The England trip from hell
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This is a long one so please bare with me..
On the 29th of January -25 I traveled to England to visit my boyfriend. We’ve been traveling back and forth for quite some time and we’d recently started planning for him to come to my (Nordic) country to live. Never been so in love and never been so loved (he´s very loving, emotional and sentimental).
My boyfriend was working on the 30th and on the 31st so I booked a hotel for us near his job so we could maximize our time together. On the 31st he goes to work, sends me sweet messages as usual and calls me before lunch saying he’ll be with me shortly and that he loves me. Time goes by and I ask if he’s ok. My messages stays undelivered on WhatsApp, never happened before. I call, no answer. Hours goes by and now I’m SUPER worried. Then THE knock on my hotel room door. I open and there are 2 female police officers, in normal clothing, asking me if I’m xx’s partner. I stumbled backwards and thought I’d faint. I truly thought they’d come to tell me he passed. They’re asking me if they can come in and I just cry, in total shock. They’re telling me my boyfriend’s been arrested on the suspicion of indecent images. But they can’t say more. They’re very sweet and comforts me as I’m hysterically crying. They ask if I know someone I can meet up with there or go to but I’m all alone in this country (just came to see my boyfriend and know no one else). When they leave they say they’ll email me later and let me know what’s going on. They leave and I’ve never ever been as devastated or felt more alone right there and then. I’m all alone, in another country, with this shocking information and so far away from home. Just recently missing the crap out of my boyfriend, waiting for him to join me for lunch!
At 20:15 I receive an email saying that my boyfriend’s still in custody and the name of the police officer in my boyfriend’s case and that she’ll contact me when she knows more. I hear nothing so instead of going back home to my country on the Sunday I re book my flight and go back home on Saturday. I just couldn’t stay there all alone and as devastated as I was. I hear nothing until Monday, then I receive an email saying that they’d tried to call me but their systems wouldn’t allow a non-UK number (I have a Nordic country number) and that my boyfriend was arrested on Friday on suspicion of indecent images of children offences, and as a result of his interview and submitting the evidence to the Crown Prosecution Service, he was remanded in custody for a Court hearing. At the Court hearing, he has been further remanded until 14th March when he will return to Court.
I ask where he’s been taken so I can get in touch with him, at least via letter, but she’s not allowed to say. So here I am. 17 days later and I haven’t heard a word. Just silence. Even if my boyfriend has my number (he doesn´t know it by heart I know that) how can he call a non-UK number when the police were not allowed to!?
I don’t have any numbers or anything to anyone (I was just about to meet my boyfriend´s mum that weekend when I got THE knock), just my boyfriend’s address so I’ve tried to send letters there in case his mum drops by for something. But nothing from no one so far. The silence is terror and I´m absolutely devastated!
Being that my boyfriend was arrested at work, would the police tell him what he was arrested on suspicion for around his colleagues? This could have huge consequenses if so, no matter the outcome.
My boyfriend has 2 kids, 4 & soon to be 7, have they been interviewed you think?
How quickly do the police uncover these type of cases? Like, was it something that my boyfriend did just recently and the police gets a red flag really quick or could it mean investigating my boyfriend for months??
What will happen on the 14th of March, is it another court hearing, trial, sentencing or what does it mean? I know that my boyfriend didn´t show up to a court hearing a few years back (minor drug charge, no prison time) and perhaps that´s why he´s remanded now (in case you´re wondering why he´s remanded)?!
And why was I in "the loop" at first but now when he´s remanded the police can´t give me information on where he´s at, the name of his solicitor etc?
Really need your support and help. You´re more than welcome to send me a private DM also. Thanks.
<3
On the 29th of January -25 I traveled to England to visit my boyfriend. We’ve been traveling back and forth for quite some time and we’d recently started planning for him to come to my (Nordic) country to live. Never been so in love and never been so loved (he´s very loving, emotional and sentimental).
My boyfriend was working on the 30th and on the 31st so I booked a hotel for us near his job so we could maximize our time together. On the 31st he goes to work, sends me sweet messages as usual and calls me before lunch saying he’ll be with me shortly and that he loves me. Time goes by and I ask if he’s ok. My messages stays undelivered on WhatsApp, never happened before. I call, no answer. Hours goes by and now I’m SUPER worried. Then THE knock on my hotel room door. I open and there are 2 female police officers, in normal clothing, asking me if I’m xx’s partner. I stumbled backwards and thought I’d faint. I truly thought they’d come to tell me he passed. They’re asking me if they can come in and I just cry, in total shock. They’re telling me my boyfriend’s been arrested on the suspicion of indecent images. But they can’t say more. They’re very sweet and comforts me as I’m hysterically crying. They ask if I know someone I can meet up with there or go to but I’m all alone in this country (just came to see my boyfriend and know no one else). When they leave they say they’ll email me later and let me know what’s going on. They leave and I’ve never ever been as devastated or felt more alone right there and then. I’m all alone, in another country, with this shocking information and so far away from home. Just recently missing the crap out of my boyfriend, waiting for him to join me for lunch!
