Triggered by date…
Notifications OFF
Hello All,
4 years ago today 16th Feb we got the knock, this was the day without realising at the time our lives would change forever. This date and other significant dates i.e. plea hearing, sentencing, press coverage x 2 (horrendous), application of tag etc will be etched on my mind forever. The last 4 years has been a rollercoaster of events which has affected me both mentally and physically, I really can't start to explain all the peaks and troughs only that this blasted conviction has affected us every single day whether it be neighbours continuing to lower their heads, struggling to get insurance, family dynamics, social isolation for my person, restrictions on previous enjoyable holidays to having to notify the police every time we want to stay or have our grandchildren stay with us and I could go on. On reflection, I remember the very early days of shock and panic and some family and friends telling me to move on and leave my husband, what I am grateful for at the time is I did not make any rash decisions, I took my time and told people that I only had space and capacity in my head to deal with how I was feeling and what I wanted to do rather than be indulged by their thoughts and opinions. Today I am grateful for having that time to have made the decisions that I did. I love my husband very much and I took my wedding vows serious enough to think about staying together "for better or worse", I am aware a lot of these crimes are beyond forgiveness and repair to relationships but through the chaos there was some light, 4 years ago, my world fell apart, today my life is different but good, my husband has worked hard to prove he is not the monster he was made out to be, he has complied with everything expected by the police, court orders etc and he is heavily involved in working as a volunteer with the probation service to support offenders and offer advice in going forward with their lives, he makes financial contributions to agencies and charities who support abused children. To this day he still claims he did not search or gets any gratification from the images found on his device and the forensics have since proved there was no evidence of searching etc, we both have some old and new friends in our lives who know about his conviction, thankfully these good friends have not defined him by the conviction and engage with him on a totally normal and healthy basis. If I was asked for any advice I would say to anyone at the start of this journey please take as much time as you need to make decisions, every case is different but do not be pressured by others, don't ask people what they would do as unless they have walked in your shoes they will have no idea of the enormity of the situation and subsequent consequences. I have made a very dear friend with a lady on this site who found it impossible to stay with her person and I respect her for that decision, I know it wasn't easy for her. But things can be good again, I never believed it 4 years ago but it's true.
Sorry for my long post but today is a day full of bad memories which I hope one day will become so distant they will not be significant.
My thoughts and prayers go to each and every person who finds themselves either writing or reading these pages, I have been supported by some wonderful people on here who like myself had to join the club none of us want to be in.
Love Katie xxx
4 years ago today 16th Feb we got the knock, this was the day without realising at the time our lives would change forever. This date and other significant dates i.e. plea hearing, sentencing, press coverage x 2 (horrendous), application of tag etc will be etched on my mind forever. The last 4 years has been a rollercoaster of events which has affected me both mentally and physically, I really can't start to explain all the peaks and troughs only that this blasted conviction has affected us every single day whether it be neighbours continuing to lower their heads, struggling to get insurance, family dynamics, social isolation for my person, restrictions on previous enjoyable holidays to having to notify the police every time we want to stay or have our grandchildren stay with us and I could go on. On reflection, I remember the very early days of shock and panic and some family and friends telling me to move on and leave my husband, what I am grateful for at the time is I did not make any rash decisions, I took my time and told people that I only had space and capacity in my head to deal with how I was feeling and what I wanted to do rather than be indulged by their thoughts and opinions. Today I am grateful for having that time to have made the decisions that I did. I love my husband very much and I took my wedding vows serious enough to think about staying together "for better or worse", I am aware a lot of these crimes are beyond forgiveness and repair to relationships but through the chaos there was some light, 4 years ago, my world fell apart, today my life is different but good, my husband has worked hard to prove he is not the monster he was made out to be, he has complied with everything expected by the police, court orders etc and he is heavily involved in working as a volunteer with the probation service to support offenders and offer advice in going forward with their lives, he makes financial contributions to agencies and charities who support abused children. To this day he still claims he did not search or gets any gratification from the images found on his device and the forensics have since proved there was no evidence of searching etc, we both have some old and new friends in our lives who know about his conviction, thankfully these good friends have not defined him by the conviction and engage with him on a totally normal and healthy basis. If I was asked for any advice I would say to anyone at the start of this journey please take as much time as you need to make decisions, every case is different but do not be pressured by others, don't ask people what they would do as unless they have walked in your shoes they will have no idea of the enormity of the situation and subsequent consequences. I have made a very dear friend with a lady on this site who found it impossible to stay with her person and I respect her for that decision, I know it wasn't easy for her. But things can be good again, I never believed it 4 years ago but it's true.
