire town finding out which has been exceptionally difficult.
he has from what feel is being very honest about and explaining i n detail as much as he can. He was not on the "dark web" he wasnt chatting with any children and did not send any of the images out. This was all in his own secret world which is why he was just as surprised he was caught.
I feel sorry for him. He has moved out of our home but he comes to see our children as they love their father so much and would be completely broken without him. He has not been deemed a danger to myself or my children. But I am getting ALOT of judgement and downright horrible reactions from family because i havrnt cut him off and banned him from seeing his children.
this entire experience has been gutwrenching. I have good days where I think im moving forward and then get slapped backwards with the flood of emotion and despair.
Any advice or thoughts would be so helpful
i have been going back and forth about posting for weeks but decided this group is so supportive it may help me gain some peace.
I am just shy if three months after "The Knock". I have been with my husband for 19 years and would never, ever have imagined this would be my life. He was always a great person, everyone loved him and an amazing father to our children. I have been in shock and greiving hard after this occured.
I am confused what this means. Is he the dreaded "P" word? We had a normal happy life. I would always listen to others marital issues and despite us having some problems here or there I considered myself lucky. Now this happens???
His case is interesting and really not sure which direction it will go. He didnt have any "real" IIOC. He used an AI generator to take normal photos and make the subject of the photo nude. So none of these pictures are real. The images ranged from 13yo to adults. He did use some images of people in our life which resulted in the families being notified and my entire town finding out which has been exceptionally difficult.
he has from what feel is being very honest about and explaining i n detail as much as he can. He was not on the "dark web" he wasnt chatting with any children and did not send any of the images out. This was all in his own secret world which is why he was just as surprised he was caught.
I feel sorry for him. He has moved out of our home but he comes to see our children as they love their father so much and would be completely broken without him. He has not been deemed a danger to myself or my children. But I am getting ALOT of judgement and downright horrible reactions from family because i havrnt cut him off and banned him from seeing his children.
this entire experience has been gutwrenching. I have good days where I think im moving forward and then get slapped backwards with the flood of emotion and despair.
Any advice or thoughts would be so helpful
Hi sorry that you find yourself in this situation, it's dreadful enough with others knowing and casting there opinions. I had friends saying to me that they were shocked I would still allow him to see the kids supervised after what he had done but I felt I would be punishing the children and felt that it was fine if he was being supervised around them it was so hard to try and just ignore there opinions but I stuck to my guns and people learnt to respect my decision. I decided to leave my relationship due to not being able to trust him anymore as he was communicating with a child and some iioc. He did receive a custodial sentence and I have chosen for them not to visit prison but receive contact over the phone which people probably think I shouldn't but it's easy for them to say that when they aren't in the situation or having ti make that decision. Do what you feel is right for you and your children. I was also in total shock when I got the knock as he has always been a great father to my Children and been together 12 year. This group is so helpful as you realise your not in this alone there are so many people out there that are going through it too. X
I find the problem in this situation Is everyone is quick to express their opinions on what they'd do but until your forced into this situation you literally have no idea how you'll cope or what you'll do. If someone had asked me before the knock I know I'd have Sad that id never talk to my partner again, never let him see the kids and cut him off completely from our lives. However, we all know it isn't as simple as that and the reasoning isn't always down to an attraction to children. I like many other chose to stand by my partner and help support him and many people mainly my family have told me how wrong I am for this. But again until you find yourself in this situation you really can't judge what you'll do or how you'll react.
Sorry I got side tracked there going off on one haha but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't dwell on other people's opinions too much. You have to do what is right for you and your family, whether that be staying or going. Allowing contact or not. There is no right or wrong thing to do.
Sorry I got side tracked there going off on one haha but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't dwell on other people's opinions too much. You have to do what is right for you and your family, whether that be staying or going. Allowing contact or not. There is no right or wrong thing to do.
I was that person that would say "if that was ever my family member I'd disown them I'd never speak to them again etc" but it happened to my young family member and it tore my rather large family apart lot of public scrutinising online abuse the lot but it hit us like a tonne of bricks in the beginning I was like nope I. ant do this I can't love him any more , but the reality of it is he is my young family member and I DO love him and I ALWAYS will, regardless of what other people say or do speak don't speak I am now at a point where I don't care I made sure I knew all the facts and wasn't being lied to and I made my decision to support our young family member he had been through enough in life and after all he wasn't seeking this out which was stated in court just not in the MEDIA the soul hoovers I call them because they are also soul destroyers.. He is doing great yes we lost family but looking on it I am glad that may sound weird but I will explain why, if any of my family were going through anything myself and my immediate family were always there, we would never judge without knowing facts , we would never attack without knowing facts , kn life we have picked them up many a time for all different reasons in life , when they were at their lowest points we stood by them , my immediate family was rhe family that just got through life and when this happened how many of them picked up the phone or visited to find out the FACTS ..1 ..yes 1 person out of many . and that I will never forgive so for me it's good riddance it's shows how the stigma of these crimes affect the thought process because yes it's a horrid thing but without knowing facts people are quick to believe a media headline , the court was an open court that day they could have all gone an listened for themselves the truth but they didn't..now going forward I still have all my amazing friends in life work colleagues and life is rebuilding , I'm now no longer judgmental on people I've changed , in the beginning not for the better but now yes and for the better . if u had read my first few posts on this forum they are complete different to this one they were harrowing, seeking answers , desperation for saviour now I have the support network I need and I love my young family member....your emotions will change through this whole ordeal but in thr end you will make the decisions for yourself. xxx
Hi, I could've written this post, it's quite similar to mine. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Even though the images aren't of "real" children, they will be treated as though they are in law.