At 20:15 I receive an email saying that my boyfriend’s still in custody and the name of the police officer in my boyfriend’s case and that she’ll contact me when she knows more. I hear nothing so instead of going back home to my country on the Sunday I re book my flight and go back home on Saturday. I just couldn’t stay there all alone and as devastated as I was. I hear nothing until Monday, then I receive an email saying that they’d tried to call me but their systems wouldn’t allow a non-UK number (I have a Nordic country number) and that my boyfriend was arrested on Friday on suspicion of indecent images of children offences, and as a result of his interview and submitting the evidence to the Crown Prosecution Service, he was remanded in custody for a Court hearing. At the Court hearing, he has been further remanded until 14th March when he will return to Court.
I ask where he’s been taken so I can get in touch with him, at least via letter, but she’s not allowed to say. So here I am. 17 days later and I haven’t heard a word. Just silence. Even if my boyfriend has my number (he doesn´t know it by heart I know that) how can he call a non-UK number when the police were not allowed to!?
I don’t have any numbers or anything to anyone (I was just about to meet my boyfriend´s mum that weekend when I got THE knock), just my boyfriend’s address so I’ve tried to send letters there in case his mum drops by for something. But nothing from no one so far. The silence is terror and I´m absolutely devastated!
Being that my boyfriend was arrested at work, would the police tell him what he was arrested on suspicion for around his colleagues? This could have huge consequenses if so, no matter the outcome.
My boyfriend has 2 kids, 4 & soon to be 7, have they been interviewed you think?
How quickly do the police uncover these type of cases? Like, was it something that my boyfriend did just recently and the police gets a red flag really quick or could it mean investigating my boyfriend for months??
What will happen on the 14th of March, is it another court hearing, trial, sentencing or what does it mean? I know that my boyfriend didn´t show up to a court hearing a few years back (minor drug charge, no prison time) and perhaps that´s why he´s remanded now (in case you´re wondering why he´s remanded)?!
And why was I in "the loop" at first but now when he´s remanded the police can´t give me information on where he´s at, the name of his solicitor etc?
Really need your support and help. You´re more than welcome to send me a private DM also. Thanks.
<3
Hi, I'm so sorry. The fact he's been remanded means that his alleged crimes are very serious. I expect social services have been to see his children.
In order to write to him in prison, you need his "prisoner number" which he'll be allocated at some point but it can take days, even weeks. With regard to how long he's been doing whatever he's been arrested for, we can't say. But I can tell you that in my ex's case, it took the Police 2 years to get around to arresting him. In due course he will probably have to tell his place of work or it'll become obvious to his employer anyway. The only other thing I can think of that might be of help is to get in touch with "https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/".
Give them a call. They might know of some way to find out which prison he's been sent to. However, even if you find that out, you're not going to be able to do anything without the prisoner number. He should be allowed one 5 minute phonecall though on the day or the day after he arrives but as you say, he's unlikely to know your number off by heart. Might he call his Mum? Could you write a letter addressed to her and send it to his place? He'll also need access to some money in order to make further calls or write letters. Again, this can take weeks to sort out.
Again, I sort of know what you're going through as my ex was remanded in prison straight after the arrest but for it to happen to you in these circumstances is unimaginable And so distressing for you. I feel angry though at him for allowing this to happen to you, to put you in this terrible position, if he's done what he's been accused of. Xx. Feel free to message me. I tried to message you but incoming messages are turned off at your end.
In order to write to him in prison, you need his "prisoner number" which he'll be allocated at some point but it can take days, even weeks. With regard to how long he's been doing whatever he's been arrested for, we can't say. But I can tell you that in my ex's case, it took the Police 2 years to get around to arresting him. In due course he will probably have to tell his place of work or it'll become obvious to his employer anyway. The only other thing I can think of that might be of help is to get in touch with "https://www.prisonersfamilies.org/".
Give them a call. They might know of some way to find out which prison he's been sent to. However, even if you find that out, you're not going to be able to do anything without the prisoner number. He should be allowed one 5 minute phonecall though on the day or the day after he arrives but as you say, he's unlikely to know your number off by heart. Might he call his Mum? Could you write a letter addressed to her and send it to his place? He'll also need access to some money in order to make further calls or write letters. Again, this can take weeks to sort out.
Again, I sort of know what you're going through as my ex was remanded in prison straight after the arrest but for it to happen to you in these circumstances is unimaginable And so distressing for you. I feel angry though at him for allowing this to happen to you, to put you in this terrible position, if he's done what he's been accused of. Xx. Feel free to message me. I tried to message you but incoming messages are turned off at your end.
I am so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. You can go on google and there is a website to find a prisoner. Once you find where he is you can write to him without a prisoner number. You would need to write his full name with his date of birth on the envelope. But I would ring the prison he is in and check what they need in case its any different. Once you have the prison number you can email him which is much quicker thana letter.
I hope you get some answers soon. Sending hugs your way.
I hope you get some answers soon. Sending hugs your way.
