Questioning everything
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We were together for 34yrs until the knock last week for sexual communication with a 14yr old boy. I had no idea, we had a fulfilling, gentle and considerate sex life. He was never demanding anything kinky or even interested in porn. Or so thought. Due to his health conditions our sex life was non existent for the last few years and he made no effort to do anything about it. To be honest I thought he just had lost all interest in it. He has suffered depression and our relationship has suffered. However it turns out he has been on really seedy gay porn sites for over a decade, probably longer, predating any of our problems. I can't get my head around this, he has been leading a double life and I had no clue. I am questioning our entire relationship, was it all a lie, was I cover for his true identity. Why couldn't he be honest. I feel I have been living a lie and he stole 34yrs of my life. I would have survived finding out he was gay or bi, but I cannot forgive underage. We have adult children and I am financially stuck to him after so many years. What do I do and where do I start getting him out of my life. I can't forgive him for putting his family through this and the damage publicity will do to our children
Oh love, you're probably still in shock. You will find lots of support here. Sadly you're far from alone.
It's early days, be gentle with yourself. There's no rush to make any decisions. Just get through each day and reach out here or the helpline.
It totally blindsids us all. Give yourself time to get your head around it (as much as you can, anyway. I still can't quite fathom it...).
I'm here because of a young person in my family so the circumstances are different but the shock, horror, fear etc is all the same I guess.
Hugs x x
It's early days, be gentle with yourself. There's no rush to make any decisions. Just get through each day and reach out here or the helpline.
It totally blindsids us all. Give yourself time to get your head around it (as much as you can, anyway. I still can't quite fathom it...).
I'm here because of a young person in my family so the circumstances are different but the shock, horror, fear etc is all the same I guess.
Hugs x x
It's 8 days since the knock for me. I've been with my DH for 32 years. We've been through horrible times in the last few years but this is on another level.
My 3 children are bewildered, I'm living a nightmare. I just don't know how to navigate this hell life right now.
I think my DH believes it'll all blow over. He deny's that he has accessed anything online but the police don't drag you away for nothing. They don't slap bail conditions on you for nothing. He has completely shut down.
My 3 children are bewildered, I'm living a nightmare. I just don't know how to navigate this hell life right now.
I think my DH believes it'll all blow over. He deny's that he has accessed anything online but the police don't drag you away for nothing. They don't slap bail conditions on you for nothing. He has completely shut down.
Hi, my husband and I had been in each others lives as best friends for 30 years, married for 17 with 4 children.
The day after the arrest he phoned me from prison and admitted that he'd been attracted to children since puberty. He said he felt initially very confused and thought he might be gay but soon realised that wasn't the case.
We had intimacy problems from the start on his part. He never initiated sex and I felt he simply didn't fancy me that much. He let me believe that. I thought it was my fault because I was overweight. He let me believe that too until my self esteem was rock bottom to the point I developed an eating disorder. Of course, I now know what the real problem was. He wasn't into me at all sexually, well not much. It was a chore for him and he's clearly relieved he'll never have to do it again. 3 decades I suffered with all this until the knock and then my entire world fell apart. I've lost everything because of what he's done. Oh, and he's being sentenced next week following the second knock 3 years ago. X
The day after the arrest he phoned me from prison and admitted that he'd been attracted to children since puberty. He said he felt initially very confused and thought he might be gay but soon realised that wasn't the case.
We had intimacy problems from the start on his part. He never initiated sex and I felt he simply didn't fancy me that much. He let me believe that. I thought it was my fault because I was overweight. He let me believe that too until my self esteem was rock bottom to the point I developed an eating disorder. Of course, I now know what the real problem was. He wasn't into me at all sexually, well not much. It was a chore for him and he's clearly relieved he'll never have to do it again. 3 decades I suffered with all this until the knock and then my entire world fell apart. I've lost everything because of what he's done. Oh, and he's being sentenced next week following the second knock 3 years ago. X