Resentful and confused
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Bit of a confusing one, I'm m so sorry.
a lot has happened over the years. He was caught, sentenced and released. No contact for the kids because of social services being of no help at all. Still working on it.
so what am I resentful of? He lives alone, getting his life back in order, got a job, hardly any restrictions tbh. Has support handed to him on a plate from a lot of agencies. Minimal social services involvement.
and then there's me. Dealing with social services being on my back since day dot (still haven't left me alone), not with him anymore btw, essentially forced to end my marriage by social services and family. my health took a drastic down turn because of all the stress. Lost my job (night work couldn't afford childcare on top). Lost my future, my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations. Can't get a break ever and just feel like those that are meant to be helping me are just judging me all the time. Just feeling overwhelmed, but trying to hold it together for the kids. Trying to rebuild relationships with family but it's difficult when you don't feel the way you used to about them.
At the same time I'm happy he's getting his life back on track but wish I could go back in time and stop everything. Haven't seen him in months but do still talk, main reason I haven't seen him is I have an overpowering urge to hit him, and I've had enough of my heart breaking. Fed up of him asking me to help him with stuff he can do for himself (form filling etc). And partly feel like why should I help him when no one is helping me.
part of me is very resentful but part of me is happy for him which is why I'm confused.
a lot has happened over the years. He was caught, sentenced and released. No contact for the kids because of social services being of no help at all. Still working on it.
so what am I resentful of? He lives alone, getting his life back in order, got a job, hardly any restrictions tbh. Has support handed to him on a plate from a lot of agencies. Minimal social services involvement.
and then there's me. Dealing with social services being on my back since day dot (still haven't left me alone), not with him anymore btw, essentially forced to end my marriage by social services and family. my health took a drastic down turn because of all the stress. Lost my job (night work couldn't afford childcare on top). Lost my future, my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations. Can't get a break ever and just feel like those that are meant to be helping me are just judging me all the time. Just feeling overwhelmed, but trying to hold it together for the kids. Trying to rebuild relationships with family but it's difficult when you don't feel the way you used to about them.
At the same time I'm happy he's getting his life back on track but wish I could go back in time and stop everything. Haven't seen him in months but do still talk, main reason I haven't seen him is I have an overpowering urge to hit him, and I've had enough of my heart breaking. Fed up of him asking me to help him with stuff he can do for himself (form filling etc). And partly feel like why should I help him when no one is helping me.
part of me is very resentful but part of me is happy for him which is why I'm confused.
The resentment of him living with very little responsibility and having one 6 minute conversation with ss creeps in more often than I probably admit.
I've had an easier time with ss than most on here but the fact remains that I wouldn't have had any if he wasn't a massive beep in the first place.
You're not alone in these emotions. Raising kids alone is hard physically and mentally. Try to fit something in that's just for you each week, it does make a difference to your mental health even if it's just a walk or a swim to clear your head xxx
I've had an easier time with ss than most on here but the fact remains that I wouldn't have had any if he wasn't a massive beep in the first place.
You're not alone in these emotions. Raising kids alone is hard physically and mentally. Try to fit something in that's just for you each week, it does make a difference to your mental health even if it's just a walk or a swim to clear your head xxx