Oh I'm so so sorry for the hell you're going through. Many of us here have experienced the trauma of The Knock so we can totally empathise with how distressing it is. At least with my person he was home in the evening of the day he was arrested, but this must be torture for you. I have no advice I'm afraid as I'm just 2 weeks into this hell. All I can offer is a virtual hug and my sympathy and hope that you hear something soon. Xx
This is horrendous and I'm so stthis has happened to you. But you've had a lucky escape..... I know it's hard but you will rebuild your life
I'm so sorry your jn this situation. I can't advise on much just that in my partners case, images were downloaded in 2021 before we'd met, he wasn't arrested until 2023 when we was expecting our daughter. Him being remanded would suggest how serious his offence is but I completely understand you need answers. I hope you manage to get in contact with him and get them answered. Feel free to message me if you need a chat.
I'm so sorry you've had to join our numbers. I can't help with the prison question - others have already provided some suggestions.
On timescales, we had the Knock February 2023. They said the alledged offence took place in summer 2022.
Sending hugs and I hope you manage to contact him soon xx
On timescales, we had the Knock February 2023. They said the alledged offence took place in summer 2022.
Sending hugs and I hope you manage to contact him soon xx
Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, what an awful trauma for you to go through. Please be reassured that we're here for you so keep reaching out.
I'm afraid I'm not able to help you find which prison your boyfriend is currently in but there are people on a Facebook group that might be able to help. I don't think I'm allowed to name the group on here but once you are able to PM me I'm happy to share it with you.
I'm afraid I'm not able to help you find which prison your boyfriend is currently in but there are people on a Facebook group that might be able to help. I don't think I'm allowed to name the group on here but once you are able to PM me I'm happy to share it with you.
Good morning all <3
I´m so happy to have this Forum, as I have no one to speak to about this :(
I simply can´t tell family or friends, they just know he´s been arrested.
I´d love to send private messages but it says I have to make a post before I can so I post another and see if I can after that.
From what I understand, and expierience, it´s quite more difficult for me with everything as I´m in Sweden, EU country also (and you´re not anymore). The police couldn´t call me as their systems aren´t allowed calls to non-UK numbers, so I can´t see how my BF would be able to (even with money) in prison?!
Like I explained, I was "in the loop" by the police (letting me know status over email) until my BF was further remanded then the police said they can´t say where he´s been taken. Due to data protection from what I know?!
I have no contact with his family, as we haven´t met yet, and don´t know their social media´s etc.
In Sweden we have an open register on people, where you can search (online) on their name only basically and you can get their address, number, who they live with, yeah even if they have a dog registered and what car they drive. I know, crazy (but right this minute I wish it was the case in England so I could get some info on my BF´s family or whatever!).
I know this varies probably but being that my BF has a pro bono solicitor, how much contact do they have? I can imagine a pro bono solicitor aren´t running there to see my BF every day!? Because this silence is slowly killing me. And making me over think. I know my BF doesn´t know my address (or number) by heart but he could easily just ask his mum or solicitor to try to locate me by my name and town online or whatever. So why hasn´t he??? Because he´s ashamed? Because he hasn´t been able to?? It´s been 17 days since he was further remanded! Why the silence?? Or is he, as me, sitting there thinking I´ve said F you and moved on with my life?
Big hugs and thank you ALL for making me feel a tiny bit better <3
I´m so happy to have this Forum, as I have no one to speak to about this :(
I simply can´t tell family or friends, they just know he´s been arrested.
I´d love to send private messages but it says I have to make a post before I can so I post another and see if I can after that.
From what I understand, and expierience, it´s quite more difficult for me with everything as I´m in Sweden, EU country also (and you´re not anymore). The police couldn´t call me as their systems aren´t allowed calls to non-UK numbers, so I can´t see how my BF would be able to (even with money) in prison?!
Like I explained, I was "in the loop" by the police (letting me know status over email) until my BF was further remanded then the police said they can´t say where he´s been taken. Due to data protection from what I know?!
I have no contact with his family, as we haven´t met yet, and don´t know their social media´s etc.
In Sweden we have an open register on people, where you can search (online) on their name only basically and you can get their address, number, who they live with, yeah even if they have a dog registered and what car they drive. I know, crazy (but right this minute I wish it was the case in England so I could get some info on my BF´s family or whatever!).
I know this varies probably but being that my BF has a pro bono solicitor, how much contact do they have? I can imagine a pro bono solicitor aren´t running there to see my BF every day!? Because this silence is slowly killing me. And making me over think. I know my BF doesn´t know my address (or number) by heart but he could easily just ask his mum or solicitor to try to locate me by my name and town online or whatever. So why hasn´t he??? Because he´s ashamed? Because he hasn´t been able to?? It´s been 17 days since he was further remanded! Why the silence?? Or is he, as me, sitting there thinking I´ve said F you and moved on with my life?
Big hugs and thank you ALL for making me feel a tiny bit better <3
He will have hardly any communication with his solicitor. The prison system here works really really slowly. I'm sorry. X