My friend, colleague.... I don't know what to do.
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So this is all been pretty confusing. The telephone helpline was great, and I'm following up by posting here. My dear friend, and colleague I now know is currently in jail, serving a sentence of under nearly a year. For the last several months I have not know why or where he has been. I have sent so many missed calls, messages, I even called the police worried for his safety. Last night I was told he is in prison, and the crimes which led him to this situation.
I am sat here, thinking that I have known this person for so long, we would speak almost every other day, never once did I know this would be something he would be convicted of. I am now in the very early moment, where I have a fond fond friendship, and colleague, who gave me my first leg up in the industry I am in. However, it's been about 18 hours, since I found out this whole new side to him. I'm shocked, and I don't know really how I will process it, I guess time will allow this to happen. I didn't know what to google, or if I even wanted to google anything at all. I want to just meet other people who have been through this process of discovering news like this, and how you process it. I can't tell anyone, it's not the kind of thing you tell other people.
It's like, I have been given a huge vulnerable secret that is now a burden on me, and I can't even speak to him because he is in jail. Even if I could speak to him, what do I say? What would I say? I don't really even know what I am seeking as a response from this message. If I tell people in my real life world, I feel it will become a spiral conversation, not a conversation that will actually help me process something like this.
Anyway, I hope if you have anything to share, maybe, how you delt when you discovered such information, how long did it take for it to become understood in your head? Did you tell other people? What are your lived experiences?
I am sat here, thinking that I have known this person for so long, we would speak almost every other day, never once did I know this would be something he would be convicted of. I am now in the very early moment, where I have a fond fond friendship, and colleague, who gave me my first leg up in the industry I am in. However, it's been about 18 hours, since I found out this whole new side to him. I'm shocked, and I don't know really how I will process it, I guess time will allow this to happen. I didn't know what to google, or if I even wanted to google anything at all. I want to just meet other people who have been through this process of discovering news like this, and how you process it. I can't tell anyone, it's not the kind of thing you tell other people.
It's like, I have been given a huge vulnerable secret that is now a burden on me, and I can't even speak to him because he is in jail. Even if I could speak to him, what do I say? What would I say? I don't really even know what I am seeking as a response from this message. If I tell people in my real life world, I feel it will become a spiral conversation, not a conversation that will actually help me process something like this.
Anyway, I hope if you have anything to share, maybe, how you delt when you discovered such information, how long did it take for it to become understood in your head? Did you tell other people? What are your lived experiences?
Hi,
Im not sure if I can help you much but wanted to reply anyway. I am so sorry for you, that you have found yourself here, the place that none of us want to be. Your person is your friend, mine is my husband, but I imagine the shock for us both has been horrific. And for you too to have those months where you literally didn't know where he was or if he was even alive must have been awful. I'm so sorry.
In answer to your question I don't know if I'll ever understand why he ended up where he did. The Inform course offered by LFF looks at the whys and helps us to understand some of it...but applying those theories to my husband, the man who I thought I knew inside out, is so difficult. You might find the course helpful.
Are you able to contact your friend now that you know he's in prison? He might not have told any friends, or even family where he is?
I suppose my advice is to give your time and to do what feels right for you.
You are wise to have shared on here though- you will get good advice and find lots of listening ears from some unbelievably strong women.
The Support and Discussion section I think gets more views and responses I think though.
Sending hugs xx
Im not sure if I can help you much but wanted to reply anyway. I am so sorry for you, that you have found yourself here, the place that none of us want to be. Your person is your friend, mine is my husband, but I imagine the shock for us both has been horrific. And for you too to have those months where you literally didn't know where he was or if he was even alive must have been awful. I'm so sorry.
In answer to your question I don't know if I'll ever understand why he ended up where he did. The Inform course offered by LFF looks at the whys and helps us to understand some of it...but applying those theories to my husband, the man who I thought I knew inside out, is so difficult. You might find the course helpful.
Are you able to contact your friend now that you know he's in prison? He might not have told any friends, or even family where he is?
I suppose my advice is to give your time and to do what feels right for you.
You are wise to have shared on here though- you will get good advice and find lots of listening ears from some unbelievably strong women.
The Support and Discussion section I think gets more views and responses I think though.
Sending hugs xx
I'm sorry you've had to join us on here. There's no right or wrong way to be feeling after finding this stuff out. The first few days will be a complete rollercoaster of conflicting emotions.
You could attempt to get in touch with him by letter if you still want to remain in touch and know which prison he is being held in, if not you can use the find a prisoner service to locate him.
You could attempt to get in touch with him by letter if you still want to remain in touch and know which prison he is being held in, if not you can use the find a prisoner service to locate him.