Sorry for my long post but today is a day full of bad memories which I hope one day will become so distant they will not be significant.
My thoughts and prayers go to each and every person who finds themselves either writing or reading these pages, I have been supported by some wonderful people on here who like myself had to join the club none of us want to be in.
Love Katie xxx
Hi Katie, what a wonderful piece you've written. It gives me hope even though I feel very little. X
Ahh Little Robin thank you.
I have followed your posts and am so so sorry you are in this position again, it must be devastating for you and on top of that I understand you have multiple health problems too. I can say I admire your resilience, a second time around must be horrific for you but please God you will have the strength to get through. There are so many heartbreaking posts on this site, I really don't know how we function on a daily basis but somehow we do. I just wanted to post that despite the triggers that kick start my PTSD I just want to say whilst life is different and to be honest maybe not the life I had wished for but it is what it is and for that I am grateful and happy, there can be light at the end of the tunnel. I sincerely hope you find peace soon Little Robin, you are so supportive and show strength and determination in your posts.
Love Katie xxxx
I have followed your posts and am so so sorry you are in this position again, it must be devastating for you and on top of that I understand you have multiple health problems too. I can say I admire your resilience, a second time around must be horrific for you but please God you will have the strength to get through. There are so many heartbreaking posts on this site, I really don't know how we function on a daily basis but somehow we do. I just wanted to post that despite the triggers that kick start my PTSD I just want to say whilst life is different and to be honest maybe not the life I had wished for but it is what it is and for that I am grateful and happy, there can be light at the end of the tunnel. I sincerely hope you find peace soon Little Robin, you are so supportive and show strength and determination in your posts.
Love Katie xxxx
Hi Katie, thankyou for your words of advice. They really resonated with me, considering I'm less than 2 weeks in after The Knock. I hope that the triggering you feel on certain dates will get less and less and will no longer have any significance and hold on your life. Xx
Katie28, thank you for your kind words. I don't function really. I live within my flat. That's the only way I could cope with my PTSD etc. I saw an NHS psychiatrist last week. He literally rolled his eye's at me and said, "it's your own fault that you're in this position. You had the chance to walk away the first time but you didn't take it". I didn't walk away the first time when the ex was sent to prison. But I kept him alive. He's my children's father. I did it for them. Why do others look at all this in such black and white terms? X
Poppet, I am so sorry you are here, I remember those early days well, the feelings of shock, panic, confusion, anger, sadness you name it every emotion you can think of. If you haven't already, please contact your GP, they are good sources of support and will signpost you to getting help and care for you primarily. Contact the help line here, despite no availability over the weekend the team are amazingly knowledgeable and supportive. You have to prioritise yourself above all, don't see this as being selfish but think long and hard about how this affects you! You are at the very start of this journey, things are very raw but please don't hesitate to reach out if you need any help, advice or just a shoulder to cry on and offload some of the stress. We have all walked this journey, some are further ahead than others but someone on here will have experience of what you have and are going through.
You can always private message me at any time.
Take care and look after yourself. Katie XXX
You can always private message me at any time.
Take care and look after yourself. Katie XXX
Little Robin,
How dare a professional practitioner tell you your mental health is your own fault, I am so angry to hear that is how you have been treated. It is outrageous that someone who doesn't know you or your family history can be so judgmental, the very thing that true caring health professionals are not.
Please go back to your referring clinician and ask to be referred to some else, this person is not going to help you in any shape or form, this is 100% not your fault, you are doing what you feel is right and that is looking out for your family. I am astonished and so angry to hear you have been treated like this, as I said earlier, unless you have walked in our shoes nobody will ever understand the challenges, choices and dilemma's we have to face. Xxxx
How dare a professional practitioner tell you your mental health is your own fault, I am so angry to hear that is how you have been treated. It is outrageous that someone who doesn't know you or your family history can be so judgmental, the very thing that true caring health professionals are not.
Please go back to your referring clinician and ask to be referred to some else, this person is not going to help you in any shape or form, this is 100% not your fault, you are doing what you feel is right and that is looking out for your family. I am astonished and so angry to hear you have been treated like this, as I said earlier, unless you have walked in our shoes nobody will ever understand the challenges, choices and dilemma's we have to face. Xxxx
The trouble is, I asked to be referred to someone else at the practice because the former psychiatrist kept referring to the ex's offending as "child porn". Firstly, they are child abuse images, not porn. In fact he said he didn't always look at them for that reason. For him it's more complicated than that. I think I'm out of options with the psychiatrists. However, he's referred me for trauma therapy so we'll see... x