I'd been with my husband for 30 years, married for 17 and had 4 children. We had a very "normal" if somewhat dull, life. Everyone who knew my husband loved him and respected him greatly. He was a brilliant Dad, still is.
However, the day after the knock, he phoned me from prison. We had 5 minutes. I asked him how long he'd been doing this sort of thing. He said," a long time ". I said that wasn't a good enough answer. He then told me he started to have sexual feelings towards children from the age of 12/13. So yes, he's a "P". There's no way of us ever knowing why or how this came about. There's lots of discussion on the forum around porn addiction. That was never the case for my husband. It's not always because of an addiction to porn. My now ex never stood a chance. What could he have done, where could he have gone for help when he started having these feelings that he simply didn't understand. He kept a lid on it from the age of 13 To the age of 47. Stress eventually sent him searching for what he'd tried to suppress for so long. I felt desperately sorry for him back then. We divorced because I simply couldn't stay married to someone wired that way but I did support him. He went on to reoffend. Inevitable I guess. I can't forgive that. I wish you all the very best. X
Even though the images aren't of "real" children, they will be treated as though they are in law.
I'd been with my husband for 30 years, married for 17 and had 4 children. We had a very "normal" if somewhat dull, life. Everyone who knew my husband loved him and respected him greatly. He was a brilliant Dad, still is.
However, the day after the knock, he phoned me from prison. We had 5 minutes. I asked him how long he'd been doing this sort of thing. He said," a long time ". I said that wasn't a good enough answer. He then told me he started to have sexual feelings towards children from the age of 12/13. So yes, he's a "P". There's no way of us ever knowing why or how this came about. There's lots of discussion on the forum around porn addiction. That was never the case for my husband. It's not always because of an addiction to porn. My now ex never stood a chance. What could he have done, where could he have gone for help when he started having these feelings that he simply didn't understand. He kept a lid on it from the age of 13 To the age of 47. Stress eventually sent him searching for what he'd tried to suppress for so long. I felt desperately sorry for him back then. We divorced because I simply couldn't stay married to someone wired that way but I did support him. He went on to reoffend. Inevitable I guess. I can't forgive that. I wish you all the very best. X
Thank you all so much for your responses, it is so helpful knowing there are others out there that "get it". If i heard the story i would probably say "never speak to him again!" But you truly do not know how you will react until you land in this unfortunate world.
i still love him and feel sorry for him. I dont see a future of marriage for us as I just cant get past this or make any sense of it. But i will support him getting help. He has been doing weekly conventional therapy, spirtual therapy and attending church groups. His remose is deep. I pray everyday he would never reoffend, but I can never feel secure again and certainly could never go through this
we still have a long road ahead of us. I hope for my children he can find the help he needs and move past this. Only time will tell i guess!
i still love him and feel sorry for him. I dont see a future of marriage for us as I just cant get past this or make any sense of it. But i will support him getting help. He has been doing weekly conventional therapy, spirtual therapy and attending church groups. His remose is deep. I pray everyday he would never reoffend, but I can never feel secure again and certainly could never go through this
we still have a long road ahead of us. I hope for my children he can find the help he needs and move past this. Only time will tell i guess!
Couldn't read and run!
My other half's case is also AI images he created. They will be treated as such in the eyes of the law. I think real/AI should be treated the same including court and long term treatment/counselling.
I'm glad your husband has been able to talk about his situation with you, every case is so unique, so hard to say if he is genuinlynattracted to children or other reasons. If he is it would be extremely hard to admit to himself or others.
Mine completely shut me out but has admitted to others he has been sexually attracted to children for a long time. No idea if he will admit this truth to me directly or in court down the line.
Unfortunately people will always judge and have their own opinions. It's the hardest part of this journey.
You don't need to make any quick judgements and decisions. It's a long road ahead and just deal with each thing day by day.
AI is certainly becoming more common on this forum unfortunately
My other half's case is also AI images he created. They will be treated as such in the eyes of the law. I think real/AI should be treated the same including court and long term treatment/counselling.
I'm glad your husband has been able to talk about his situation with you, every case is so unique, so hard to say if he is genuinlynattracted to children or other reasons. If he is it would be extremely hard to admit to himself or others.
Mine completely shut me out but has admitted to others he has been sexually attracted to children for a long time. No idea if he will admit this truth to me directly or in court down the line.
Unfortunately people will always judge and have their own opinions. It's the hardest part of this journey.
You don't need to make any quick judgements and decisions. It's a long road ahead and just deal with each thing day by day.
AI is certainly becoming more common on this forum unfortunately
Bondi, I thought AI created images are treated the same as "real" images in law?
Yes I believe any AI images are treated the same as real images in the eyes of the law. As in same a to c categories and suggested charges etc.
That is what my oic has told me that it didn't matter they were AI. They still treated the same.
That is what my oic has told me that it didn't matter they were AI. They still treated the same.