Overwhelming feeling of impending doom!
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The title of this post sums up exactly how I've felt today. My life post 12 March at sentencing will change in ways I would never wish on anyone....I could have sobbed all day, but had to be distracted in my busy job. One gorgeous lady told me how wonderful I was, how efficient and that I'd talked to her like a human being. It was a reminder that I'm not a bad person, but why do and will others think so badly of me when this all this comes out. I'm still the same loving, compassionate, non-judgemental person I've always been, and I hope and pray my friends will see through all the BS around the sex offender label, when in fact my OH should be labelled a porn offender! He's changed, he was never a monster, he's in a better place, we all make mistakes. Why can't we forgive this crime? He's loved and liked, he contributes (a lot) to society. No-one who knows him will believe it when it comes out - but that's the point, what's happened is not a reflection of him as a whole person. Dark times make people do dark things, especially if they're not aware of their own underlying issues.
I'm not religious, but I've been praying every night in the desperate home there might be someone up there looking down on us - and giving us a second chance at life.
I want my old happy life back, the one where we just happily living our lives with no judgement or fear of reprisal.
I wanted to reach out to a therapist today, but still don't think my lovely CBT lady will understand in the way I need her to. Do LLF reccomend specialist counselling services for people in our position? You've all ended up being my virtual therapists tonight, as I've got nowhere else to turn. I love you all xxx
I could lay down my stream of thought all night but I won't bore you all. It just makes me so angry and sad that someone with a bit of clout isn't reading all our posts....years worth of comments saying the same thing, new members to the group every single day. My heart is well and truly broken for all of us. Lonely, lost, scared and preparing to turn my back on society for the man I love - but holding close our truth and an 'actual' intellectual understanding of the crime, not an uneducated standpoint.
And breathe ......love to every single one of you xxx
I'm not religious, but I've been praying every night in the desperate home there might be someone up there looking down on us - and giving us a second chance at life.
I want my old happy life back, the one where we just happily living our lives with no judgement or fear of reprisal.
I wanted to reach out to a therapist today, but still don't think my lovely CBT lady will understand in the way I need her to. Do LLF reccomend specialist counselling services for people in our position? You've all ended up being my virtual therapists tonight, as I've got nowhere else to turn. I love you all xxx
I could lay down my stream of thought all night but I won't bore you all. It just makes me so angry and sad that someone with a bit of clout isn't reading all our posts....years worth of comments saying the same thing, new members to the group every single day. My heart is well and truly broken for all of us. Lonely, lost, scared and preparing to turn my back on society for the man I love - but holding close our truth and an 'actual' intellectual understanding of the crime, not an uneducated standpoint.
And breathe ......love to every single one of you xxx
I wrote a reply and it disappeared.
I agree with everything you've said. It's all so sad and harmful.
I agree with everything you've said. It's all so sad and harmful.
Here's returning my love and support back to you xxxx I feel your pain...... x
Sending my love and strength x
I could have written this I wish there was a solution for the pain and anxiety sending you virtual hugs and support. Not all people will judge you some will try to understand!
I agree with all you've said. I've messaged you xx
Thank you for the love everyone. I've had a slightly better day but I guess that's as much as I can hope for at the moment You always know the right things to say at the worst possible moments, so my heartfelt gratitude for each and every one of you runs deep xxx
This is so much how I'm feeling at the moment. We are post court appearances, sentences etc and trying to work through probation, community service, restrictions of SOR and SHPO. And just trying to rebuild some of the life we had previously. I can live with all this and seeing everyday how remorseful my oh is and the work he is doing to improve himself. My oh has a therapist via StopSo who has been fantastic, I also had a therapist via them but not with such a good out come, so stopped seeing her. Found myself someone who isn't a specialist in this area but has been great with understanding my feeling of wanting to stay. It is hard when others find out, oh case was in the media, so I chose to tell my family. They didn't ask me to choose, they made the decision for me by cutting all tries/contact with me. This is the most devastating thing to happen. Sending much hugs x
Hi there
I've just joined this site after being recommended it by a friend.
It's 8 days since 'the knock'. It wasn't even a knock. My DH opened it as we saw them looking through the window. 4 police officers. My first thought was my mum until one of the officers said 'Don't worry no one is hurt'. It wasn't until 2 minutes later that I realised that wasn't true. I was going to be hurt pretty much for the rest of my life....
I am still no further on with what has happened really and my DH of 20 years and my partner of 32 years is not saying anything. When I ask him if he has uploaded this app they mentioned or clicked on something he shouldn't have, he says he can't remember. The police clearly haven't interviewed him for nothing or released him 'under caution' for nothing. My nativity in all of this having never had any involvement with either SS or the police, is that after I spoke to SS and they closed the case (on me now it seems) that my DH won't be able to come back to the family home unless I allow SS to come out and risk assess. I don't want that level of scrutiny all over my house and children. Ultimately they come first. How is it possible to cut off feelings for a man I've loved for 30+ years? When will this nightmare be over!? He said if it wasn't for me and my boys, he'd kill himself. I just don't need that level of head bang. I have to go into survival mode here for my boys. His boys. I just want to know when I am supposed to wake up from this living hell?
I've just joined this site after being recommended it by a friend.
It's 8 days since 'the knock'. It wasn't even a knock. My DH opened it as we saw them looking through the window. 4 police officers. My first thought was my mum until one of the officers said 'Don't worry no one is hurt'. It wasn't until 2 minutes later that I realised that wasn't true. I was going to be hurt pretty much for the rest of my life....
I am still no further on with what has happened really and my DH of 20 years and my partner of 32 years is not saying anything. When I ask him if he has uploaded this app they mentioned or clicked on something he shouldn't have, he says he can't remember. The police clearly haven't interviewed him for nothing or released him 'under caution' for nothing. My nativity in all of this having never had any involvement with either SS or the police, is that after I spoke to SS and they closed the case (on me now it seems) that my DH won't be able to come back to the family home unless I allow SS to come out and risk assess. I don't want that level of scrutiny all over my house and children. Ultimately they come first. How is it possible to cut off feelings for a man I've loved for 30+ years? When will this nightmare be over!? He said if it wasn't for me and my boys, he'd kill himself. I just don't need that level of head bang. I have to go into survival mode here for my boys. His boys. I just want to know when I am supposed to wake up from this living hell?